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Do you think sm's who are also bm's are more understanding of their dh's cs amount? My dh pays more then I recieve but I honeslty don't think what I recieve is enough for anything so I understand that what he pays is essential to ss's needs at his moms house.

Not to say that all sm's hate cs of course.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:08 AM
Replies (11-20):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm not an SM but I want to comment. Lol if you don't mind! ;)

I try to view situation as they come. I think I receive a large amount of CS. I think it is fair based on the calculator that was used. It's 20% of net income. So it's not a percentage of his total gross income. They take into consideration taxes and health insurance, any extras he has pulled out before net income. It's really only about 12% of his gross income. That's not a lot in the grand scheme of things.

His wife receives (according to her ) a lot more than I do. We both have one child. She also has an ex that pays their house payment and insurance and all extra curriculars and pays tuition on private school. He is very good to her. They are very good friends. I wish I was able to have that kind of relationship with my ex. It seems very healthy. But CS is such a sore subject for us. She hates it that my ex pays. She gets angry when it's brought up or in court or hearings. He pays WAY too much in her opinion. But yet my ex doesn't pay for anything outside of his ordered amount. He doesn't pay any of my bills, he never paid child care, our dd was never in private school, he doesn't pay for any extras or help out with school stuff, supplies, fundraisers, etc. I don't understand it. I don't know why it's OK for her ex to pay all that he does but my ex shouldn't be paying what the court orders bc it's too much for a child to need. She believes it's beyond what would cover a child per month.

My sister is another example. She gets a very small amount in CS. Her boyfriend pays an agreed to amount and helps with daycare and extras. My sister thinks he pays way too much and is helping his ex to be a SAHM. Who cares!? She has a crappy ex that refuses to get a real job and has never provided for their son. She is now with a man that values his children and wants them to be provided for. She should find some happiness in that. She has a good man. But it's a sore subject. I don't get it.
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MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:53 PM

I don't receive a lot of CS being a BM, but my DH pays almost half  of what I get for 2 for his 1. I understand that, but we also have SD 50/50.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:01 PM
I'm a mom only and I don't understand people this way either. Being divorced doesn't mean you should struggle and suffer and never enjoy a raise. That's why I won't ever take my ex back for a modification. I am happy with what I receive and although I know he has probably received raises, I don't feel 'entitled' to more just bc he got a raise and is doing well.

I also don't like NCPs that feel that CPs should ever have anything nice if they pay CS. I always hear stories about how mom's get their nails done and they drive nice cars. They get $250 a month and are 'living' off of CS. Lol especially when CP works full time and has an income of their own. The whole CS debate annoys me. Someone's either paying too much, getting too much, not using it right, isn't living in enough poverty to deserve the 'support' etc etc. I've been accused of things before and it's so ridiculous. I work full time and I am making pretty good money. My husband also makes good money. Can I provide for my child without CS? Yes. But that isn't what it's for. It isn't ordered just because a parent can't live without it. It's a responsibility, an obligation - it doesn't matter what CP makes or how they live, it needs to be paid as financial support for the child.

If I was a millionaire, dad would still need to pay his support.


Quoting LovingMy2x4:

I am both and I couldnt imagine being with someone who doesnt support their children. Financially or Emotionally. What *I* dont understand is when BM's (some, not all) expect the bio-dad give her every penny he makes "for the children." BM in our sitch doesnt think SO has the right to have any type of savings. He shouldnt have any extra money to do fun things with the kids, buy new clothes, go out to dinner or with friends, help me with the bills, etc. She thinks he should live at his parents in his old bedroom and just give her his paycheck. Her words, not mine. 

Anyway, thats a totally different subject but your post got me thinking about it.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
liltigersmom
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:03 PM
Nope, but sometimes you'll hear, how sm raised her kids, on her own blah blah. If I can do it, than bm can.

Quoting faerie75:

 in these situations, its teh SM bad for not pursuing it. and maybe she did and her childrens father is a dead beat. that scenario sucks and is sad but not BM's fault.


Quoting liltigersmom:

Or another scenario, sm never received cs, so why does the ex need it?

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:05 PM

 yes i know. oh well, shes wrong there.

Quoting liltigersmom:

Nope, but sometimes you'll hear, how sm raised her kids, on her own blah blah. If I can do it, than bm can.

Quoting faerie75:

 in these situations, its teh SM bad for not pursuing it. and maybe she did and her childrens father is a dead beat. that scenario sucks and is sad but not BM's fault.


Quoting liltigersmom:

Or another scenario, sm never received cs, so why does the ex need it?

