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BM and fiance just broke up! im afraid. *EDIT*

Posted by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:21 AM
  • 12 Replies

so i just want to know if any of you ladies have been in this situation and want to hear your stories. i'd just like to mentally prepare myself for the shitstorm that might be coming lol.

I guess BM is moving back in with her mother too since before she was living rent free along with not having to pay any utilities. she recently decided to go part time (before they broke up) so HOPEFULLY shes smart and goes back to full time. buttt yeah i doubt it. she likes to sleep... a lot. im just worried shes going to come after BF for more money and just be kind of bitchy all the time in general. her mother isnt the nicest person to deal with either and theres already 4 adults and 3 kids living in that house so SS is going to have to get used to a hectic house i guess :/


**EDIT:

question:i do feel bad. so would it be a horrible idea to text her and just let her know that if she needs any alone time or anything to feel free to bring her son over as much as she wants until she gets back on track or w/e (not even sure how i'd word it)? they dont have stritcy visiting days or anything so it wouldnt be a huge deal. do you think it would offend her that i know about her break up and want to take care of her child for her? i dont know her very well so idk how she'll react. i just want to be nice!

by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this

First of all, this is probably a very difficult time for BM.  She's a human being.  I doubt very much that her number one choice would be to move back into her mom's house.  As an adult, that must be very stressful.

Sounds like SS has lived there before.  If issues arise, those can be addressed as the come.

As for CS, most states have limits on how frequently you can file for a modification.

In general though, why borrow trouble?  Until something happens, I think that just having some empathy for the fact that she just broke up with her fiance is about all the energy I'd spend on this.  That's tough stuff.

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sure she wont be the happiest camper in the woods for a couple of weeks.  That's the beauty of not getting involved and making your boyfriend deal with her.

alegna4
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:30 AM

yeah. i mean i do feel really bad. that would SUCK. she obviously has the right to be upset and i can imagine life is going to be rough on her and im going to be sypathetic towards everything and as nice as i can because i know how awful break ups can be i just hope she doesnt get take anything out on other people including her son.

Quoting Birdseed:

First of all, this is probably a very difficult time for BM.  She's a human being.  I doubt very much that her number one choice would be to move back into her mom's house.  As an adult, that must be very stressful.

Sounds like SS has lived there before.  If issues arise, those can be addressed as the come.

As for CS, most states have limits on how frequently you can file for a modification.

In general though, why borrow trouble?  Until something happens, I think that just having some empathy for the fact that she just broke up with her fiance is about all the energy I'd spend on this.  That's tough stuff.



alegna4
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:42 AM

BUMP!

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting saywhat2102:

I'm sure she wont be the happiest camper in the woods for a couple of weeks.  That's the beauty of not getting involved and making your boyfriend deal with her.

That is definitely what I would do. 

LovingMy2x4
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 1:55 PM

I wouldnt send her the text. If DH wanted to, I would have him. But quality time with her kid might help her get through it. I know that if SO and I broke up, all my free time would be poured into my kids. They'd be feeling the pain out the loss as well. They might need a lot of quality one on one time together. Honestly, if SO and I broke up, the very first thing I would do is book a vacation, just me and my kids.

ghwannabe
by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 2:25 PM
I would not contact her. It may make her feel more pathetic not saying she is but she may be feeling low. I would get annoyed. Let her contact BF of she needs to send over the kids.

As to money I would not lend out money, you are opening a can of worms. She is an adult BF can buy what the child needs or lacking but I would not give her cash to buy child stuff. If she can't get a filull time job because she likes to sleep that is a problem. I have more empathy for people whom bust their ass to make ends meet and do everything they can for their child. I have noticed people who make excuses why they can't work full time and poor me stories they tend to abuse others. They get money use it on others things other than yourself and it enables the bad behavior.


Quoting pepper504:


Quoting saywhat2102:

I'm sure she wont be the happiest camper in the woods for a couple of weeks.  That's the beauty of not getting involved and making your boyfriend deal with her.

That is definitely what I would do. 

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ghwannabe
by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 2:31 PM

I should say I saw this very thing with my BM. She moved in with mother claimed for 4 months she could get a job. She asked for more money. Dh found out later she was using it so she see the guy she cheated with. He lived in another state (military). BM also call DH's mother and father claiming she didn't have enough money to pay for her car insurance. They told her no,to take that issue up with DH.BM got bitchy with them and told them they are allowing their grandson to be riding in a car without insurance basically trying manipulate them into paying. DH was paying for her car insurance bec his name was on the car too. Thank god he was bec she totaled the car months later, texting and driving.

DH found out everything going on and told her if she can take care of their son he will. BM got a job and hasn't asked for extra money for SS since.

So don't fall for that trap!!!!! Once you start feeding a scray cat they will never leave your porch begging for more food.



Quoting ghwannabe:

I would not contact her. It may make her feel more pathetic not saying she is but she may be feeling low. I would get annoyed. Let her contact BF of she needs to send over the kids.



As to money I would not lend out money, you are opening a can of worms. She is an adult BF can buy what the child needs or lacking but I would not give her cash to buy child stuff. If she can't get a filull time job because she likes to sleep that is a problem. I have more empathy for people whom bust their ass to make ends meet and do everything they can for their child. I have noticed people who make excuses why they can't work full time and poor me stories they tend to abuse others. They get money use it on others things other than yourself and it enables the bad behavior.




Quoting pepper504:


Quoting saywhat2102:

I'm sure she wont be the happiest camper in the woods for a couple of weeks.  That's the beauty of not getting involved and making your boyfriend deal with her.

That is definitely what I would do. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 2:52 PM

Based on your edit...no, do nothing.  If she wants your help, she'll ask.  don't get into the mix right now.

alegna4
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 3:03 PM

good call. the more i think about it the more i feel like i shouldnt say anything just to be safe even though i feel bad.


Quoting ghwannabe:

I would not contact her. It may make her feel more pathetic not saying she is but she may be feeling low. I would get annoyed. Let her contact BF of she needs to send over the kids.

As to money I would not lend out money, you are opening a can of worms. She is an adult BF can buy what the child needs or lacking but I would not give her cash to buy child stuff. If she can't get a filull time job because she likes to sleep that is a problem. I have more empathy for people whom bust their ass to make ends meet and do everything they can for their child. I have noticed people who make excuses why they can't work full time and poor me stories they tend to abuse others. They get money use it on others things other than yourself and it enables the bad behavior.


Quoting pepper504:


Quoting saywhat2102:

I'm sure she wont be the happiest camper in the woods for a couple of weeks.  That's the beauty of not getting involved and making your boyfriend deal with her.

That is definitely what I would do. 



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