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Help me understand...

Posted by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 1:04 AM
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Can someone help me understand why lots of CP's expect NCP's to be OBLIGATED to pay for all or a portion of expenses that are not essential? For instance EC activities. I think that the parent enrolling the child in the activity should be responsible for the cost because more times than a few the shit is ridiculously priced and I just can't wrap my mind around why someone would enroll their kid in an activity that they can't afford? (Other than the thought that the NCP is going to help pay for it) Then when the NCP says they aren't going to pay for that particular activity the CP loses it? Lol...I don't understand. Someone help me please...

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 1:04 AM
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by Ruby Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 2:00 AM

So my guess is you just want your DH to spend extra money on your kids.

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 2:11 AM
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I'm guessing this isn't really a "lots of CP's" thing but instead a "Damn BM!" post. Right?

I'm a CP, I've never expected my ex to pay for anything that he hadn't previously agreed to (which is nothing, he pays CS and that's it). I've never known anyone to do that, actually.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 2:35 AM
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I don't get it either.

In an intact family, if a kid wants to do an EC, mom and dad will decide if it's affordable, and say yay or nay. I do not understand why after a divorce the CP one thinks nCp needs to just crack open the wallet and fork over the cash at CPs whim.

Both parents should discuss and agree on the EC and cost sharing, otherwise the parent who signs the kid up should pay every dime.
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by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 3:30 AM

They are only obligated legally if that is what the court order says.  Is it often that an eow parent would enroll a child in something, wouldn't that usually be the cp's role? 

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 4:39 AM
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ummmm, why SHOULDN'T the NCP pay for part? The child should have the same standard of living as if the parents were still together.

I made SURE that our CO said that we split the costs of DD's EC's.

by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 5:25 AM

You need to get that straightened out by CO. 

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 7:50 AM
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Why pay for ecs? Because they are an activity that the child participates in. Which helps make the child successful.

I'm quite sure the ncp wants their child to have all the advantages this world has that they can help enable. Well, that isn't free. And it isn't part of cs.

My ex is thrilled dd is in soccer, he comes to games, cheers loudly and takes her for ice cream. It is no trivial task as travel soccer can require driving for an hour and he lives an hour away. He loves his daughter. Loves to see her dance, kick a goal, play in the band, swim in a meet.

My dh put ss in soccer, bm put him in basketball. It is fun to watch ss get more confident and grow in ability.

Bottom line? You love your kids? You want them successful? (and ecs are a predictor of success). You pay half the money. The child is half yours.
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by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 7:56 AM
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 EC are not about the parent enrolling the child, it's about the child having the opportunity to try new things. if the parents were together, the child would be able to do these things with the support of both incomes, why should it be any different when parents are divorced. i think it's fair if each parent pays half (or some percentage) IF both parents agree. you have to be reasonable and fair about it. in our situation, I want ss to do sport, instruments, etc. bm has no interest and there is no cs or ec paid by bm. that's all on us. i think bm should pay for some, but if we ask, she just wouldn't agree to him doing them. that's not fair to him to miss out.

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 8:07 AM

 i realizde i totally contradicted myself there.... i think it's only fair for the parents to split the cost. unfortunately, that's not how my situation is.

by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 9:54 AM
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In my case my ex is co'd to pay for half.  He shouldnt have to be, a GOOD parent would just pay half and let their child participate in activities for their benefit.  dh and bm are co'd to split ec's, she constantly refuses, so her boyfriend pays for her half bc he knows its the right thing to do.  sports, music lesson, dance ect all enrich a child, keep them busy and find the things they love.  If I were in an intact family with my ex, we would go without to pay for it but bc he only thinks he should pay what the co says he has to bc we are divorced it is now co'ed that he does.  a good parent wouldnt even ask a question like this. 

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