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Awwww, BM looks at me now

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:35 AM
  • 68 Replies

 For a while after we took her to court in September BM would not look at me at all during pick-up and drop offs.  She would talk to DF and completely avoid eye contact with me or anything.  It didn't make me mad or hurt my feelings, it did make me sad for SD though, I wondered if she could sense that and it made her uncomfortable because she started doing things like not telling people she loves them when she leaves. For example when we would pick her up from BM's house and BM would say "I love you, bye" SD would say "Bye" and not say "I love you" back.  She would do the same thing with us when she was leaving our house.  It made me sad to think that she thought she couldn't tell one parent she loved them in front of the other or that she was uncomfortable.  To show SD that I don't hate her mother, when she was at our house the weekend before he mom's birthday I bought a box of chocolates and I helped SD wrap it in pink penguin wrapping paper and made a fancy white bow to put on it and then I cut out one of her wallet sized school pictures and had her color a nice card for her mom and helped her glue her picture to the card. I put it in an envelope and helped her tuck it under the ribbon and told her to give the gift to her mom for her birthday the next weekend.  Ever since then BM has been alternating between eye contact with me and eye contact with DF when talking at pick ups and stuff. I wonder if SD told her that I helped her make her a present and that maybe it softened her heart a little toward me. Or maybe she's just getting over the court thing with time. Either way, I'm glad she's seeming to become ok with me. I hope it continues.

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
thatislife
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:38 AM
2 moms liked this

Why does bm have to interact with you at all let alone do an eye contact/no eye contact game during do/pu, why are you such a prominent part of these that you have to be right there in the mix?

Zaticia
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Good for you! I hope it continues as well :) 

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:48 AM
2 moms liked this

 The pick-up arrangements are that BM and DF each have somebody with them, she brings her bf or her sister or her mom, DF brings me.  I don't require that BM interact with me at all, but I do think it's beneficial for the child if things aren't strained between one of the Bioparents and the other step parents, just from personal experience. My dad hated my SD when I was little and I hated that! I loved my SD and wanted my dad to like him too, it bothered me a lot!  The eye contact thing isn't a game to me, just a sign of if a person is acting open to another person or not. The fact that she's giving eye contact to me is a good thing for SD. I'm not saying that so much as a SM, but as a SD myself.  I could tell she felt awkward about being around people who she loved all of them but could tell that there was a strain between. I don't want her to feel that anymore and am happy that it's looking a little brighter for her.

Quoting thatislife:

Why does bm have to interact with you at all let alone do an eye contact/no eye contact game during do/pu, why are you such a prominent part of these that you have to be right there in the mix?

 

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:48 AM

 Thank you :)

Quoting Zaticia:

Good for you! I hope it continues as well :) 

 

packermomof2
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

It's really not as big a deal as some SP's make it out to be.  My ex doesn't look at my husband and I avoided my kids SM except when she pushed the issue.  It may have made the kids question the situaiton, but we talked about sometimes you won't get along with everyone and as long as you're not mean about it it's fine.  I don

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:58 AM

 True. But as a former SK I know how it effected me and I don't want that for my SD if not absolutely necessary.  I'm glad that BM seems to be seeing that it's not.  For SD's sake.

Quoting packermomof2:

It's really not as big a deal as some SP's make it out to be.  My ex doesn't look at my husband and I avoided my kids SM except when she pushed the issue.  It may have made the kids question the situaiton, but we talked about sometimes you won't get along with everyone and as long as you're not mean about it it's fine.  I don

 

thatislife
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Again, can't YOU be the person that could avoid that by not having to be right in the mix?  I don't know your exact do/pu situation but can't you say goodbye, stay in the car and let the parent escort the child to the other parent (have a great week sweetie, I am going to hang out in the car and finish listenting to this song I love or somethnig like that?)  If you ultimate concern for the child is her well being why would you need to be RIGHTHERE for a tense situation to even happen?

Quoting EricaG87:

 True. But as a former SK I know how it effected me and I don't want that for my SD if not absolutely necessary.  I'm glad that BM seems to be seeing that it's not.  For SD's sake.

Quoting packermomof2:

It's really not as big a deal as some SP's make it out to be.  My ex doesn't look at my husband and I avoided my kids SM except when she pushed the issue.  It may have made the kids question the situaiton, but we talked about sometimes you won't get along with everyone and as long as you're not mean about it it's fine.  I don

 


 

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:10 PM

 No, because things were being said/done at Pick-ups that were big no-no's, each parent has somebody right there with them. because of that  For example when DF would go to get SD, BM would come out, shut the door with SD on the other side of it inside the house and yell at him and question him before she would let SD go for her time with DF. this has cut that stuff completely out, thankfully. BM doesn't feel comfortable being that way in front of an audience.

