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Promises, promises, promises...

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:58 AM
  • 9 Replies

BM keeps making promises to SD that she doesn't follow through with. I don't know if she's making them KNOWING she's not going to follow through or what. For the last 3 years straight BM has been promising SD dance classes or art lessons then she flakes. She'll tell SD "If you do X, Y, Z I'll get you into dance classes/art lessons." And SD goes on and on about how BM promised this. Well, SD does what BM wants, and no classes/lessons.

Since September BM has promised SD dance classes (again) and art lessons (again), however, BM doesn't have custody and by choice only sees SD one weekend a month. So, she'd either be trying to schedule things on DH's time, which is impossible to do as SD has weekly physical therapy, bi-weekly occupational therapy, and DD has bi-weekly occupational therapy and weekly behavior therapy and I don't know that we can fit a regular class into our schedule at this point and BM can't take SD too and from because she's either working or going to school (which is her reason why she can't take many of her visits) OR BM would be paying for classes/lessons that SD would only be able to do once a month.

Today, BM promised weekly yoga classes with SD over the summer. That would be REALLY good for SD, but even then there's no way BM could follow through with weekly classes unless she discussed it first with DH as every other week the class would be during his time. The thing is, SD is excited, she REALLY wants to take a yoga class with BM. SD has been going to some of the exercise classes at the YMCA (we're members) and really enjoys it (and it helps with her physical therapy goals).

I just REALLY hope BM follows through.

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:58 AM
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Replies (1-9):
lnr187
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 2:03 PM

 that has to be so incredibly frustrating on a few levels. first of all, dealing with the child who was let down. but also, bm can't go and schedule stuff on dh time without consulting him first! both are completely unfair! has dh said anything to bm about it? he should let he know that she can't keep doing this to sd, and that he's willing to work with her on scheduling (if he really is) but that THEY need to discuss it, not hear it from sd that "bm promised me this". i'd be irritated. good luck!

mommadana
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 2:25 PM

It might be a good thing if she falls through the cracks again that you and SD and DD take classes together.  It can help kids of all ages.  Good luck!

newstepmom61811
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 2:35 PM

 I like this idea. Quite honestly, BM in our situation is much the same way, never delivers on promises. Now my older two SKs are about to be 13 and 10 in the next months. Reality is what it is, we just don't take this magic carpet ride anymore. If it is an obviously unfulfillable promise we just go ahead and bring them back to the planet so they don't build and build and build their hopes. Little things like "How is she going to get you there?' "Does she have the tickets or the money.", etc...Once they answer these questions they usually figure out logistically her promise is not going to happen and let it go...sad, but that's our reality. Now the 5 year old is starting to figure her out too.


Quoting mommadana:

It might be a good thing if she falls through the cracks again that you and SD and DD take classes together.  It can help kids of all ages.  Good luck!


 

LovingMy2x4
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 2:37 PM

My ex does the same thing. Every time he sees them (once every 4 months) he tells them next time they can have a sleep over with him. Which is not even allowed at the moment. So he tells them "yeh, we'll have a sleep over as long as Mommy says ok" to put the blame on me....So the kids get all excited and I dont even have to say anything about it because the next time its just the same thing. "Next time we'll have a sleep over" "Cant this time, but next time" "This time's no good, but next time definitely"

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:13 PM

There's not a lot of communication between DH and BM. And, we need to be sure that everything is in writing, so we only communicate via text message and email so there's proof of what's been said.

Anyways, DH has emailed BM about following through with promises, but she doesn't respond. Hell, she hasn't even responded to emails about SD's appointments with an orthopedic surgeon regarding SD's skeletal issues related to her disorder.


Quoting lnr187:

 that has to be so incredibly frustrating on a few levels. first of all, dealing with the child who was let down. but also, bm can't go and schedule stuff on dh time without consulting him first! both are completely unfair! has dh said anything to bm about it? he should let he know that she can't keep doing this to sd, and that he's willing to work with her on scheduling (if he really is) but that THEY need to discuss it, not hear it from sd that "bm promised me this". i'd be irritated. good luck!



lnr187
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:18 PM

 omg. what a jerk!

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

There's not a lot of communication between DH and BM. And, we need to be sure that everything is in writing, so we only communicate via text message and email so there's proof of what's been said.

Anyways, DH has emailed BM about following through with promises, but she doesn't respond. Hell, she hasn't even responded to emails about SD's appointments with an orthopedic surgeon regarding SD's skeletal issues related to her disorder.

 

Quoting lnr187:

 that has to be so incredibly frustrating on a few levels. first of all, dealing with the child who was let down. but also, bm can't go and schedule stuff on dh time without consulting him first! both are completely unfair! has dh said anything to bm about it? he should let he know that she can't keep doing this to sd, and that he's willing to work with her on scheduling (if he really is) but that THEY need to discuss it, not hear it from sd that "bm promised me this". i'd be irritated. good luck!

 

 

 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:21 PM
We go through that too. So told them if BM flakes on things then its a problem between them and her. Because they would come crying for him to get it. It sucks that she flakes and e makes up where he can but he can't always.
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:51 AM

SD burst into sobbing uncontrollable tears this afternoon out of the blue. Once we got her calmed down she said she's just really mad and frustrated that BM doesn't want to hang out with her or keep her promises :(

DH took SD to Barne's and Noble tonight and they hung out, got coffee/hot cocoa, and got SD some new books. Then we had pizza and movie night at home.

It's just ridiculously frustrating because even SD knows that BM has NO intention of following through. 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:17 PM

BM texted SD, so SD called her. SD told BM that she's really frustrated that BM doesn't hang out with her. BM's response wasn't too nice, and just a bunch of excuses about working and school and how communication works both ways.

SD doesn't want to text or call BM, she wants to SEE BM, she wants to spend time WITH BM. Poor thing. She tried to tell her mom how she feels and nothing was resolved.

Apparently BM has made promises to hang out with SD next weekend, we'll see if she contacts DH about it. 

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