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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Raising Stepchildren!

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM
  • 58 Replies
2 moms liked this

This post is a place for us to share advice, questions and personal stories about helping raise a stepchild.

Here are some tips from the moms in this group:


  • Put children's needs first
  • Don't talk negatively about either birth-parent/minimize tension and agression
  • Try to minimize tension and agression
  • Be creative with visitation when it comes to friends, activities and holidays


bouncing mom

For more help:


Click here to see what stepmoms are talking about on the site today:
See Active Posts - Let's Talk!

Please share your best advice for those raising stepchildren below!



by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jazzybabe_782
by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 2:19 PM
12 moms liked this

always realize that your step children aren't just your husbands or boyfriends children, they are now yours as well.  Your are a greater influence in their lives than you will ever believe.  Some of them aren't going to like you and thats ok because they may feel threatened by you not because you are a horrible mean person but because you are a person in they're fathers lives and don't be surprised if they haven't heard their Moms talking bad about you.  Your best bet is to let is slide right off your shoulders.  Remember they are just children and yea children can be hurtful and hateful but they don't understand things.  A lot of times they are used as pawns between the parents which is confusing and hurtful to them.  Don't ever feel you are powerless against them though and make sure you communicate with their parents as well.  If you make the effort to have a relationship with their mother they will see it and calm down a little bit.  You don't have to like their Mom, thats ok because I don't always like my SS's mom either but her parenting style and mine are completely different and I spend a lot of time with my SS.  Just hang in there!!  It does get better with time.  Don't antagonize the situation either!!  Don't ever belittle them and never ever treat them any different than you would your own children, that is a common mistake I see made by so many step parents.  They know that you treat them differently and will resent you for it!!  Make sure you talk to your husband/bf about their behavior and how you feel about it.  Communication is the key to all relationships and if you feel like you are just a glorified babysitter to them sit back and rethink that real quick!!  You are their step mom not they will probably not call you Mom and thats ok but know you are their mom in your home.  Love them, show them respect, and make plans for just you and them.  That makes them feel valued and loved.  You will go far with that approach.

packermomof2
by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 2:30 PM
8 moms liked this

 


Quoting jazzybabe_782:

always realize that your step children aren't just your husbands or boyfriends children, they are now yours as well.

 

They were never just the man's... there is a mom, too.  And not everyone feels that dad's wife/gf has inherited children.  Mom may be very much against that mindset, really.   Especially if the SM acts on the idea that the kids are hers.

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
jazzybabe_782
by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 2:36 PM
2 moms liked this

oh you are so right on that as well!!  Trust me I've been a stepmom for 11 yrs now and his Mom was not on board with me being his step mom she was very resistant about it to be quite honest.  I told her as well as my SS that I am not his Mom and am not taking his Moms place and I had to reassure that to her on more than one occassion.  You are usually the one taking care of the children when they are at your house.  Never feel that you are the mom to them but in your heart you are when they are there.  I love my SS I wish he lived with us full time, but I absolutely do not agree with his Mom lifestyle, which is hard.  

sunflower8791
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:32 PM
2 moms liked this

 I have been married for 3yrs now... Both are spouses past away , we fell in love . I have known him for 30yrs , my Husband , his son is 14 now. He  won't do school work  & lies about everything , direspectful to me. husband & i don't agree on any disipline , thinks i'm too harsh . daddy doesn't follow through on any disipline. we get calls from teachers about his work , dad works shift work too. This is tearing our relationship to pieces ....I want to make this work but dad thinks if you ignore it , it will get better but i'm yo the point i may ask them to leave. i have no say in his son & resenting his daddy too..... PLEASE HELP !!!!! THANKS

mommyo04
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:02 PM

I Have 3 step kids they going live me and bf pretty soon the kids look at as their mom what do 2 mothe of the kids mom get out of prison want to da with even thouth she any right to them what do the one mom has are ready take off with zac wich 4 year right their with uncle for tell 3 bedroom i love as my own know their kids they 1, 2,9 mos old   now their 7,6,4 love their own don't do.

busymoonmommy
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:16 PM
8 moms liked this

I'm sorry. I have no idea what this says.


Quoting mommyo04:

I Have 3 step kids they going live me and bf pretty soon the kids look at as their mom what do 2 mothe of the kids mom get out of prison want to da with even thouth she any right to them what do the one mom has are ready take off with zac wich 4 year right their with uncle for tell 3 bedroom i love as my own know their kids they 1, 2,9 mos old   now their 7,6,4 love their own don't do.



DDDaysh
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

 It's CM, you'll have to get used to that. 

We have some pretty good translators in here though.  Maybe one will show up and interpret. 

Quoting busymoonmommy:

I'm sorry. I have no idea what this says.

 

Quoting mommyo04:

I Have 3 step kids they going live me and bf pretty soon the kids look at as their mom what do 2 mothe of the kids mom get out of prison want to da with even thouth she any right to them what do the one mom has are ready take off with zac wich 4 year right their with uncle for tell 3 bedroom i love as my own know their kids they 1, 2,9 mos old   now their 7,6,4 love their own don't do.

 

 

 

mommyo04
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM

Im soory hard spelling things 

what i meant is i have 3 step kids their believe me and their dad pretty soon .they look at as their mom the two older kids the same mother which has no rights to the b/c she is be hide bars for long time the young kid mom also has no right him my Quezon is are for me conts them my kids even if no their mom by blood 

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this

No, you're not their mom, you're their step mom and there is a difference even if their moms have no parental rights.  Unless you adopt them, then they become yours legally.

Quoting mommyo04:

Im soory hard spelling things 

what i meant is i have 3 step kids their believe me and their dad pretty soon .they look at as their mom the two older kids the same mother which has no rights to the b/c she is be hide bars for long time the young kid mom also has no right him my Quezon is are for me conts them my kids even if no their mom by blood 


mommyo04
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:33 PM

ok thank you that alot 

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