Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My soon to be hubby and I have 5 children between the two of us, 3 mine, 2 his. 

SD 9 treats me like garbage! Has since day 1!

He allows it, or doesn't see it!

Right now I am being ignored because tonight I put my foot down. 

When I have said something about her behaviorin the past, he has flown off the handle, accusing me of hating her, and saying all his past gf's have hated this little girl. 

I don't hate her, I hate how she treats me. 

One of the things that I don't agree with is her dinner time game (my word for it)

No matter what is going to be for dinner, even if it is something she has had, and loved a million times before, suddenly, she hates it, cant eat it, won't eat it!

We go through this every weekend (her time with us) Daddy does nothing, in fact, ussually he gives her whatever she wants the second I stepout of the room! Bowl of cereal, sandwhich, dessert, whatevery she wants! Tonght she got to pick out what we were having, and started her refusals to eat dinner beforewe even had lunch, on what she chose! (I thought letting her pick might make dinner a little easier)

Tonight, not only did sherefuse to eat her chicken, but then ate her rice grain by grain with her fingers, and picked apart her green beans and only ate the seeds out of them! Shooting me looks to kill, it tookher over an hour to eat what was about a bites worth of food. She then Dumped her full plate on the counter for me or her dad to take care of (against rules, even the 4 year old knows to scrape her own plate and put it in the sink)

When I saw it sitting there I askedherif she was finished eating. She said yes while rolling her eyes at me. I then told her, right in front of her dad, that she better be sure she had enough of her dinner, because she would not be getting anything else to eat untill breakfast. She huffed and crossed her arms, then dear old daddy hugged her and spent the rest of the night coddling her and ignoring me. 

How do I get him to see her behavior for what it is? 

Whenever she is disrespectful, or doesn't listen, or rolls her eyes, or argues with me, I am made to feel like the monster! I am really sick of it!

The four other children treat both of us with respect, and they listen, and are well behaved to both of us, and they have consequences when they are not those things. I do not understand his thinking with this, and when I try to bring it up, I am just a B***H that hates his daughter, like everyone else!


Help please




by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 12:08 AM
Replies (21-25):
newstepmom61811
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:12 PM
1 mom liked this
That is when you defer to daddy "Why are the rules different for SD, dad?" They want to know. Tell him clearly he needs o think of an answer because you will tell them to ask him that question directly and it needs to e better than "because I say so", because they deserve a better answer than that. Early on in my marriage I had some VERY hard lines to draw with DH. He tried a few times to get very relaxed an be the play parent and make me carry the heavy duty. I got ugly. I had decided very early I was NEVER going to fall into that trap so I played hard ball with him. I stood my ground HARD and we had some really ugly moments between us when I did but it was worth it. I knew I was never going to e the heavy so why let him get away with it. So I pushed back HARD the times he tried. I figured if he walked it wasn't meant to be because I knew I couldn't live that way. Well, we are doing just fine with boundaries that keep all in a good balance in the house. I think to do it you have to take some risks and be willing sometimes to really fight with your spouse to get your point across.


Quoting etherealmama:

I understand that, but thats just a portion of the issues with this girl. Also, when she gets to eat WHATEVER she wants, all the other kids don't understand why they can't have cereal, or cake or ramen for dinner, but she does just by bitching!

If all the kids are suposed to follow the same set of rules we set out for all 5, why is she the exception??


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:32 AM


Yes, emotional blackmail and a way the fiance is trying to control her.  Since we all generally put on our best faces before we get married, can you imagine how much worse he will be after the marriage?   What's the big attraction here in being married?  I'd stay single and keep looking for a real Mr. Right.  I found mine.  Trust me, there are more men out there!

Quoting STVUstudent:

OBTW, ignoring someone because you are mad at them is pretty childish behavior.  Run!



Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this
This might not be nice, but if I were really ticked off at fiance for allowing the one girl to have whatever she wanted to eat by bitching, I might try this: Before the next meal, I would have a meeting with secret meeting with just me and the other four children and tell them that the next time the girl starts complaining to dad to get her way about what she wants to eat that they should ALL start saying the same things she is. If she doesn't want fish, then they don't want fish, etc. Then I'd sit back and watch and listen! If DH has to make a new dinner for one, he should have to make it for five and by golly I would be watching TV in the den while he did it!
Quoting newstepmom61811:

That is when you defer to daddy "Why are the rules different for SD, dad?" They want to know. Tell him clearly he needs o think of an answer because you will tell them to ask him that question directly and it needs to e better than "because I say so", because they deserve a better answer than that. Early on in my marriage I had some VERY hard lines to draw with DH. He tried a few times to get very relaxed an be the play parent and make me carry the heavy duty. I got ugly. I had decided very early I was NEVER going to fall into that trap so I played hard ball with him. I stood my ground HARD and we had some really ugly moments between us when I did but it was worth it. I knew I was never going to e the heavy so why let him get away with it. So I pushed back HARD the times he tried. I figured if he walked it wasn't meant to be because I knew I couldn't live that way. Well, we are doing just fine with boundaries that keep all in a good balance in the house. I think to do it you have to take some risks and be willing sometimes to really fight with your spouse to get your point across.


Quoting etherealmama:

I understand that, but thats just a portion of the issues with this girl. Also, when she gets to eat WHATEVER she wants, all the other kids don't understand why they can't have cereal, or cake or ramen for dinner, but she does just by bitching!

If all the kids are suposed to follow the same set of rules we set out for all 5, why is she the exception??



STVUstudent
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:57 AM

 This is sweet... not nice, but certainly fair.  Dad needs to see what he is doing to his daughter, and OP needs to see what she is getting in the long haul...


Quoting Seychelles1409:

This might not be nice, but if I were really ticked off at fiance for allowing the one girl to have whatever she wanted to eat by bitching, I might try this: Before the next meal, I would have a meeting with secret meeting with just me and the other four children and tell them that the next time the girl starts complaining to dad to get her way about what she wants to eat that they should ALL start saying the same things she is. If she doesn't want fish, then they don't want fish, etc. Then I'd sit back and watch and listen! If DH has to make a new dinner for one, he should have to make it for five and by golly I would be watching TV in the den while he did it!
newstepmom61811
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:04 AM
AWESOME!


Quoting Seychelles1409:




This might not be nice, but if I were really ticked off at fiance for allowing the one girl to have whatever she wanted to eat by bitching, I might try this: Before the next meal, I would have a meeting with secret meeting with just me and the other four children and tell them that the next time the girl starts complaining to dad to get her way about what she wants to eat that they should ALL start saying the same things she is. If she doesn't want fish, then they don't want fish, etc. Then I'd sit back and watch and listen! If DH has to make a new dinner for one, he should have to make it for five and by golly I would be watching TV in the den while he did it!




Quoting newstepmom61811:

That is when you defer to daddy "Why are the rules different for SD, dad?" They want to know. Tell him clearly he needs o think of an answer because you will tell them to ask him that question directly and it needs to e better than "because I say so", because they deserve a better answer than that. Early on in my marriage I had some VERY hard lines to draw with DH. He tried a few times to get very relaxed an be the play parent and make me carry the heavy duty. I got ugly. I had decided very early I was NEVER going to fall into that trap so I played hard ball with him. I stood my ground HARD and we had some really ugly moments between us when I did but it was worth it. I knew I was never going to e the heavy so why let him get away with it. So I pushed back HARD the times he tried. I figured if he walked it wasn't meant to be because I knew I couldn't live that way. Well, we are doing just fine with boundaries that keep all in a good balance in the house. I think to do it you have to take some risks and be willing sometimes to really fight with your spouse to get your point across.





Quoting etherealmama:

I understand that, but thats just a portion of the issues with this girl. Also, when she gets to eat WHATEVER she wants, all the other kids don't understand why they can't have cereal, or cake or ramen for dinner, but she does just by bitching!

If all the kids are suposed to follow the same set of rules we set out for all 5, why is she the exception??






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured