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Am I over reacting?

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 9:53 AM
  • 35 Replies
Last night everything I have been bottling up came to a head with the boyfriend. He is 31 I am 29 we have been together for 2 years and he has a 5 year old little girl. I don't exactly know how to say this politely but I'm not real sure I am cut out for this lifestyle. I have never felt like such an outsider in my life. The baby mama was not in the child's life for the first year and my bf was a single father for the first 3 years. I came into the picture and now baby mama (i feel) is putting on a show to act like she is being a decent mother she has a total of two children from two different men. She maybe watches her children once a week. Am I wrong for thinking she should have a set schedule through her work and with the multiple baby daddies so everyone else can get on the same page. I feel like a stranger/roommate in my own home and its causing relationship problems because I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut. I would appreciate kind advice or suggestions because I have never done this before.
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by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 9:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:44 AM

S you live together?

when does his daughter go to her mom's?  How do you get along with BM?  

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:47 AM
It sounds like you need a CO? I'm kinda confused as to what your wanting really...
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viv212
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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No it's not wrong for you to think she should have a set schedule. Has your bf files for physical custody yet? Why do you feel like a stranger in your home? Is it because the bf disregards your concerns?
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Achance1133
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Yes we live together, she only communicates with my boyfriend. Never with me. They have a pretty rocky past and there have been certain situations when she would say I'm on my way to come get her and she would never show up.
So I have seen the disappointment in the little girls face and it breaks my heart. Another thing that really upsets me is my boyfriend feels bad for baby mama and let's her get away with this stuff all the time.
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Achance1133
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:52 AM
For instance: I ran into baby mama's ex boyfriend a couple weeks ago who told me that when she says she is picking up the little one from day care it's actually him picking her up and my boyfriend had no idea. So therefore she is passing off her responsibilities to her ex boyfriend.
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:55 AM

OK so it sounds like you are having difficulty with the child's mom coming back into her life.  If you need a CO and structure yet your boyfriend does not, then you might be right that being a SM is not right for you.  As a SM, there are many things you can't control with your skids.  

Are you sure you are not just feeling a little insecure (normal) with his ex coming back in the picture?  That you want him to be mad at her and not be nice to her because it would make you feel more secure?

do you two have plans to marry?  You say he had full custody, who took care of her when he worked?

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:56 AM
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So?  If it is her time, she gets to decide who picks up her child. 

Quoting Achance1133:

For instance: I ran into baby mama's ex boyfriend a couple weeks ago who told me that when she says she is picking up the little one from day care it's actually him picking her up and my boyfriend had no idea. So therefore she is passing off her responsibilities to her ex boyfriend.



KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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Yes, you are overreacting.
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Achance1133
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 11:03 AM
I'm glad I joined this forum, it makes me think completely different about certain situations thank you everyone for your input. Not being a physical mother myself. It's hard for me to put myself in a mothers situation. ;)

Being that I have a 5 year old to help raise I'm just trying my hardest to do it correctly.

My boyfriend and I do have plans to marry. I am not insecure about her being in the picture at all. I support them co parenting the best way they can for the little one. I just don't think appropriate to take advantage of people who are trying to take care of your child 90% of the time.
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 11:05 AM


How exactly is she taking advantage?

Quoting Achance1133:

I'm glad I joined this forum, it makes me think completely different about certain situations thank you everyone for your input. Not being a physical mother myself. It's hard for me to put myself in a mothers situation. ;)

Being that I have a 5 year old to help raise I'm just trying my hardest to do it correctly.

My boyfriend and I do have plans to marry. I am not insecure about her being in the picture at all. I support them co parenting the best way they can for the little one. I just don't think appropriate to take advantage of people who are trying to take care of your child 90% of the time.



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