 

 

 
        
         

LovingMy2x4
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:11 PM

The only reason Im a stickler with CS from my ex is because he is not involved in their lives at all. He makes good money (CS is more than my monthly paycheck) and I feel like my KIDS deserve that. They got shafted in the "relationship" area of having a father, so they should at least benefit greatly that he makes a lot of money. They shouldnt have to need for anything. They should be set up financially when they go off to college. They should go to summer camp and have great birthday parties. This doesnt make up for their Dad not wanting to be a part of their life, but at least it ads in some other happy memories that I wouldnt be able to afford without CS. And I only get a couple hundred more a month than law requires...its not like I took him for all he's worth. But if he is giving me what is in our CO, then I dont give a crap what he does with the rest of his money. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

I'm a mom only and I don't understand people this way either. Being divorced doesn't mean you should struggle and suffer and never enjoy a raise. That's why I won't ever take my ex back for a modification. I am happy with what I receive and although I know he has probably received raises, I don't feel 'entitled' to more just bc he got a raise and is doing well.

I also don't like NCPs that feel that CPs should ever have anything nice if they pay CS. I always hear stories about how mom's get their nails done and they drive nice cars. They get $250 a month and are 'living' off of CS. Lol especially when CP works full time and has an income of their own. The whole CS debate annoys me. Someone's either paying too much, getting too much, not using it right, isn't living in enough poverty to deserve the 'support' etc etc. I've been accused of things before and it's so ridiculous. I work full time and I am making pretty good money. My husband also makes good money. Can I provide for my child without CS? Yes. But that isn't what it's for. It isn't ordered just because a parent can't live without it. It's a responsibility, an obligation - it doesn't matter what CP makes or how they live, it needs to be paid as financial support for the child.

If I was a millionaire, dad would still need to pay his support.


Quoting LovingMy2x4:

I am both and I couldnt imagine being with someone who doesnt support their children. Financially or Emotionally. What *I* dont understand is when BM's (some, not all) expect the bio-dad give her every penny he makes "for the children." BM in our sitch doesnt think SO has the right to have any type of savings. He shouldnt have any extra money to do fun things with the kids, buy new clothes, go out to dinner or with friends, help me with the bills, etc. She thinks he should live at his parents in his old bedroom and just give her his paycheck. Her words, not mine. 

Anyway, thats a totally different subject but your post got me thinking about it.



LovingMy2x4
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:13 PM

She sounds like a very selfish person. Seems like she expects all her men to just wait on HER at all times. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

I'm not an SM but I want to comment. Lol if you don't mind! ;)

I try to view situation as they come. I think I receive a large amount of CS. I think it is fair based on the calculator that was used. It's 20% of net income. So it's not a percentage of his total gross income. They take into consideration taxes and health insurance, any extras he has pulled out before net income. It's really only about 12% of his gross income. That's not a lot in the grand scheme of things.

His wife receives (according to her ) a lot more than I do. We both have one child. She also has an ex that pays their house payment and insurance and all extra curriculars and pays tuition on private school. He is very good to her. They are very good friends. I wish I was able to have that kind of relationship with my ex. It seems very healthy. But CS is such a sore subject for us. She hates it that my ex pays. She gets angry when it's brought up or in court or hearings. He pays WAY too much in her opinion. But yet my ex doesn't pay for anything outside of his ordered amount. He doesn't pay any of my bills, he never paid child care, our dd was never in private school, he doesn't pay for any extras or help out with school stuff, supplies, fundraisers, etc. I don't understand it. I don't know why it's OK for her ex to pay all that he does but my ex shouldn't be paying what the court orders bc it's too much for a child to need. She believes it's beyond what would cover a child per month.

My sister is another example. She gets a very small amount in CS. Her boyfriend pays an agreed to amount and helps with daycare and extras. My sister thinks he pays way too much and is helping his ex to be a SAHM. Who cares!? She has a crappy ex that refuses to get a real job and has never provided for their son. She is now with a man that values his children and wants them to be provided for. She should find some happiness in that. She has a good man. But it's a sore subject. I don't get it.


Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 3:50 PM


Quoting liltigersmom:

Your ex is on my shit list, and will remain there.

Quoting Tigress22304:

I fully understand DH's cs amount-I think it's fair because we get the kiddies every chance we can get PLUS we supply them with things they need for both houses. Some may say it's not enough-but a lot of ppl don't realize-we support SD11 even though she's not DH's bio child. We all make sure the kids are well taken care of.

My ex is court ordered to pay CS but doesn't. When he did-it was more then what Dh pays even though my ex made less but it made up for the fact that he's an asshole who refuses to have anything to do with my daughter simply because she's special needs.

the line starts over there ---------------->believe me it's a long line

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 3:53 PM

I only have children with DH and I have no problems with the CS DH pays BM. If she were a nicer person he would pay more.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 3:54 PM


Quoting liltigersmom:

Or another scenario, sm never received cs, so why does the ex need it?

I'm a SM who doesn't receive cs, (in my situation) BM needs the cs because she has 3 children by 3 different men (plus 2 stepchildren) and DH is the only father of 3 who actually pays cs/is involved with his child.

My theory is this:in the words of the judge who handled my cs case-he said to my ex

"Mr Deadbeat Dad, regardless of your feelings or Ms Tigress's feelings on the matter, the two of you created this child together so the 2 of you will support this child together. It is your personal responsibility to your child to help care for *DD*


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