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your sitch

Posted by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:45 AM
  • 35 Replies
What advice worked, and what advice, didn't work?

We are all unique, and sp or parenting, is not a one size fits all.

So let's hear it.
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
andie646c
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Communicate.

The best thing I've learned (and am still learning) is how to communicate with SO. It is hard sometimes but the more we practice, the easier it gets.

So, the best "advice" was, "Talk to HIM about it!"

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:58 AM
Don't give BM head space was a good lesson to learn.
Don't "freak out" on the skids. They have 2 parents (this was needed for my stitch). As in grades,worrying..ect. (Still hard for me)

Pick your battles. Hills to die on.
Go ahead and vent but don't bring it home.
YOUR ROOM IS YOUR SAFE HAVEN! Lol.
Don't nag a lot
Put time into your kids. Not just the skids.
It's usually DH fault. I've learned if he doesn't stand up for certain things all hell breaks loose!
Don't be the middle man!
You can't change the other home.

Things that didnt work or I WISH I could have done are probably... I wish I would have been more outspoken at the beginning. I feel it's too late to say my first I love you. Or hugs... I tried to "not let BM feel jealous" and I should have just said what I feel to skids. Also wish I would have created some rules for them. I don't think I've ever said anything really to them.

It's hard Is all I know. y'all have helped and listen to me bitch! Lol.
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krazykiddles
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:00 AM
2 moms liked this

"Not my kids not my problem", Don't concern myself with BM.  Don't share anything in this group you don't want to be argued or put down for.

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:01 AM
Yep! A lot can be solved if Dh listens to you and really heard you. Today I had to explain to my Dh what I didn't think was fair. (Chores) and he listened. I was surprised. He's getting better but we still have issues sometimes. I do see its hard for him to parent "half the time" and if OSS is on tardy number 29 again,then I shut up. Which is hard. Lol.

I do think most issues can be handled via Dh!:)


Quoting andie646c:

Communicate.

The best thing I've learned (and am still learning) is how to communicate with SO. It is hard sometimes but the more we practice, the easier it gets.

So, the best "advice" was, "Talk to HIM about it!"

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:03 AM
Don't try to change bm. I tried it, tried to motivate her, tried to get her to step up.... It didn't do any god, and it just left me angry. :(

Now, df and I do what works for us. We tell bm about school activities, parties, etc. if she doesn't participate- not my problem. Df and I make sure ss feels loved and cared for, and sometimes we have to make excuses for bm.
It ticks me off to tell ss that bm isn't picking him up because "she must be really busy and I'm sure she'll be here ASAP."... But it's better for him.
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liltigersmom
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:05 AM
I tried, the first paragraph with ex, to no avail

Quoting dawnnamarie:

Don't try to change bm. I tried it, tried to motivate her, tried to get her to step up.... It didn't do any god, and it just left me angry. :(



Now, df and I do what works for us. We tell bm about school activities, parties, etc. if she doesn't participate- not my problem. Df and I make sure ss feels loved and cared for, and sometimes we have to make excuses for bm.

It ticks me off to tell ss that bm isn't picking him up because "she must be really busy and I'm sure she'll be here ASAP."... But it's better for him.
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dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:08 AM
Yeah, it doesn't work!!! Lol, actually it made things a whole lot worse!

I try to lead and motivate by example now. Nothing lights a fire under bm's ass like hearing from ss about the things- crafts, games, outings, etc- he does with df and I. ;)



Quoting liltigersmom:

I tried, the first paragraph with ex, to no avail



Quoting dawnnamarie:

Don't try to change bm. I tried it, tried to motivate her, tried to get her to step up.... It didn't do any god, and it just left me angry. :(





Now, df and I do what works for us. We tell bm about school activities, parties, etc. if she doesn't participate- not my problem. Df and I make sure ss feels loved and cared for, and sometimes we have to make excuses for bm.


It ticks me off to tell ss that bm isn't picking him up because "she must be really busy and I'm sure she'll be here ASAP."... But it's better for him.
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liltigersmom
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Step mom articles, no help for me.

Email is my best friend. Disengaging from ex worked.
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liltigersmom
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I think your skids bm is related to my ex.

We should set them up.


Quoting dawnnamarie:

Yeah, it doesn't work!!! Lol, actually it made things a whole lot worse!



I try to lead and motivate by example now. Nothing lights a fire under bm's ass like hearing from ss about the things- crafts, games, outings, etc- he does with df and I. ;)







Quoting liltigersmom:

I tried, the first paragraph with ex, to no avail





Quoting dawnnamarie:

Don't try to change bm. I tried it, tried to motivate her, tried to get her to step up.... It didn't do any god, and it just left me angry. :(







Now, df and I do what works for us. We tell bm about school activities, parties, etc. if she doesn't participate- not my problem. Df and I make sure ss feels loved and cared for, and sometimes we have to make excuses for bm.



It ticks me off to tell ss that bm isn't picking him up because "she must be really busy and I'm sure she'll be here ASAP."... But it's better for him.
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dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:21 AM
I'm in!! ;)

But her new bf seems ok. He even went out and bought a bday present and card for as to bring to dd's party!!! Super massive brownie points from df and I. Especially after bm's stbxh would get pissed and correct ss when he called my dd his "sister"


Quoting liltigersmom:

I think your skids bm is related to my ex.



We should set them up.




Quoting dawnnamarie:

Yeah, it doesn't work!!! Lol, actually it made things a whole lot worse!





I try to lead and motivate by example now. Nothing lights a fire under bm's ass like hearing from ss about the things- crafts, games, outings, etc- he does with df and I. ;)











Quoting liltigersmom:

I tried, the first paragraph with ex, to no avail







Quoting dawnnamarie:

Don't try to change bm. I tried it, tried to motivate her, tried to get her to step up.... It didn't do any god, and it just left me angry. :(









Now, df and I do what works for us. We tell bm about school activities, parties, etc. if she doesn't participate- not my problem. Df and I make sure ss feels loved and cared for, and sometimes we have to make excuses for bm.




It ticks me off to tell ss that bm isn't picking him up because "she must be really busy and I'm sure she'll be here ASAP."... But it's better for him.
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