Why can't he be happy being called by his first name?!

[feliciasmith]

Ugh! So we all know the same old story of sdad or smom being called dad or mom. My situation however is not that, Im my first name and so is dh. My mother however is DEAD set on her boyfriend of 5 months being my dd's grandpa. I told her no grandpa is not okay. We go over there today my dd is calling him papa. I glare at my mother who sheepishly pretends not to notice. I am going to freak out on her.

Back story is this guy and my mother have been married and divorced TWICE!!!!! I dont like him but Im cordial because "this time it's forever" Whatever she can live in her fantasy world but I need a nice way of telling her he is Not my dd's anything.

She texted me after I told her he first time that my dd really likes him and theres nothing meaningful in a name anyway.... Grr I refuse to let her drag my dd into their shenanigans HELP PREASE!

[feliciasmith]

She's also the one who insisted on my dd calling dh (who isnt dd's bio dad) daddy, we just broke her of that habit. She now calls him Nick. My poor baby is going to be so freaking confused.

[Derdriu]

Tell your DD to call him Mr. So-and-so. 

Boyfriends are temporary.  Apparently, in your mom's case, so are husbands.  This cycle of grandpa/not-grandpa is ultimately confusing and harmful to your DD.  A grandfather should be a forever figure.  Your mom's boyfriend isn't.  History has proven that.  As frustrating as it much be for you to have stepdad/not-stepdad, it's understandable you would not want to subject your child to your mother's fickle relationship patterns.  Have you ever told her how you feel about this guy bebopping in and out of her life and why you're trying to guard your DD from it? 

[feliciasmith]

The problem with setting my dd down for the chat is she 2. She'll retain that info for 5 seconds until she gets to my mothers and grandma is insisting he is her grandpa. I've already talked to her about it and now it's just disrespectful.

And she watches dd one or two days a week for the few hrs dh and my schedules overlap. She also gave up her apartment to move in with this guy so obviously he is always there.

Quoting Derdriu:

Tell your DD to call him Mr. So-and-so. 

Boyfriends are temporary.  Apparently, in your mom's case, so are husbands.  This cycle of grandpa/not-grandpa is ultimately confusing and harmful to your DD.  A grandfather should be a forever figure.  Your mom's boyfriend isn't.  History has proven that.  As frustrating as it much be for you to have stepdad/not-stepdad, it's understandable you would not want to subject your child to your mother's fickle relationship patterns.  Have you ever told her how you feel about this guy bebopping in and out of her life and why you're trying to guard your DD from it? 

[rebeccasmly]

How old is your DD? If she old enough, I would explain in an age-appropriate way that while grandma would like her call her bf grandpa, you do not want her calling him that and she is to address him as Mr so-and-so or by his 1st name.

[Birdseed]

Had one of those in my family too.  Luckily, we didn't see him much living states away.  But my great aunt and this guy (I don't even know WHAT to call him) were total douche canoes.  They're both dead now and I should feel badly saying that, but I don't.  

Anyway.  I'd let it go with DD.  Let her call him what she calls him.

Personally, I'd find a cool name for him that he's cool with like "douche bag" (kidding).  Maybe a word for gpa that is per his cultural background?  In a foreign language?  LOL

Seriously though, if he's kind to your DD and treats her like a granddaughter, I'd let it go.  How the kids get treated is more important than a name.

[Derdriu]

If she's only 2, you have to teach through repetition.  Grandma gets a few hours a week.  You have much more time to emphasize Mr So-and-So and correct your DD when she says papa.  And I'd certainly make a point to make that correction in front of the two of them when the opportunity presents.  Your DD isn't disrepecting Grandma in this instance; Grandma is disrespecting you.  A 2yo really can't be held accountable for that type of confusion.

[STVUstudent]

Let it go.  I get that YOU do not see this guy as in any way a parental figure, so he is not father to you.  That is fine.  He is DD's grandmother's husband, and if they want to call him grandpa, why does it matter?

It really doesn't take anything away from you.

[STVUstudent]

 

Quoting feliciasmith:

She's also the one who insisted on my dd calling dh (who isnt dd's bio dad) daddy, we just broke her of that habit. She now calls him Nick. My poor baby is going to be so freaking confused.

So you and your DD live with DH, and she started calling him daddy (at your mom's prompting), and at 2, you felt like you needed to do that and have her call him by his name?  ummmm... okay.  Do you not WANT your child to see your DH in a parental role?  Do you not want her to have a daddy?  Or did HE not want to be her daddy?  THAT will confuse her. 

 

[feliciasmith]

Oh no I know its not her fault she's just our little parakeet. I'm upset at my mother for this not dd

thanks also thats great advice I never really talk about him but I suppose I'll have to start

Quoting Derdriu:

If she's only 2, you have to teach through repetition.  Grandma gets a few hours a week.  You have much more time to emphasize Mr So-and-So and correct your DD when she says papa.  And I'd certainly make a point to make that correction in front of the two of them when the opportunity presents.  Your DD isn't disrepecting Grandma in this instance; Grandma is disrespecting you.  A 2yo really can't be held accountable for that type of confusion.

[feliciasmith]

She was 11 months when he and I started dating. I adressed him as nick my mom addressed him as daddy, at the time I was living with my mother. Dd didnt call him anything until like 18 months and it was unfortunetly daddy. We corrected her and it only went on for a few months with her calling him daddy, daddy nick, then just nick. She still loves him and he still loves her but he just isnt her father. In a few years when she's old enough to understand and make the decision to call him dad that would be wonderful.

Quoting STVUstudent:

 

Quoting feliciasmith:

She's also the one who insisted on my dd calling dh (who isnt dd's bio dad) daddy, we just broke her of that habit. She now calls him Nick. My poor baby is going to be so freaking confused.

So you and your DD live with DH, and she started calling him daddy (at your mom's prompting), and at 2, you felt like you needed to do that and have her call him by his name?  ummmm... okay.  Do you not WANT your child to see your DH in a parental role?  Do you not want her to have a daddy?  Or did HE not want to be her daddy?  THAT will confuse her.