Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Kids choosing where to live

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:53 PM
  • 29 Replies

 Do you believe kids should get to pick which parent they live with? We are dealing with this issue now. BM may be relocating to another state for work and SS, 15, wants to go with her. More like he is telling us he is moving and feels that the choice is completely up to him. His opinon matters but we know he wants to go with her because she is very lienent, lets him come and go as he pleases, has very little rules or structure for him and treats him like an adult. We don't feel he is mature enough to make this decision but I wonder what others think about it?

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Lslk
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:56 PM

Does he normally live with BM? Who has custody, BD or BM?

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:59 PM
Kids choose at 13 in my state. I think he's old enough to have a say.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lnr187
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:01 PM

 what's the schedule now? hoe much time does he spend with each parent? technically (at least in my state) he is old enough to decide where to go. dh would have to prove that him moving would be a detriment to his education... and that's going to be VERY hard to prove. what will the visitation schedule be when she moves? im very surprised he'd want to leave his friends and start over... i wonder if there's more to it than just wanting the lenient parent.

mommadana
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:02 PM

In Texas it's 12 and they can choose however I think they should get to switch 2 times only.  NO bouncing back and forth every time they disagree with the parent of the house they are staying at.  That way if they go from mom to dad and it's not all it's cracked up to be, then it's back to mom and they get over it as they made a choice. 

sensibleshoes
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Why don't you agree to a temp move. See how he does in school etc. If he is not doing as good or better than living with you, move him back. We did that with my sd13. A lot of other issues with that but, she is doing better and because of the structure she is very adamant that she will be moving back with mom. Uh, no. There she was in juvie three times.

KarmaLives13
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:24 PM

Um, no.  My 17 y/o ss just told us he wants to spend his Senior year with bm who lives in another state.  My dh said no.  He was given custody for a reason and until ss turns 18 he will live with us, end of story.  BM is extremely lenient and tries to be his friend, not his mom.  Plus she hasn't seen her boys for almost 4 years.

kristinbugg
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:26 PM

At that age, in most cases, I feel like the child should be able to decide where to live.  Why try to force him to live with BD if he wants to be with BM?  All that will result in is misery for everyone involved.

adamsmom0116
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:31 PM

We go through this with my skids. They want to live with BM because she has no rules and they can do whatever they want. We live 2 blocks from BM though, so it's a little different with your out of state issue.

Generally, I think if a teenager wants to live with a parent in one state or the other, they should have a say. Maybe not the entire decision, but at least a voice. Let them say WHY. I don't think they should get to flip flop back and forth all the time because this parent grounded them and that parent won't. I think the decision should be pretty final (barring weird things of course) and not changed all the time.

maybaby22
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:31 PM

 

Quoting Lslk:

Does he normally live with BM? Who has custody, BD or BM?

 Right now we have 60% she has 40% which she just earned back. She lost complete custody due to her drinking but went to rehab and has maintained sobriety for six months. You can understand our hesitation in sending him two states away when she's not had the most stable life.

maybaby22
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:33 PM

If we took it to court he would have to stay based on her history- I have no doubts about that but DH feels like if we force SS to say he'll just make our life a living hell and we do feel like he wouldn't be in danger but just would have a structured life like we provide.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)