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Sm's that are also Bm's

Posted by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:08 AM
  • 45 Replies
Do you think sm's who are also bm's are more understanding of their dh's cs amount? My dh pays more then I recieve but I honeslty don't think what I recieve is enough for anything so I understand that what he pays is essential to ss's needs at his moms house.

Not to say that all sm's hate cs of course.
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:26 AM

I fully understand DH's cs amount-I think it's fair because we get the kiddies every chance we can get PLUS we supply them with things they need for both houses. Some may say it's not enough-but a lot of ppl don't realize-we support SD11 even though she's not DH's bio child. We all make sure the kids are well taken care of.

My ex is court ordered to pay CS but doesn't. When he did-it was more then what Dh pays even though my ex made less but it made up for the fact that he's an asshole who refuses to have anything to do with my daughter simply because she's special needs.

LovingMy2x4
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:33 AM

I am both and I couldnt imagine being with someone who doesnt support their children. Financially or Emotionally. What *I* dont understand is when BM's (some, not all) expect the bio-dad give her every penny he makes "for the children." BM in our sitch doesnt think SO has the right to have any type of savings. He shouldnt have any extra money to do fun things with the kids, buy new clothes, go out to dinner or with friends, help me with the bills, etc. She thinks he should live at his parents in his old bedroom and just give her his paycheck. Her words, not mine. 

Anyway, thats a totally different subject but your post got me thinking about it.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:52 AM
If dh were a traditional ncp (eowe) I would and when he was had no issue with his cs. The only issue I have with it now isn't specific to him but in general I think if parents are equal 50/50 then there shouldn't be cs. They should each be respOnsible for supporting the child on their weeks and splitting any medical or extra costs evenly. In the county where my co is - if you have 50/50 there is no cs.
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adamsmom0116
by Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this

 This is me, too. My DH pays child support, has 50/50 custody of the kids, provides health insurance, and bills are supposed to be split 50/50 for medical, sports, etc. DH pays for everything the kids need, and BM reimburses him when and if and how much she feels like it. For example, one kid had a broken bone 2 Thanksgivings ago. BM has paid nothing toward that medical bill. She doesn't have the money. Kids all need new cleats or basketball shoes. BM gives DH $20 for her half of all 3 kids's shoes. You know, because you can buy 3 teenagers sports shoes for $40 total!

She is currently taking DH back to court in an attempt to get more CS. According to our state's CS worksheet, the CS will actually go DOWN if she pursues this, but she does not see it that way. She "needs more money to take care of the kids. They're expensive!" No shit, they're expensive. We know that! We pay for them too!

It's interesting that she doesn't have money for sports shoes or medical bills or prom tuxes, but she gets her nails done once a week, perm once a month, goes on vacation, eats out 4-5 times/week......

To me, this is frustrating. And I'm sure I'll hear about why I'm wrong from some of you, and that's ok. I don't mind DH paying CS and I don't mind getting the kids what they need. What I do mind is when BM needs more CS or refuses to pay for something b/c she doesn't have money, but then turns around and drops $100 so she and her DH can go to dinner and a movie once a week.


Quoting LovingMy2x4:

I am both and I couldnt imagine being with someone who doesnt support their children. Financially or Emotionally. What *I* dont understand is when BM's (some, not all) expect the bio-dad give her every penny he makes "for the children." BM in our sitch doesnt think SO has the right to have any type of savings. He shouldnt have any extra money to do fun things with the kids, buy new clothes, go out to dinner or with friends, help me with the bills, etc. She thinks he should live at his parents in his old bedroom and just give her his paycheck. Her words, not mine. 

Anyway, thats a totally different subject but your post got me thinking about it.


 

LovingMy2x4
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:12 PM

I totally get what you are saying and feel the exact same way. SO pays his child support (MORE than he is required to), pays part of her car payment, then pays half of all ECs. On top of that he also takes them clothes shopping, gets bday gifts for their friends, haircuts, etc. You know, all those things good and involved parents do. 

