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bm making exchanges so AWKWARD

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:53 AM
  • 18 Replies
This is a vent more than anything. Also curious to see if anyone else goes through something similar. Just a little info: sd is 6. She's big got her age, she's the tallest in her class, weighs 64 pounds, and is wearing a 7/8 in clothes. Dh is very tall, so sd is as well.

bm has recently started dropping sd off at our house after her weekday visitation, and occasionally picks her up from the house on Friday for her weekend. This made things easier on everyone involved. Now, my house is on a steep incline. if you park your car in the driveway you better have your parking brake on if you want your car to stay. Bm has taken to picking sd up and carrying her up the driveway to the door for drop offs, and picks her up to carry her down to the car.

This isn't something sd wants, either. yesterday sd said hi to bm and started walking to the car. Bm yells ”stop! You need to hug me” (which must be some code because sd stopped and put her hands up for bm to pick her up). Bm also likes to stop halfway down the driveway and stand taking to sd in her arms for several minutes, whispering in her ear.

At one exchange, not at the house, sd and bm were on one side of a wall, not knowing dh was on the other within hearing distance. Bm stopped and told sd ” make sure you hug me when you see your dad, and that he sees you”.

One time after getting sd in the car bm stood in the middle of my road with the car door open laughing like a maniac for at least a minute.

I know it may seem like I dwell on stupid things or that i'm letting bm get to me, which isn't the truth. I'm just extremely confused as to what bm is trying to accomplish by doing these things? Any insight?
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
casseopeia
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this

She sounds completely off her rocker!  I don't think you are dwelling on it too much.  Something isn't right and your gut is trying to tell you something.  Keep an eye on that nut bag.

thatislife
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:39 AM

Yep, we always joke if my x is going to start making out with the kids next for all the slobbering and theatrics he displays during departure time.  I is a show for your benefit to try to 'prove' to dh how much the child loves bm.  Wierd!

momalee40
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:51 AM
BM does.the same kinds of things with my ss. He is with us every wknd and one eve a week. Any time im w dh when he picks him up or drops him off she keeps hugging him, kissing him in the mouth etc..while he is squirming to get away. She calls constantly asking every detail about his day, what he has eaten, repeatedly telling him , mommy misses and wuvs you ! He will keep saying love you too, bye bye! This has been the arrangement for well over a year.
Does your sd mom have a job ? Other kids etc ? My ss mom doesnt have either, no car etc and i feel like her behavior is alot about controlling the one thing she has any control over. Maybe a little bit of wanting to show us how good a mom she is ? Have their been any past allegations of neglect or anything ?
Kenre
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:58 AM
I've got no answer. Maybe she wants you guys to think SD is happier with her and she is wonderfully happy person.
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miapia1020
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:01 AM
Quoting momalee40:

BM does.the same kinds of things with my ss. He is with us every wknd and one eve a week. Any time im w dh when he picks him up or drops him off she keeps hugging him, kissing him in the mouth etc..while he is squirming to get away. She calls constantly asking every detail about his day, what he has eaten, repeatedly telling him , mommy misses and wuvs you ! He will keep saying love you too, bye bye! This has been the arrangement for well over a year.
Does your sd mom have a job ? Other kids etc ? My ss mom doesnt have either, no car etc and i feel like her behavior is alot about controlling the one thing she has any control over. Maybe a little bit of wanting to show us how good a mom she is ? Have their been any past allegations of neglect or anything ?



Bm is in school full time, is cp to her older daughter, and lives over an hour away. She almost never calls sd and doesn't participate in anything related to sd's life, so its not as if she's doing these things because she misses her.

I think it's more of like, hey, I screwed up and lost custody and now have to prove i'm still in control.

Bm lost custody totally for a short time when sd had a spiral fracture and was left untreated. Somehow she got joint custody back after that, but she still doesn't take care of sd.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:07 AM
She's probably trying to get 2 u. Idk maybe she think it will bother ya'll I'd u c sd hug her? Strange to me. I would just brush it off.
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Birdseed
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:41 AM

I think it's kind of weird, but I wouldn't worry about it.  


shanlee42
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM
This is what I was thinking but I don't understand why she would do this. Strange.

Quoting Kenre:

I've got no answer. Maybe she wants you guys to think SD is happier with her and she is wonderfully happy person.
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shanlee42
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:49 AM
I agree here too. Ignoring it is probably the best.

Quoting Birdseed:

I think it's kind of weird, but I wouldn't worry about it.  


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ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:01 AM
My SS BM does similar stuff. Not so much on the pick up, but on the drop off she's horrible (DH has custody). Constantly grabbing him and hugging him even after he's tried to get away. Instead of talking to him like he wants she smothers him. Its only a matter if time before SS just hugs and runs because he's not a very huggy person. I don't know why she does it. Its almost like a guilt trip because when she hugs him she starts saying things like I miss you so much and don't worry you come lice with me again. Thankfully it doesn't upset SS like it use to!
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