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Is this really considered controlling?

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I see a lot of posts on here about sm's saying they don't care if bm doesn't want them to attend things like doctors appointments and school events or doing certain things that bm is not okay with. I think if bm is not okay with sm doing something that should be respected and vice versa. 

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:43 AM
Replies (11-20):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:51 PM

I agree, BM doesn't want me involved with SS and I have pretty much kept him at a distance for the most part.

Quoting ginamom512:

I see a lot of posts on here about sm's saying they don't care if bm doesn't want them to attend things like doctors appointments and school events or doing certain things that bm is not okay with. I think if bm is not okay with sm doing something that should be respected and vice versa. 


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I guess it depends. If its a CSM and mom doesn't try to do these things and dad can't be there due to work or whatever I can see sm being insistent on being able to. In my case BM and bd handle it and that's fine by me.
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:55 PM

I think it depends on some different factors.

DH is CP, BM sees SD once a month by choice. She doesn't go to therapy appointments, doctor's appointments, specialists appointments, etc. She doesn't do any of the follow up care for SD's special needs. DH works 55+ hours a week, so I do all of that. DH does his best to go to as many appointments as he can We make sure to schedule as many as possible on his day off, this includes parent/teacher conferences. I attend all of these things, as I'm the primary caretaker.

If BM all of a sudden said she didn't want me to attend, I'd go anyways. Why? Because as the primary caretaker I NEED to know these things. I need to share information with SD's therapists and specialists from other service providers.

BM isn't going to all of a sudden step up and take care of everything. She didn't when she was CP, and isn't  going to now when she willingly sees SD 2 days a month. 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Oh as far as EC/ sports I will go w SO. If BM had an issue I would stay a distance from her. She doesn't have an issue though. She rarely comes herself.
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ginamom512
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:08 PM

elisesmom are you csm?


Quoting elisesmom922:

I do most of these things b/c BM refuses, so either DH and I do it, or just me. BM has never ever in her life taken SD to the dentist, it has always been DH. I did it one time, when DH was sick, BM refused, and the next available appt was in 4 months. I do go to SD's specialist, But BM has requested that I go, b/c I spend a fair amount of time with SD. 



shanlee42
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:17 PM
Yep. This is how we roll too.

Quoting slashteddy:

I dunno. I'm a BM and an SM. Like PP said, if it's something private, like parent-teacher conference or doctor's appointment, I don't go. I don't feel like it's my place. But if it's a school play or football game, I don't see why BM gets to decide whether or not I can go to something open to the public.
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elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:38 PM

No I am not.

Quoting ginamom512:

elisesmom are you csm?


Quoting elisesmom922:

I do most of these things b/c BM refuses, so either DH and I do it, or just me. BM has never ever in her life taken SD to the dentist, it has always been DH. I did it one time, when DH was sick, BM refused, and the next available appt was in 4 months. I do go to SD's specialist, But BM has requested that I go, b/c I spend a fair amount of time with SD. 




ginamom512
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:47 PM

Why doesn't mom take him?


Quoting elisesmom922:

No I am not.

Quoting ginamom512:

elisesmom are you csm?


Quoting elisesmom922:

I do most of these things b/c BM refuses, so either DH and I do it, or just me. BM has never ever in her life taken SD to the dentist, it has always been DH. I did it one time, when DH was sick, BM refused, and the next available appt was in 4 months. I do go to SD's specialist, But BM has requested that I go, b/c I spend a fair amount of time with SD. 






leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I think it is normal for Moms and parents in general to be controlling where their children are concerned.

afwifeandmommy3
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:56 PM
Drs apts no , parent teacher conferences only when I've been asked . I've done field trips if the bios can't and have asked or ss asks .
I go to games , karate and all other activities to support ss. Those are not about BM.
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