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Is this really considered controlling?

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I see a lot of posts on here about sm's saying they don't care if bm doesn't want them to attend things like doctors appointments and school events or doing certain things that bm is not okay with. I think if bm is not okay with sm doing something that should be respected and vice versa. 

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:43 AM
Replies (91-94):
packermomof2
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 3:24 PM



Quoting Ealane2011:

 Yeah I could give a shit less if BM tells me I can't go somewhere. DH would straight up tell her either my wife goes or we will both stay home. As for doctors appointments and things like that, BM takes SD, I would have no interest going anyways


I'd totally be fine with never telling dad anything about events again if he came at me with this attitude.  My kids events aren't for date nights and if he can't attend something without you, fine.  He just doesn't get the information either.  

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
runmaryrun
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:41 PM

 Our decisions are one.  So, according to you, it would be "one against one."  But, we don't look at it like that.  We try to keep peace and not be "against" each other.

Quoting packermomof2:

 

 

Quoting runmaryrun:

 

In our household BF and me SM are one in all decisions for all the children. The children see it as we are in agreement with the rules, boundaries and consequences.  Most importantly, we are not biased with are our children.  It works for us.   What is ROFR?

And if mom disagrees with "our" decisoin for her child?  Is it two against one or is your opinon covered under dad's and it's one against one?


 

Ealane2011
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:58 AM


 I agree. It's not for date nights. I'm his wife and I do not get put on the back burner for BM's comfort. I go, not to be a date, but because I am her fathers wife and I have just as much part in SD's life as he does. She wants me to be there and asks for me if I did stay home. I have been there since SD even knew her father. Guess it's a little different in my case.

Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting Ealane2011:

 Yeah I could give a shit less if BM tells me I can't go somewhere. DH would straight up tell her either my wife goes or we will both stay home. As for doctors appointments and things like that, BM takes SD, I would have no interest going anyways


I'd totally be fine with never telling dad anything about events again if he came at me with this attitude.  My kids events aren't for date nights and if he can't attend something without you, fine.  He just doesn't get the information either.  



Anidawehiwahya
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 9:45 PM

I am a stepmom, and the BM is very upset with me because she feels left out. Her son is very upset with her because he feels it is her own fault. I take him to and from school events and the doctors office. She only gets visitation for 8 hours/week. It is not by choice that I run my tail off, but out of love for my SSon and his father. She lost custody due to many factors, one of which is that her own son did not want to be there, nor does he want her at school functions. So, in my case, she is very upset with me. She thinks I am the cause of the problems, but she is the one who pushed him away (she actually smacked him across the face for not answering her when she grilled him about what went on down here at dads house, he moved out on his visit with us, and did not want to go back, spent a month with no visits while the courts decided what was best, and then she got only minimal visits with the possibility of an overnight if he wanted- he has not wanted yet- this was last summer). I have unfortunately been put in the middle. I do it becuase I love them both, my Sson and his father. I communicate with his mother more than his father does. I believe that she ahs a right to know what is going on with her son. I would want to know if it was my son. She however takes it and tells me that she wants to find out stuff from his father, and if father had his way, she would never know anything.. :) So, that is why they got divorced and do not have shared parenting. They do not get along at all. She is very controlling and he is very passive. I am just in the middle and try to care for them all and try to think how I would feel. It's hard. I believe my SSon has some rights as to whether his mother is involved in some aspects and we respect that. 

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