• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it BM's concern?

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:30 PM
  • 46 Replies

Say your DH is diagnosed with heart disease. He is treatable. He mentions it in passing conversation.

Is it really BM's concern if he is going to the doctor or not? Or is that the new wifes concern? Is BM overstepping by sending DH a text the next morning saying, "Are you taking care of yourself?" and then later questioning him about going to the doctor some more? Or is this normal, polite behaviour?

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:30 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
TakenItDayByDay
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:32 PM

I can see this from both sides. On one hand, I am perfectly capable of hounding my own DH, I don't need BM's help with it. If I did then I would ask for it.

On the other hand, if DS's dad were diagnosed with something possibly life threatening I'd want to know. Not sure why I'd want to know but it could some day affect my child.

I'm just not sure where the appropriate boundary is here.

progressandjoy
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I don’t see anything wrong with asking about his health, unless DH has expressed that it's a topic he isn't willing to discuss. I think it's polite to inquire about someone's health, especially if you know there's been issues. Maybe she's just trying to be polite. Maybe she's genuinely concerned, because if something does happen to him the kids will most definitely be affected

I think the only time I would have a problem with it is, if she kept nagging DH after HE told her to stop. Or if she started asking more personal questions - quizzing him on medications, asking about the cost, etc.

If she was just asking in general, or even asking how a recent appointment went, I wouldn't be bothered.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AmyB118
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:46 PM

hhhmmmm....in early SM-hood, I'd have been pissed and be thinking "Damn it, BM - you divorced him, his health is NOT your concern", but I've grown in the past 10 years.

DH had back surgery - a fusion of L3-L4 - on January 30th.  BM and SF (both of whom DH has known since they were kids - SF was DH's childhood bestie) have called to see how he's doing.  Given the back-and-forth and issues that he and BM have had (SSs are now grown) over the years, I think it's nice that they've BOTH seem to have grown a bit over time.

BM taking the time to check up on him is kinda nice, IMHO.

Smiley2690
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:04 AM

I agree with TakenItDayByDay however I do understand why you're questioning if it's normal because my DH's BM has a bad habit of being overly concerned about things that don't concern her. Although nothing about his health has come up right before we got married she asked him if he was truly happy. Claiming she wanted to know because she didn't want their daughter to be affected. I'm not sure what planet she lives on Lol..I didn't know if I should just laugh or slap the hell out of her but either way I think the text message was a little much. Unless he texted her first complaining about his health which I'm assuming he didn't she shouldn't have done that IMO. Afterall she is his ex...I would ask DH to let her know that if something that should affect their kid happens he'll let her know, other than that she should probably stay clear of the concerned texts

sid1083
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this
To an extent I can understand her concern. Hypothetical here, but if dad doesn't take the child(ren) to the ped, someone should let the doctor know of family history health problems & outcomes in case it can affect the child(ren)'s treatment & preventative appts. Also, to the extent that if dad doesn't do anything about it and it leads to death, it's most certainly of interest to her. But she doesn't need to hound.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
thatislife
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:17 AM

It seems normal behavior out of concern for the father of her children.  However in our situation we would not have shared non life threatenting medical diagnosis with the x's in passing conversation so that door wouldn't have been opened.

Birdseed
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:38 AM



Quoting thatislife:

It seems normal behavior out of concern for the father of her children.  However in our situation we would not have shared non life threatenting medical diagnosis with the x's in passing conversation so that door wouldn't have been opened.

^This^



EricaG87
by Silver Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:25 AM

She's just watching out for her kid in a sense, making sure that her kid has it's dad around as long as possible.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:39 PM
3 moms liked this

I don't think DH should have mentioned it in passing conversation with BM, once he did that he gave her reason to ask questions or be concerned.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:44 PM
I wouldn't worry about it if she asked. If she's worried about his welfare she will ask, we can't control what she's concerned about. At least she isn't all "idgaf if he dies" lol
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)