Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

HELP!

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:21 PM
  • 14 Replies

I need some advise... I have 3 step children 16,13, & 8 and my son is 19 and in college 850 miles away. I am having a difficult time with my husbands 3 kids bickering, arguing, not listening & lying constantly. I never delt with that with my son, he was a pretty easy kid. (not saying he was perfect though) Since November, we have had them every other week. (before that we lived in another state & I didn't have a whole lot of time with them except summers)  I hate myself that I'm always crabbing at them and dissapointed in their behavior. I'm no fun to be around and feel like the worst mom in the world, sometimes not even liking them too much. The guilt is overwhelming....   any help out there?

by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:21 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:31 PM

wine? sorry in a seriousness your going from 1 kid to 3 give yourself some time and a little bit of space...

USBrit
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:47 PM
2 moms liked this

Why are you feeling guilty for their bad behavior!! I don't think even a bio would put up with that kind of behavior for long without something being said or done.

jenwolff
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:53 PM

Wine definately helps!!  lol

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:00 AM
3 moms liked this

When did your son leave? Is he a freshman or a sophomore?

remember, you don't have a bio filter with your skids that you have for your son.  I am a firm believer in the power of the bio filter and I came to that conclusion long before I was a SM.  you know how your best friend's whiny, screechy, loud child bugs the heck out of you?  I bet your kid bugs the heck out of your friend for the same reason.  As parents of these children from birth, we have developed a coping strategy including a bio filter that allows us to more easily tolerate bad behavior of our children.

Cut yourself some slack.  You miss your son and you suddenly have to deal with normal sibling bullshit.  

Gin works better than wine.

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 6:14 AM
I have found myself feeling like this before too. Don't beat yourself up over it though. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath so you can calm down then address the issues that are going on with your ss's don't feel bad though they are the ones misbehaving
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:16 AM
1 mom liked this

when they bicker and argue, leave the room. Don't crab at them, just walk away.

Lower your expectations for their behavior so you won't be disappointed. It's not your job to raise them, and anything you do for them is voluntary. Let your husband do as much as possible so  you can do as little as possible.


jenwolff
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Thank you so much. I've never thought of it that way. My husband gives me constant crap because I  don't get frustrated with my son like I do his kids. I feel it's because he's different, but my hubby makes me feel like I think he's perfect... thats not the case.

My son is a freshman. The hard part is that he doesnt want to stay with us during breaks because all his friends are in Missouri. So his life if basically 850 miles away from me, with a few short visits.  I struggle with not being able to be a bigger part of his life, what about when he has kids... I'll always be the long distance grandma.. kinda stinks...

I'll give gin a try! lol

rebeccasmly
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:20 PM

First of all, your only bio son is gone (and because of his age, I imagine its fairly recent). I'm sure you miss him like crazy. I know 850 miles can seem across the ocean when a mama is separated from her child. That is an adjustment you are going through in and of itself.

Second, you raised a single child and didn't have to deal with siblings. Now you have siblings living in your house and siblings tend to bicker.A huge change from what you are use to.

It sounds like you moved recently also. Once again, another change.

You've been through a lot of life changes lately. Give yourself time to adjust to everything. Allow your DH to handle his children as much as possible. If their bickering and behavior starts getting to you, leave the room and go read a book in quiet (or whatever else you do to relax).

And I agree with the others, alcohol works wonders. :-) (My favorite being a good sangria)

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:24 PM



Quoting jenwolff:

Thank you so much. I've never thought of it that way. My husband gives me constant crap because I  don't get frustrated with my son like I do his kids. I feel it's because he's different, but my hubby makes me feel like I think he's perfect... thats not the case.

My son is a freshman. The hard part is that he doesnt want to stay with us during breaks because all his friends are in Missouri. So his life if basically 850 miles away from me, with a few short visits.  I struggle with not being able to be a bigger part of his life, what about when he has kids... I'll always be the long distance grandma.. kinda stinks...

I'll give gin a try! lol


I am closer to BOTH of my parents living states and even countries away than I was when I lived in the same town.

Long distance relationships don't  equate to distant relationships.  

Be happy and proud that he's the kind of kid who CAN be out on his own without you.  That means you did a good job Momma!  Be proud.  

And your hubby is probably right.  You raised a good kid.  His kids are at hard ages and it sounds like the whole family is in transition since your move.  It takes time.  TAke a break and give yourself a little slack. Let Dad be a parent.  It's really NOT your job.  Really.

shanlee42
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:31 PM
You have gotten some great advice here. But I think you should go with vodka ;-)

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is all new to you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN