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BM is mad because I carry SD on my (our) insurance. Wish I was kidding!

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:28 PM
  • 44 Replies

BM called DH last night and basically told him that her job is laying off & reorganizing in the coming 2-4 months.  While her position "should" be safe, she will be losing benefits.  Therefore, SD16 will no longer have insurance.  No problem, DH told her...we already have her covered.  We told her this 2 years ago (even gave her insurance cards) but she insisted that SHE should be the one to carry her.  In one ear and OUT the other.  We kept SD on ours.  So, all this time, SD has had dual-coverage.  It doesn't cost us any more money to have her on OR off our policy.

She began to tell DH how he needed to start shopping for insurance soon and which doctors to choose. He told her (again) that SD was already covered and she got frazzled.  All I heard him say was, "what difference does it make?  She HAS insurance, end of story.  It doesn't matter WHOSE policy it is!"

Come to find out, she got beside herself because I happen to carry the family on MY company's package.  Somehow, she thinks that my & DH's money is not blended, and that HE should be the one paying for SD's insurance - not ME.  Really? 

I talked to BM this morning and she told me she couldn't talk until this evening.  But she did manage to say to me, "I just think SD is DH's responsibility, not yours."  To which I replied, "so where is this line of thinking when I'm transporting, feeding, paying for XYZ and all of the above?  Don't be silly, girl."  That's when she said she will call me later.  We didn't argue and we even laughed about it, but I need to understand "what difference does it make?  I'm her SM and I do all the things that BM/DH do for her when they can't."  Our money is OUR money - we don't have a separate SD account or a separare DS account.  Both kids get provided for out of the SAME pot.

Did I miss something?

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:33 PM

I dunno.

I carried the kids and DH on my policy until I left my position when DH got a new job and we moved.  The only issue we ever had with regards to the kids being on my policy was that BM would sometimes take the kids to people out of my network and then we'd end up with a much larger bill than it needed to be.

Maybe she's just frazzled at the possibility of losing her job/benefits?  That can make anyone feel crazy.  

newstepmom61811
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:33 PM
6 moms liked this

Yeah, you missed the part where she pissed on her in the delivery room and marked her forever...better she go uninsured right? Of course it doesn't matter who's policy it is as long as it's provided and she's cared for, willing adults providing what's needed...don't waste another brain cell on this one. You and DH do what works for you in your home...make sure you label the dollar bills in your wallet his and hers though in the future...LOL. I'm feeling particularly snarky today...sorry...stuff like this...waste.of.time.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:36 PM
2 moms liked this

Nope.

Courts do not care who is covering the insurance as long as the kid is covered. This means if dad is co'd to provide insurance he can do so with his policy, or his spouse, or private...whatever.

I wouldn't waste my time worrying about this or arguing with bm about it. It's a no brainer.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

As a BM, I do not care who carries my child on their insurance as long as she is carried.  If that means that ex's wife is the one carrying DD16, then so be it.  That is something that is between them with regards to who has what.  KWIM?  ExSM carried DD16 on her insurance policy before she and ex divorced. Like I said, as long as DD is covered, does it really matter who carries it?  IMO, No.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this

No kidding.

I have no idea if my son is covered under his dad or his sm, nor do I care. He's covered and that is all that matters.


Quoting pepper504:

As a BM, I do not care who carries my child on their insurance as long as she is carried.  If that means that ex's wife is the one carrying DD16, then so be it.  That is something that is between them with regards to who has what.  KWIM?  ExSM carried DD16 on her insurance policy before she and ex divorced. Like I said, as long as DD is covered, does it really matter who carries it?  IMO, No.


 

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I know you are not kidding.  Since I carried DDs on my insurance, adding skids cost nothing.  BM insisted that they be taken off of my plan and go back on hers even though she would have to pay. 

And in my case, BM and I initially compared my plan and her plan (DH was unemployed during this timeframe) and we decided my plan was best.  Actually, she and DH decided, I just analyzed because I am a benefit expert.  However, once the hostilities started and DH and BM were back in court, she asked the judge to rule that the kids needed to be on her plan and that they needed to be dropped from mine.  It was odd that she didn't just ask DH who would not have cared one way or the other who covered his kids as long as they were covered.  Double coverage would have helped but it was not a big deal to him.  or me.

I believe it was a control thing.  Nothing to do with money.  And competely irrational.

destiny83
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:38 PM

It's just her feelings getting in the way of her logic. You know this. The goal is to have the kid covered, that's all! If you want to make it easier for her to accept you might throw her a bone and say "It's just because it doesn't cost me extra, here's the info-why don't you choose her primary Dr." or something like that. If she still gives you attitude, have DH ask her if she has a back up plan for insurance or would prefer to pay out of pocket, doubt it!

pepper504
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:38 PM

ExSM would give me the insurance cards, that is the only way that I knew lol. It's their decision as a family as to who carries and as you stated earlier, no judge is going to change that.

Quoting jlg12678:

No kidding.

I have no idea if my son is covered under his dad or his sm, nor do I care. He's covered and that is all that matters.


Quoting pepper504:

As a BM, I do not care who carries my child on their insurance as long as she is carried.  If that means that ex's wife is the one carrying DD16, then so be it.  That is something that is between them with regards to who has what.  KWIM?  ExSM carried DD16 on her insurance policy before she and ex divorced. Like I said, as long as DD is covered, does it really matter who carries it?  IMO, No.




TTC2Long
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:39 PM
2 moms liked this
She's probably just freaking out about potentially losing her job and focusing on this as a scapegoat for her stress. Dont waste any more time thinking or talking about it. :)
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Birdseed
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:43 PM



Quoting pdxmum:

I know you are not kidding.  Since I carried DDs on my insurance, adding skids cost nothing.  BM insisted that they be taken off of my plan and go back on hers even though she would have to pay. 

And in my case, BM and I initially compared my plan and her plan (DH was unemployed during this timeframe) and we decided my plan was best.  Actually, she and DH decided, I just analyzed because I am a benefit expert.  However, once the hostilities started and DH and BM were back in court, she asked the judge to rule that the kids needed to be on her plan and that they needed to be dropped from mine.  It was odd that she didn't just ask DH who would not have cared one way or the other who covered his kids as long as they were covered.  Double coverage would have helped but it was not a big deal to him.  or me.

I believe it was a control thing.  Nothing to do with money.  And competely irrational.

This was a bit of an issue for us at first too.  But everyone got over it.  To be honest, DH and I nearly got married in a courthouse 9 mos before our scheduled wedding when he lost his job (and benefits) just so I could get the kids onto my insurance.  I couldn't stand the thought of everyone being uninsured when I had a great and inexpensive plan available.  We limped through though until the wedding.

It's very nice when common sense overrides the rest. 


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