But when we bought a dog, I swear to you, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! Now, my SO doesnt make much (after CS), but I DO!!! Who the F is she to say what WE can purchase for OUR kids in OUR home?! And thats only one example. She has something to say everytime WE spend money. Drives me crazy!

Quoting adamsmom0116:

 This is me, too. My DH pays child support, has 50/50 custody of the kids, provides health insurance, and bills are supposed to be split 50/50 for medical, sports, etc. DH pays for everything the kids need, and BM reimburses him when and if and how much she feels like it. For example, one kid had a broken bone 2 Thanksgivings ago. BM has paid nothing toward that medical bill. She doesn't have the money. Kids all need new cleats or basketball shoes. BM gives DH $20 for her half of all 3 kids's shoes. You know, because you can buy 3 teenagers sports shoes for $40 total!

She is currently taking DH back to court in an attempt to get more CS. According to our state's CS worksheet, the CS will actually go DOWN if she pursues this, but she does not see it that way. She "needs more money to take care of the kids. They're expensive!" No shit, they're expensive. We know that! We pay for them too!

It's interesting that she doesn't have money for sports shoes or medical bills or prom tuxes, but she gets her nails done once a week, perm once a month, goes on vacation, eats out 4-5 times/week......

To me, this is frustrating. And I'm sure I'll hear about why I'm wrong from some of you, and that's ok. I don't mind DH paying CS and I don't mind getting the kids what they need. What I do mind is when BM needs more CS or refuses to pay for something b/c she doesn't have money, but then turns around and drops $100 so she and her DH can go to dinner and a movie once a week.


Quoting LovingMy2x4:

I am both and I couldnt imagine being with someone who doesnt support their children. Financially or Emotionally. What *I* dont understand is when BM's (some, not all) expect the bio-dad give her every penny he makes "for the children." BM in our sitch doesnt think SO has the right to have any type of savings. He shouldnt have any extra money to do fun things with the kids, buy new clothes, go out to dinner or with friends, help me with the bills, etc. She thinks he should live at his parents in his old bedroom and just give her his paycheck. Her words, not mine. 

Anyway, thats a totally different subject but your post got me thinking about it.




pepper504
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:54 PM

CS is just that.  CS.  DH pays it.  It's just another bill that is paid every month.  What BM does with it, I don't care.  If she is not spending it on SS14, then shame on her.  She is not hurting DH, she is hurting SS if that is the case.

I do know that BM thinks that her DH pays "too much" with regards to his two kids.  He pays $411 a month for two kids (14 and 11).  DH pays BM $740 for one kid and she seems to think that is not enough.  Hypocritical much?

Ex and I have 50/50 and everything is split down the middle.  It works for us. 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:44 PM

 i dont have an issue with what he pays. if she was constantly dragging him to court id be annoyed though, because i dont do that. but i know different ppl do different things.

i do get annoyed when she tries to run game but she hasnt done that in a long time.

liltigersmom
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:47 PM
Your ex is on my shit list, and will remain there.

Quoting Tigress22304:

I fully understand DH's cs amount-I think it's fair because we get the kiddies every chance we can get PLUS we supply them with things they need for both houses. Some may say it's not enough-but a lot of ppl don't realize-we support SD11 even though she's not DH's bio child. We all make sure the kids are well taken care of.

My ex is court ordered to pay CS but doesn't. When he did-it was more then what Dh pays even though my ex made less but it made up for the fact that he's an asshole who refuses to have anything to do with my daughter simply because she's special needs.

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liltigersmom
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:47 PM
Or another scenario, sm never received cs, so why does the ex need it?
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:51 PM

 in these situations, its teh SM bad for not pursuing it. and maybe she did and her childrens father is a dead beat. that scenario sucks and is sad but not BM's fault.

Quoting liltigersmom:

Or another scenario, sm never received cs, so why does the ex need it?

 

 
        
         

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