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So, This was strange and made me uneasy a bit.... (kinda long explained what happened in court in Dec, and then what followed in Jan...)

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As most of you know we were going through a custody battle with BM after they decided to drop any past due CS since he was legally the sole provider for SS... Well in Dec. the judge decided he wanted to see if SS behaved any differently or performed better in school living with BM (his behavior was actually worse while he was with her, in the office every other day in kindergarten)... We surrendered SS to her on Dec. 26th, on Dec. 31st we had to go to her town to check on SS (we'd gotten some disturbing and truthful phone calls and the police refused to do a well person check for us) and we stayed for just under 2 weeks and SS was with us the entire time, then when our scheduled visitation was coming up BM actually called and told us we had to pull SS out of school for the whole week and pick him up that monday night (we weren't supposed to get him until late thursday evening), so in total she physically had her son 2 weeks before she called DH and signed physical custody back over to him saying she couldn't handle him and that she was going through too much to take care of him, so we picked him up Jan. 30th, and we have a partially written mostly verbal agreements about visitations and phone calls now (we're completely off the CO but can't get back into court until April)




BM and I do not get along, we knew of each other before I ever got with my DH but we'd never been officially introduced until after but she was hateful to me from day one (before I had anything to do with her child so it had nothing to do with that, she actually treats most people like that and most people think she's joking around or something). In general, she's not a nice person, and I don't have to put up with it. Until our last court date I actually hadn't spoken to her in something like 5 or 6 months, iF DH wasn't there to answer the phone it didn't get answered and he'd call her back when he got home. But she went into court saying that all her and I do is fight and blah blah blah (I've only told her she needed to stop talking to me the way she was once because it was far worse than normal and I did it as civilly as I could, but other than that I was just taking her shit before, but I don't know who she'd been fighting with because, like I said, I hadn't even spoken to her in months)... Well in Dec. the judge actually put it in the court order that I HAD to answer the phone and speak to her (which I thought was crap, because I don't understand how I am legally obligated to her in anyway as long as I don't put SS in any danger and he's taken care of when under my supervision, all talk should be through DH and BM and they need to grow up and stop fighting)... Well, that's the background about what's been going on so here's the weird thing. She made us promise that we'd allow visits and phone calls (which we've never denied)




She had one visit on the 15th of Jan... and we hadn't heard from her since, so I pulled SS aside and told him we were going to call her instead of having him wait for a call that's not coming, she'd changed her number and not told us about it. I had to get a hold of her on facebook so that her son could talk to her (DH's phone's out of minutes and he's not allowed to touch my phone anymore because he keeps messing with my program files and I'm afraid he'll break it), but (And this is the part that freaked me out) when SS called she talked to him for like 2 seconds and then wanted to talk to ME on the phone for a freaking hour about her boyfriend and her job and just generally how you would talk to one of your close friends...


This woman hasn't been civil to me ever, and yesterday I actually had to tell her 5 times that we were running late for a birthday party and needed to get off the phone. It made me uneasy like she was trying to get my guard down or something, maybe I'm just uber suspicious because everything is so weird right now, just needed to get it off my chest, feel free to tell me if you believe she's trying to change or whatever, but honestly, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her, and she's never been civil let alone wanting to carry on a conversation like we're best friends... Do I just act like this is normal or just stay the same and just be civil as always? IDK, everything is all caddywompus right now, maybe I read too much into it, anyways thanks for listening!

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:54 PM
Replies (11-18):
Tryshx
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:07 PM

When we go in April I'm having that taken out of the CO, because at the very least I deserve to be treated like a human being and the judge was out of line ordering that I speak to her...  And normally DH does do all the communication (after I refused to be a middle man a while back), but we had told SS if she ever gave us her new number he could call her and DH was working when we had the time to call... because church is from 9-12:30 and then we had a birthday party to go to from 2-5 and when we got home it was bedtime routine stuff, so I did it...