Quoting thatislife:

 

Again, can't YOU be the person that could avoid that by not having to be right in the mix?  I don't know your exact do/pu situation but can't you say goodbye, stay in the car and let the parent escort the child to the other parent (have a great week sweetie, I am going to hang out in the car and finish listenting to this song I love or somethnig like that?)  If you ultimate concern for the child is her well being why would you need to be RIGHTHERE for a tense situation to even happen?

Quoting EricaG87:

 True. But as a former SK I know how it effected me and I don't want that for my SD if not absolutely necessary.  I'm glad that BM seems to be seeing that it's not.  For SD's sake.

Quoting packermomof2:

It's really not as big a deal as some SP's make it out to be.  My ex doesn't look at my husband and I avoided my kids SM except when she pushed the issue.  It may have made the kids question the situaiton, but we talked about sometimes you won't get along with everyone and as long as you're not mean about it it's fine.  I don

 

 

 

 

thatislife
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 

So you are in essence your df's bodyguard (at least from verbal stuff)?  Strange.  Whatever would he do to solve his own problems if the two of you were to part? 

Quoting EricaG87:

 No, because things were being said/done at Pick-ups that were big no-no's, each parent has somebody right there with them. because of that  For example when DF would go to get SD, BM would come out, shut the door with SD on the other side of it inside the house and yell at him and question him before she would let SD go for her time with DF. this has cut that stuff completely out, thankfully. BM doesn't feel comfortable being that way in front of an audience.

Quoting thatislife:

 

Again, can't YOU be the person that could avoid that by not having to be right in the mix?  I don't know your exact do/pu situation but can't you say goodbye, stay in the car and let the parent escort the child to the other parent (have a great week sweetie, I am going to hang out in the car and finish listenting to this song I love or somethnig like that?)  If you ultimate concern for the child is her well being why would you need to be RIGHTHERE for a tense situation to even happen?

Quoting EricaG87:

 True. But as a former SK I know how it effected me and I don't want that for my SD if not absolutely necessary.  I'm glad that BM seems to be seeing that it's not.  For SD's sake.

Quoting packermomof2:

It's really not as big a deal as some SP's make it out to be.  My ex doesn't look at my husband and I avoided my kids SM except when she pushed the issue.  It may have made the kids question the situaiton, but we talked about sometimes you won't get along with everyone and as long as you're not mean about it it's fine.  I don

 

 

 

 


 

EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:24 PM

 more like a deterrent/witness. Unfortunately sometimes those are needed in situations like this. If I wasn't there the courts probably would have Pickup happen at a supervised location because what was happening wasn't good for SD. She could hear her mom yelling and it was upsetting to her.

Quoting thatislife:

 

So you are in essence your df's bodyguard (at least from verbal stuff)?  Strange.  Whatever would he do to solve his own problems if the two of you were to part? 

Quoting EricaG87:

 No, because things were being said/done at Pick-ups that were big no-no's, each parent has somebody right there with them. because of that  For example when DF would go to get SD, BM would come out, shut the door with SD on the other side of it inside the house and yell at him and question him before she would let SD go for her time with DF. this has cut that stuff completely out, thankfully. BM doesn't feel comfortable being that way in front of an audience.

Quoting thatislife:

 

Again, can't YOU be the person that could avoid that by not having to be right in the mix?  I don't know your exact do/pu situation but can't you say goodbye, stay in the car and let the parent escort the child to the other parent (have a great week sweetie, I am going to hang out in the car and finish listenting to this song I love or somethnig like that?)  If you ultimate concern for the child is her well being why would you need to be RIGHTHERE for a tense situation to even happen?

Quoting EricaG87:

 True. But as a former SK I know how it effected me and I don't want that for my SD if not absolutely necessary.  I'm glad that BM seems to be seeing that it's not.  For SD's sake.

Quoting packermomof2:

It's really not as big a deal as some SP's make it out to be.  My ex doesn't look at my husband and I avoided my kids SM except when she pushed the issue.  It may have made the kids question the situaiton, but we talked about sometimes you won't get along with everyone and as long as you're not mean about it it's fine.  I don

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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