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Holidays & Special Events

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM
  • 12 Replies

This post is a place for us to ask questions and share advice about how to handle holidays and special events.

Here are some tips from the moms in this group:

  • Put kids needs first
  • It's ok to share events with the birth mom
  • Call the kids on holidays/birthdays
  • Make traditions, create new holidays
  • Spend time on neutral ground
  • Ask the kids for ideas


happy holidays graduateholding easter egg

For more help: 


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Please share your best advice for celebrating holidays and special events as a step parent.

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bnc2712
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 3:20 PM
2 moms liked this
If I called my SD for a holiday. BM would freak out and definitely not let me talk to her. She rarely allows my daughter to talk to SD.
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I have yet to deal with this as a SM. But as BM I celebrate during my time. Knowing my ex doesn't take them when he is suppose to I do make special celebrations for us when it is his time. For example during Christmas break. If he is to have them the first half & I get them at 1pm I know he won't actually get them until Christmas morning (due to work schedule). So before they wake up I leave a small gift out for each of them to open with a note saying I know they will have fun at dad's & I can't wait for them to come back so we can do our celebration when they believed in Santa it was a note from Santa. I don't bother them while they are with their dad. And he doesn't bother them while they are with me.

This year will be interesting as we will be adding in my BF's kids to celebrations. Combining traditions will be fun & a learning experience. And who knows- we may even create new ones!
elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 4:26 PM
2 moms liked this

Here, we do all separate stuff. It is just less pain and drama. DH and BM usually alternate Christmas/Christmas Eve. Most of the others are split half days or alternated as some are more important than others to us or BM.

bonusmum
by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 5:14 PM

Us too. Completely separate. All of it. 

Quoting elisesmom922:

Here, we do all separate stuff. It is just less pain and drama. DH and BM usually alternate Christmas/Christmas Eve. Most of the others are split half days or alternated as some are more important than others to us or BM.


sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Follow the court order. Simple.
LovePhotoBug5
by Member on Jul. 29, 2014 at 5:35 PM

It is all separate. Attempted a birthday party together once - never again. BM was holding it during our weekend, wanted us to bring both SDs over. We got an invite from SD - we were to stay and help with all the kids. As we were driving over, BM told us she didn't feel "comfortable" with us staying at the party. So we had to leave, we decided to go see a movie, and then come back after the movie was over to pick up older SD. We ended up missing out on the rest of the day with birthday girl because there was no reason for her to come back to our house when we would be driving her back the next morning for school. Anytime we "bent" the CO for BM - she would just screw us over. (for example, right now she is screwing us over on summer vacation time - not allowing us to have our time like she has hers). Off to the courts again.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 5:26 PM

99% of the holiday time-we have the stepkids...BM does her own thing either before or after the holiday. (Its always been this way before I came into the picture)

It's rare for them to split the day.

It's less stress all the way around

rwcw89
by Member on Aug. 28, 2014 at 6:18 PM
We follow court order for who gets sd for special events. School events we share and just avoid talking to each other , we make sure sd knows we were there and move on with our day. Santa visits two houses so does Easter bunny and the tooth fairy
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 28, 2014 at 7:12 PM

The only holidays mentioned in the CO are Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mothers day, and Fathers day. SD is with BM every other Thanksgiving and Christmas. If SD is there for Thanksgiving, she's with us for Christmas and vise versa. Mothers day is spent with BM every year and Father's day is spent with DH every year.

Other holidays and events fall where they fall.

BM never comes to school events. And she's only come to 2 doctors appointments. When BM shows up, everyone plays nice. It's HORRIBLY awkward, but we all muddle through. 

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2014 at 12:03 PM

This right here is why I, as BM, hold celebrations like birthdays on my own weekends. Less drama for me. 

Quoting LovePhotoBug5:

It is all separate. Attempted a birthday party together once - never again. BM was holding it during our weekend, wanted us to bring both SDs over. We got an invite from SD - we were to stay and help with all the kids. As we were driving over, BM told us she didn't feel "comfortable" with us staying at the party. So we had to leave, we decided to go see a movie, and then come back after the movie was over to pick up older SD. We ended up missing out on the rest of the day with birthday girl because there was no reason for her to come back to our house when we would be driving her back the next morning for school. Anytime we "bent" the CO for BM - she would just screw us over. (for example, right now she is screwing us over on summer vacation time - not allowing us to have our time like she has hers). Off to the courts again.


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