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Why can't he be happy being called by his first name?!

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Ugh! So we all know the same old story of sdad or smom being called dad or mom. My situation however is not that, Im my first name and so is dh. My mother however is DEAD set on her boyfriend of 5 months being my dd's grandpa. I told her no grandpa is not okay. We go over there today my dd is calling him papa. I glare at my mother who sheepishly pretends not to notice. I am going to freak out on her.

Back story is this guy and my mother have been married and divorced TWICE!!!!! I dont like him but Im cordial because "this time it's forever" Whatever she can live in her fantasy world but I need a nice way of telling her he is Not my dd's anything.

She texted me after I told her he first time that my dd really likes him and theres nothing meaningful in a name anyway.... Grr I refuse to let her drag my dd into their shenanigans HELP PREASE!
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by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:22 PM
Replies (11-20):
Roo1234
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I would call him by his name every time you speak to your daughter about him.  Correct her gently if necessary--every time.  Make it clear to your mom that he isn't your parent and therefore he certainly isn't your daughter's grandparent.  And if she says there is "nothing meaningful in a name"  reply "Great. I'm glad you agree that he will be called ____ from now on."  and end the discussion.  If she still continues to harp on it.  Tell her no more visits because if she can't respect something this "minor" then you can't trust her for the more important issues either.

My sister's boyfriend is somene I don't really care for and although she has insisted that our kids call him "uncle" they never have because of my example.

STVUstudent
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:02 PM

 Personally, I disagree here- if he wants to be dad, I would let him and encourage her to call him dad.  Reason?  If she grows up calling him Nick it will be hard to transition later to dad... if he is her dad in everything except biology, I would let her call him dad. 

As for the grandparent issue, all I can think is that your resentment of your mother and her husband must be pretty raw.  My kids have tons of "uncles" and "aunts" and even an extra grandpa and grandma.  It doesn't hurt anything, and it seriously does not take anything away from anyone else to let DD call him grandpa.  (even if you don't like him)


Quoting feliciasmith:

She was 11 months when he and I started dating. I adressed him as nick my mom addressed him as daddy, at the time I was living with my mother. Dd didnt call him anything until like 18 months and it was unfortunetly daddy. We corrected her and it only went on for a few months with her calling him daddy, daddy nick, then just nick. She still loves him and he still loves her but he just isnt her father. In a few years when she's old enough to understand and make the decision to call him dad that would be wonderful.


Quoting STVUstudent:

 


 


Quoting feliciasmith:

She's also the one who insisted on my dd calling dh (who isnt dd's bio dad) daddy, we just broke her of that habit. She now calls him Nick. My poor baby is going to be so freaking confused.

So you and your DD live with DH, and she started calling him daddy (at your mom's prompting), and at 2, you felt like you needed to do that and have her call him by his name?  ummmm... okay.  Do you not WANT your child to see your DH in a parental role?  Do you not want her to have a daddy?  Or did HE not want to be her daddy?  THAT will confuse her. 


 



 

destiny83
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:07 PM

You may have answered this so I apologize ahead of time, but is her BF partof her life? And do you have a dad who is "grandpa" to her?

feliciasmith
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:09 PM
It does effect my dd if she calls him gpa for a yr then my mom and he split. He has no reason to continue to play gpa to my dd then, he only does now because he wants to impress my mom.

Lots of people dissagree but thats okay she doesnt love him any less now then she did the few months he was daddy. And he does have more grounds for a title then my moms bf so idk why she thinks Id let my dd call her bf gpa but my husband Nick. Anywho my mind is already set I just needed suggestions on a polite way to tell my ma to knock it off already :)


Quoting STVUstudent:

 Personally, I disagree here- if he wants to be dad, I would let him and encourage her to call him dad.  Reason?  If she grows up calling him Nick it will be hard to transition later to dad... if he is her dad in everything except biology, I would let her call him dad. 


As for the grandparent issue, all I can think is that your resentment of your mother and her husband must be pretty raw.  My kids have tons of "uncles" and "aunts" and even an extra grandpa and grandma.  It doesn't hurt anything, and it seriously does not take anything away from anyone else to let DD call him grandpa.  (even if you don't like him)




Quoting feliciasmith:

She was 11 months when he and I started dating. I adressed him as nick my mom addressed him as daddy, at the time I was living with my mother. Dd didnt call him anything until like 18 months and it was unfortunetly daddy. We corrected her and it only went on for a few months with her calling him daddy, daddy nick, then just nick. She still loves him and he still loves her but he just isnt her father. In a few years when she's old enough to understand and make the decision to call him dad that would be wonderful.



Quoting STVUstudent:


 



 



Quoting feliciasmith:

She's also the one who insisted on my dd calling dh (who isnt dd's bio dad) daddy, we just broke her of that habit. She now calls him Nick. My poor baby is going to be so freaking confused.


So you and your DD live with DH, and she started calling him daddy (at your mom's prompting), and at 2, you felt like you needed to do that and have her call him by his name?  ummmm... okay.  Do you not WANT your child to see your DH in a parental role?  Do you not want her to have a daddy?  Or did HE not want to be her daddy?  THAT will confuse her. 



 





 


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feliciasmith
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:12 PM
No her birthfather went mia shortly after her birth. My father passed when I was 7 so she only has grandmas


Quoting destiny83:

You may have answered this so I apologize ahead of time, but is her BF partof her life? And do you have a dad who is "grandpa" to her?


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STVUstudent
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:15 PM

well, then, just continue to tell DD that "grandpa" is Mr. X or "Bob" and sooner or later, she will get it.  If you never refer to him as grandpa, and if when she does, you say, "Who?  Do you mean Bob?" she will eventually stop, if for no other reason than to please you.

feliciasmith
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 3:38 PM
Haha thanks I'll try that


Quoting STVUstudent:

well, then, just continue to tell DD that "grandpa" is Mr. X or "Bob" and sooner or later, she will get it.  If you never refer to him as grandpa, and if when she does, you say, "Who?  Do you mean Bob?" she will eventually stop, if for no other reason than to please you.


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PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:56 PM
I think we have the same mother.... SMH. :(
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feliciasmith
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 5:19 PM
Omgosh its annoying. Her last bf was "grandpa" too I just ignored her because my dd couldnt even talk then lol bbbllllaaaaaahhhchgndjskfjfid


Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

I think we have the same mother.... SMH. :(

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LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Feb. 25, 2013 at 6:45 PM

My biological father tried that with his wife (technically my SM) back in the day when I was inclined to mend fences.  He wanted my kids to call his wife Mom-Mom, I was not having it.  She hardly knew my kids at that point, and I eventually had to terminate any communication with them,as they are toxic, crazy, abusive people.  Just correct your child when you hear her refer to him as Grandpa, it will work itself out.

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