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On hating your step kids.... *Edit*

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 6:55 PM
  • 64 Replies
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Since I got a little riled up and mistakenly named a name on an earlier post. I was aggravated to say the least...I am curious if she will choose to respond to this post but on to bigger and better things! 

I know the general opinion of this group is that step parents *should* be in a "nanny", "neighbor" or less involved role in their life. But looking at it the other way....if you don't like step-situations, someone else's kids aka your SO or DH's kids but absoulutely LOVE your DH, would you HONESTLY stay in that relationship??? And why would you? Is HATING an integral aspect of your relationship worth trying to stick out just because you LOVE this one man? Shouldn't you love EVERYTHING about this man which would include his children as well? Why try to stick it out if you HATE his kids? But then expect him to accept YOUR kids (if you have any)? 

Also, if you were/are the parent...would you stay with someone who openly admits to not liking your children??

ETA: Why WOULD you stay with someone who doesn't at least LIKE your kids? Or why do you think someone would? 

by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 6:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:03 PM
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I can't think of any reason to destroy my family which is also my children's family.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:09 PM
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I do not love everything about my husband. Lol I love most things, but definitely not everything.

I would never be with someone that didn't adore my children.
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kristinbugg
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:10 PM
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If I didn't love my stepdaughters, or at least like them, I would not stay with DH. There is no reason to deprive a child of their relationship with their father, just to suit my own selfish desires.
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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:12 PM

I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't love my children like his own.

Dana333810
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:19 PM
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 I think we all know pretty clearly how I feel about all of that. So I will not pester everyone with my redundancies on the matter lol.

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:23 PM
1 mom liked this

If I really hated DH's kids-then I wouldn't have stayed with him.

And if he couldn't tolerate my daughter-I wouldn't have stayed with him....(however there are times I can't tolerate my kid)

now-I'm not gonna lie-my daughter's a handful-she's stressful to be around because of her disabilities. There are times I can't even be around her. And it's hard to explain to someone who doesn't live the life that I do.

DH told me at first-he wasn't comfortable around her-however we got thru it. And I"m glad.

I couldn't be with someone who couldn't be around my daughter. That's why I no longer have contact with her birth father.

it makes no sense to be with someone if you dont' like their kids or vice versa.

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:27 PM
I have no clue where you stand on this issue! Lmao! Bahahahahahhaa :-P


Quoting Dana333810:

 I think we all know pretty clearly how I feel about all of that. So I will not pester everyone with my redundancies on the matter lol.


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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:30 PM
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I would have never married my husband if he was a spine less or nut less douche....

He would have never gotten a second date....
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Dana333810
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:31 PM
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 Nawww I didn't think so! LMAO I think the riot I caused last night/earlier today pretty well made the opinion clear lol

Quoting saywhat2102:

I have no clue where you stand on this issue! Lmao! Bahahahahahhaa :-P


Quoting Dana333810:

 I think we all know pretty clearly how I feel about all of that. So I will not pester everyone with my redundancies on the matter lol.


 

SaraD1989
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Since this post is directed at me, I'll try to answer the best I can...


When I first posted about this subject, I asked if being a step parent was really worth it. Worth all the drama and hardship one would have to go through in order to be with a man with kids. All I've ever known is the crap my mother had to go through as a step mom, and the strain it's put on my parents even 23 years later. I've never heard of a no drama, everyone gets along, step parent situation. When I first met my boyfriend I didn't know he had a kid-it never came up. Then about two weeks into us talking and after our fist date he causuallly mentioned his kid's birthday that he was going to. I flipped. Told him if I knew I he had her I wouldn't haVe even started a relationship with him, as I've always said I don't want to be a step parent. At this point, he assured me it wouldn't be a problem. However, I later learned there was a lot more drama in the situatin than was let on to begin with. When I first met his daughter, I actually fell in love with her. I sent a text to my mom that day saying ,"She just told my heart." After that we all hung out once a week, as was the time he had with her. As the relationship continued I had to constantly deal with more drama regarding the situation. Having his ex blame me for his decisions after not even meeting me when I WANTED a relationship with her. I treated the situation like how I would want my son's step mother to ever act, had he ever had one. Well, as time has gone on, I just can't stand being around her. I hate that she's part her mom. I want to love the part that's my boyfriend but I can't right now. It's best I not be around her at this point. Eventually I'd like to start doing something with her. I was supposed to take her shopping with me and a friend last Friday but I backed out because I wasn't ready.

Back to the question..Is it worth it? I don't know yet. If I still feel this way in six months than I will be moving on. My feelings won't change overnight and haven't changed in the last month since counseling but II think six months is enough time to at least have some different feelings instead of resentment. Right now it IS worth it to me. I love him with all my heart. And I'm doing this for him. I've ran away at the first sign of trouble with most of my other relationships and I made a commitment to marry him and I at least want to try to get over my feelings instead of just running away.


My mom says that what she has had to go through for the past 23 years is worth my dad...

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