Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

My stepkids are driving me crazy - divided household

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:27 PM
  • 14 Replies
1 mom liked this

I am a divorced/widowed mom of twin 6 year old girls and engaged to a widower with a 7 year old boy, 13 year old girl and am 18 year old girl who doesn't live with us.  I am stricter with my girls because I expect them to behave appropriately and respect others.  I absolutely can not stand when my soon to be stepkids disrespect their father or each other or act like wild animals.  Especially when my girls are around because I don't want them to pick up the behavior.  My fiance doesn't like it either, but he is not as strict as I am and things have been this way in their household for a long time.  I feel like our household is still divided because even though the rules are the same for everyone, I cannot enforce them for everybody.  Sometimes I feel like moving out but I don't think that will help anyone.  Not really asking for advice, unless you have some, just venting.  Anyone else in the same boat?

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
hershey6
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Not exactly- but because my husband is so lax with rules and such with SS16 i had to diengage. We are also expecting a child in August and I continually tell DH that I am not comfortable with similar "rules" for our child and that I expect there to be structure, rules, and respect. Luckily SS will be out of the house by the time our child is two so hopefully he will have minimal influence over him or her.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
cheerwin
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:46 PM

Congrats on the baby!  Good luck with the next two years, girl. I completely understand.

XXXLmommy
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 12:29 PM

My SD is now 13 and have known her since she was 4. In the begining I did everything with her and really tried hard. I feel in our home I am the mother or at least mother figure and should be treated as such. Not requiring love, but should be respected and rules followed. I want all the rules to be the same for SD and all 4 of my bios. DH never backed me up on any of the rules. I few years ago I really just gave up and backed off. I let him deal with SD on his own now.

IMO it will take alot of work just to get to a place where you feel comfortable.

runmaryrun
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:35 PM
1 mom liked this

in the same boat. ... Please get this worked out before you get married.  It only gets worse.  It is very difficult to have children in the home that are not biological and to try to parent them at the same time.  We try to be consistant but, we are both guilty of being biased with our own children.  What has worked best is if we discipline our own children without the step involved but, first you have to start with the boundaries, consequences and the rules.  Make sure each child understands them.  Hope this helps and good luck!!

ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:36 PM
I'm sorry your dealing with this. My only advice is you need to figure out if its something you can deal with or not. If you can then continue living together. If not maybe you should take your kids and move on out. Maybe you could continue the relationship, but just not living together. You saying you can't handle it and showing it by following through may help him realize how serious you are...good luck!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lilly142529
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 8:42 PM

HI I just joined and I have the same situation.  My husband lets his children get away with everything with little or no punishment.  I am very strict and I had to sit my children down and tell them my rules are the rules they are gonna follow.  I explained it to them that they will grow up better people and that they will be respected.  Of course I told them away from his children.  I could go into so much more detail of the web of problems I have but the simple answer I wanna give you is, Can you see yourself dealing with this for the rest of your life?  Is this going to be good for you? Is this going to cause stress in your life which will affect your health down the road?  Is he willing to come up with a plan with you to fix this?  Trust me, if I knew then what I know now, I would not of married this man so soon till all of this was worked out!

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:41 PM
Counseling, before marriage.
JacyB
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 12:39 AM
Why do you think moving out wouldn't help anyone?
Based on your post, step kids would be happier without your intrusive meddling, your children wouldn't be exposed to behavior you can't cope with, and you would be able to spend your time and your energy on your children instead of being constantly negative about your fiancé and his children
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 10:32 AM

If your fiance isn't willing to change, there is nothing you can do.  Sounds like you need to either accept the behavior or move out.

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 10:34 AM

Unfortuantely, they still have the same father.  Do you honestly think he will change his parenting style?


Quoting hershey6:

Not exactly- but because my husband is so lax with rules and such with SS16 i had to diengage. We are also expecting a child in August and I continually tell DH that I am not comfortable with similar "rules" for our child and that I expect there to be structure, rules, and respect. Luckily SS will be out of the house by the time our child is two so hopefully he will have minimal influence over him or her.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN