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new issue i dont know how to deal with

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:58 AM
  • 15 Replies

My soon to be stepson is 8yrs old. recently he has entered a new phase of being too physical and getting into peoples personal space alot! he "bopped" me in the head playing around but it was too hard so I bopped him back saying "hey thats TOO hard, dont do it again" then he bopps even harder while laughing. So i grabbed his arm and said we are both going to agree to stop playing around with this whole bopping thing cause its gone too far. he replies with a "no" then tries to jerk out of my grasp. So I would not let go and then said Im not letting go until you agree that this will not happen again! I reminded him that I dont let Bailey (my daughter) talk or treat me with this kind of disrespect and im not going to let you do it either. Then I let go and he took off running for his dad! For the most part my fiance backs me up when it comes to me and his kids and I back him up when he deals with my child!         Is there another way for me, myself, to handle this kind of behavior from him! Normally he doesnt act this way, thats why I think its a phase, also bc my daughter went throuh something similar to this when she was his age, with the whole getting into others personal space but she never hit anyone even playing cause she new better. She knew I would not let that go without some sort of repercussion!     I need advise please!

by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:11 AM
3 moms liked this

It sounds like you were firm without being unfair.  Fear is more powerful than hitting back.  Boys are physical critters, so if you hit back, you're just upping the ante on the game.  The additional lesson, to be backed by your fiance, is that boys do not hit girls.  Ever.  He can go bop his friends, but his stepsister and stbSM are off limits.

DDDaysh
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:26 AM

 I don't see anything particularly odd about his actions.  He's a little boy and is very ramped up.  My brothers played like that, my cousins played like that, my son's played like that, and even my neice and girl cousins have played like that.  It doesn't sound like he was being mean, it sounds like he was being hyper. 

 

1ofmyownplus2
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:27 AM

I totally agree! He is a big WWE fan and since this new "phase" started we havent really pointed out that girls are off limits! Its like he doesnt know when the playing around is over and when it just got serious starts! My fiance did have a talk with him after I left though! We've together over 3 years and still dont live together beacause we both know our kids arent ready for the transition! He has a boy and a girl, I just have a girl. My girl has "only child syndrome" so her stand on having siblings changes everyday but she loves her soon to be stepdad and his daughter she already calls her sister. She just doesnt want to claim her soon to be brother! I love all three soo much but im still getting used to how to handle the 2 that arent my own. His little girl and I get along just fine. All three go to the same school and that helps, I just hope the transition into living together this year will go smoothly even though I know nothing is perfect!! Thank you and sorry for my rambling even though its been over three years I feel as though we are just now getting to the point that I can handle his 2 more than I have before without going to far and him with mine! its def an adventure!

1ofmyownplus2
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:46 AM

this hyper is just new is all! normally he wrestles with his dad and my daughter bc she is sort of a tomboy and likes to play around. Me and his daughter on the other hand dont like to wrestle in the floor! He took playing around and turned it into being disrespectful to an adult I have never had this issue with him before! This weeknend we all saw a new "Logan" and he was on everybody all weekend long verbally and physically like never before! He's 8 and i know he is probably starting to feel like an individual and not just one of the kids that get thrown in the shuffle! I think he realizes he has always been the youngest and the "baby" he liked that status up until recently! I want to support him finding himself and let him know what he thinks, says and does are important but there is a point where he takes it too far! He did anything he could to argue with both of the girls this weekend including myself! I think Im still in shock ove the "new Logan" I dealt with my daughter's (finding her voice) ok, hard at times but manageable! I have all three from time to time and could handle their differences just fine! I feel clueless with this, all I know is he has to learn when people dont want to play like that he needs to learn to stop and get out of their "bubble" anything I tried this weekend didnt work so back to the drawing board. I love them and will do anything I can for them, I just want to do it right. Im not perfect by any means just want to try to do the best I can! :/

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

That's exactly what it is.  He's experimenting with physical play and having to learn a new set of boundaries.  The same thing will occur when he starts trying sass on for size.  The phases kids go through, however frustrating for adults around them, are about learning when and with whom certain actions, words, etc., are permissable.  So he's into wrestling.  That's okay.  He just needs to understand that certain individuals are off limits.   

Quoting 1ofmyownplus2:

Its like he doesnt know when the playing around is over and when it just got serious starts!


 

CodeBlue
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Child hits and to teach him not to hit, you hit him back.
Awesome.
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ejsmom4604
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Boys are extreamly physical. My oldest is 8 (will be 9 in just over a month). The attitude annoys the hell out of me. And I'm his BM (BD has never been around). We have been able to curb some of the physical stuff by having him be on the youth wrestling team. He loves it. I just don't tolerate the attitude and niether does DH. He gets called on it all the time ;) 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:19 PM
If it were me, I would distance myself from that child. You can't discipline him or make him respect you if he doesn't. It does sound like he is playing around and that maybe you have played along in the past so maybe he can't tell that you are serious now. I would distance myself from him. He would get the hint that I am not playing and do not like to be hit in the head.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:24 PM
Sounds like daddy needs to take him to the side and get serious with him.

My son has been wrestled with since a very young age. My husband thought wrestling with him was showing affection, playing around, being boys. Until my son started demonstrating his wrestling moves at school. Oh wow! The horror of that phone call!!
We had to stop it completely. No more wrestling. He doesn't understand when it's appropriate so we had to just stop it. It may need to completly stop if you can't get it under control. He doesn't seem to realize the difference between play and serious And someone getting hurt.


Quoting 1ofmyownplus2:

this hyper is just new is all! normally he wrestles with his dad and my daughter bc she is sort of a tomboy and likes to play around. Me and his daughter on the other hand dont like to wrestle in the floor! He took playing around and turned it into being disrespectful to an adult I have never had this issue with him before! This weeknend we all saw a new "Logan" and he was on everybody all weekend long verbally and physically like never before! He's 8 and i know he is probably starting to feel like an individual and not just one of the kids that get thrown in the shuffle! I think he realizes he has always been the youngest and the "baby" he liked that status up until recently! I want to support him finding himself and let him know what he thinks, says and does are important but there is a point where he takes it too far! He did anything he could to argue with both of the girls this weekend including myself! I think Im still in shock ove the "new Logan" I dealt with my daughter's (finding her voice) ok, hard at times but manageable! I have all three from time to time and could handle their differences just fine! I feel clueless with this, all I know is he has to learn when people dont want to play like that he needs to learn to stop and get out of their "bubble" anything I tried this weekend didnt work so back to the drawing board. I love them and will do anything I can for them, I just want to do it right. Im not perfect by any means just want to try to do the best I can! :/


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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:31 PM

 i dont even play around with any type of hitting. i wouldnt have touched the kid but he wouldnt have hit me to start with. if they hit me id tell their dad and theyd get a whuppin and a BIG talking to and grounded.

ihave huge DV issues though, i didnt even let my sons hit me when they were babies and toddlers. they are both HUGE now and i am glad i held that boundary. 18 year old is over 6 feet and 195 and 14 year old is over 6 feet and 170.

 
        
         

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