The weird part was that she wasn't asking about SS or about DH at all... I actually had to interrupt the story of her life to tell her about SS's accomplishments.  DH says she must be in a bad way because normally she doesn't share anything about her personal life with us (which is fine because we don't need to know as long as she's taking care of SS when she has him).

Quoting LittleChitlins3:

I would hire my own lawyer to get that part changed of having to talk to her. I don't see how a custody order can make others do something without their consent especially if you are not family. She sounds like DH's ex, she wants to chit chat but any chance she gets she attacks him.


Tryshx
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:10 PM

I thought I was being civil by not hanging up on her when she wouldn't shut up... I kept telling her "hey, we're headed out the door, I've really got to let you go.  We're already late" and she just kept talking...

Quoting sid1083:

Stay the same & be civil. Though I'm not quite sure why you let her keep talking for over an hour.


Tryshx
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:14 PM

I've never tried to change her behavior, that's why I quit talking to her.  And the CO says I am obligated to talk to her, I HAVE to answer the phone and make the premeditated phone calls if DH is at work or something...

Generally DH does the communication, but he was working when we had time to make the call...  I am not really guessing her motives as much as I am just weirded out.... if that makes much sense.

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

Quite honestly, you can't change HER behavior, so change yours.

Tell DH that he needs to communicate with the other parent from now on relating to matters to their child, (as it should have been in the first place) and stop taking her phone calls. You are not obligated to speak with her. Then you don't have to guess anymore as to her motives.


Tryshx
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:17 PM

It just happened yesterday, it was just so out of character, I've never heard her speak to anyone like that before.  Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:16 PM


How does the CO read that forces you to speak with her? i am unaware of Any court order that can force a 3rd party to do something.. I know they can limit contact or certain behaviors with 3rd parties but to force a third party to do an action? That would be near impossible to do unless you signed the court order.

Quoting Tryshx:

I've never tried to change her behavior, that's why I quit talking to her.  And the CO says I am obligated to talk to her, I HAVE to answer the phone and make the premeditated phone calls if DH is at work or something...

Generally DH does the communication, but he was working when we had time to make the call...  I am not really guessing her motives as much as I am just weirded out.... if that makes much sense.

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

Quite honestly, you can't change HER behavior, so change yours.

Tell DH that he needs to communicate with the other parent from now on relating to matters to their child, (as it should have been in the first place) and stop taking her phone calls. You are not obligated to speak with her. Then you don't have to guess anymore as to her motives.




needadvice1983
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:42 PM

Why didn't you just hang up? I would have.

Tryshx
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 9:05 PM

It says that when DH is unable (like at work or at the store or something) and SS is in my care I'm required to answer the phone, and any of her questions regarding SS... If the call is planned but DH gets called into work or something the responsibility falls onto me.  This judge was outrageous... We've filed a couple complaints with the Judicial Standards Committee, he had no right to force me to do anything.

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:


How does the CO read that forces you to speak with her? i am unaware of Any court order that can force a 3rd party to do something.. I know they can limit contact or certain behaviors with 3rd parties but to force a third party to do an action? That would be near impossible to do unless you signed the court order.

Quoting Tryshx:

I've never tried to change her behavior, that's why I quit talking to her.  And the CO says I am obligated to talk to her, I HAVE to answer the phone and make the premeditated phone calls if DH is at work or something...

Generally DH does the communication, but he was working when we had time to make the call...  I am not really guessing her motives as much as I am just weirded out.... if that makes much sense.

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

Quite honestly, you can't change HER behavior, so change yours.

Tell DH that he needs to communicate with the other parent from now on relating to matters to their child, (as it should have been in the first place) and stop taking her phone calls. You are not obligated to speak with her. Then you don't have to guess anymore as to her motives.





Tryshx
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 9:09 PM

A few reasons:

1. That would've caused an outright war.

2. I hate being hung up on and if I don't like it done to me I'm not going to do it to someone else unless they've pushed me way beyond my limits...

3. It's rude and my mother raised me better than that, I guess... I just don't like to do it...

Quoting needadvice1983:

Why didn't you just hang up? I would have.


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