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Attending First Birthday Party as SM :-/ *Update*

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 1:56 PM
  • 43 Replies

SD (5) has been invited to a few parties here and there but we've either never had her on those weekends or once we were going to go but BM refused to let us have her that weekend when she already said yes (drove 100 mi to pick her up and denied)

MAIN QUETIONS: The only birthday parties I've thrown, it was only family and family friends. What is the protocol for pre-school parties? I assume we stay? or do we leave? There was no RSVP info on the invite. 

I know how a lot of you feel being introduced as "Mom" v "Stepmom"... but how do you feel when BM is not here and we have custody?

UPDATE: I cut the background crap out, if you are here to read the update then you already read it :-)

DH introduced us by name right off the bat and just said "We're *name*'s parents". So that was that lol! I am a worry wart over nothing sometimes! And I didn't talk to anyone other than DH and the birthday kids dad. Birthday mom also kept saying SD's name wrong, even after all the kids kept saying What? Who's that? And after I made sure when it was her turn at the pinata, I yelled her name in cheering (mom was right next to me) eh whatevs.

All the parents had stayed (well mostly just moms and then one dad) Is that normal too? just one parent to go? Anywho.. the party was pretty good. It was carnival themed and they had a popcorn machine, nacho cheese machine, and a cotton candy machine. They had various homemade carnival games in the backyard and would give the kids tickets when they won (or didn't win). AND THEN the kids just dumped all their tickets into a collective bag and the mom and her sister allowed the kids to pick from a prize stand, she got to choose soooooo many things, it was a floor to ceiling baker's rack type thing. They also had a clown that did face painting and balloon animals. It was a Pinners dream!

For me, mostly awesomly... the pinata. Filled with snack bags! (animals crackers, cheese its, gold fish, etc) How wonderful! SD can't really have candy (whole other story with cavity issues) so she would have been sad when we would have taken it away. (She knows right away she can't have it and we do let her have some on occasion) 

Thank you all for your comments, even the troll like ones. It's nice to always keep things in perspective and have a sense of grounding.

by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
packermomof2
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:03 PM
2 moms liked this

You don't like people knowing that your husband is remarried and like to pretend you're his first wife and the mother of his child?   If you or your husband had a criminal record I could see you not wanting people to know your business.  But when you lie so that you don't have to explain you're not the mom?  That is setting a bad example for the kid.

FoodIsLife
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:06 PM
1 mom liked this

He was never married to her...they never even dated. I AM his first wife and I take care of SD as if I was her "actual" mother, we're just not biologically connected. Thanks for answering the questions...that I actually need help with.

Quoting packermomof2:

You don't like people knowing that your husband is remarried and like to pretend you're his first wife and the mother of his child?   If you or your husband had a criminal record I could see you not wanting people to know your business.  But when you lie so that you don't have to explain you're not the mom?  That is setting a bad example for the kid.



GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:17 PM


Quoting FoodIsLife:

He was never married to her...they never even dated. I AM his first wife and I take care of SD as if I was her "actual" mother, we're just not biologically connected. Thanks for answering the questions...that I actually need help with.

Quoting packermomof2:

You don't like people knowing that your husband is remarried and like to pretend you're his first wife and the mother of his child?   If you or your husband had a criminal record I could see you not wanting people to know your business.  But when you lie so that you don't have to explain you're not the mom?  That is setting a bad example for the kid.



What are the actual questions??  They were cloaked in so much crazy I want to be mom stuff I didn't see them either.


MommyTo5Boys
by Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Call yourself what ever you, SD and DH are comfortable with. 

If the situation arises where you need to explain then do it then, until that time if she calls you mom at home and that is what you all prefer, then introduce yourself as Mom.

Stop worrying so much about what others think and do what is best for you and your family.



LilySlim Weight loss tickers
FoodIsLife
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM

At the very beginning.. 2nd paragraph and very first of the 3rd. I'm sorry for all the confusion. I just know how people are on this subject matter and I tried to put some clarification so I didn't get so reamed. Looks like I failed at that :-/ I'm happy to give anymore claification if needed. BM hasn't even seen SD in nearly 6 months, just once for her birthday in that time.


Quoting GlockMom:


Quoting FoodIsLife:

He was never married to her...they never even dated. I AM his first wife and I take care of SD as if I was her "actual" mother, we're just not biologically connected. Thanks for answering the questions...that I actually need help with.

Quoting packermomof2:

You don't like people knowing that your husband is remarried and like to pretend you're his first wife and the mother of his child?   If you or your husband had a criminal record I could see you not wanting people to know your business.  But when you lie so that you don't have to explain you're not the mom?  That is setting a bad example for the kid.



What are the actual questions??  They were cloaked in so much crazy I want to be mom stuff I didn't see them either.




rebeccasmly
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this

It depends on the situation for me and the comfort level of my SKs. There are some circumstances they just prefer people knowing me as mom, and others where they're ok with people knowing the story. I follow the kids when it comes to these situations. I have been raising my SKs for 10 years now and was the only mom the youngest knew for the 1st few years because BM disappeared when she was an infant and YSD had no memory of her. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of how I came about my role as their SM. Not to say I'm going to go blab the story to complete strangers but I'm not going to hide it from people I know or would like to know.

FoodIsLife
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:22 PM

Thanks :-) 

About the birthday party... are we supposed to stay? It's at a house.

Quoting MommyTo5Boys:

Call yourself what ever you, SD and DH are comfortable with. 

If the situation arises where you need to explain then do it then, until that time if she calls you mom at home and that is what you all prefer, then introduce yourself as Mom.

Stop worrying so much about what others think and do what is best for you and your family.



FoodIsLife
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:27 PM


I guess I'm a little embarrassed of how it all came about but I don't like lying to people so when I get asked "Where did y'all meet"... the answer along with some simple math shows I was with him BEFORE SD was born...and people like gossip and sometimes saying "I don't really want to talk about it" doesn't help and then some just think less of DH and I don't want that. He's just a good and and father.  Thank you for your words :-)

Quoting rebeccasmly:

It depends on the situation for me and the comfort level of my SKs. There are some circumstances they just prefer people knowing me as mom, and others where they're ok with people knowing the story. I follow the kids when it comes to these situations. I have been raising my SKs for 10 years now and was the only mom the youngest knew for the 1st few years because BM disappeared when she was an infant and YSD had no memory of her. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of how I came about my role as their SM. Not to say I'm going to go blab the story to complete strangers but I'm not going to hide it from people I know or would like to know.



MommyTo5Boys
by Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:27 PM

That I have no idea on, as a matter of fact I have always wondered that myself and never felt comfortable either leaving my youngster alone there or inviting myself to stay if I was not wanted so we mostly skipped them when they were younger if it wasn't family. 

Sorry, wish I had a better answer for ya'

Quoting FoodIsLife:

Thanks :-) 

About the birthday party... are we supposed to stay? It's at a house.

Quoting MommyTo5Boys:

Call yourself what ever you, SD and DH are comfortable with. 

If the situation arises where you need to explain then do it then, until that time if she calls you mom at home and that is what you all prefer, then introduce yourself as Mom.

Stop worrying so much about what others think and do what is best for you and your family.






LilySlim Weight loss tickers
sid1083
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this
How about you introduce yourself by your own first name? You can just say "I'm with (child's name)." Doesn't need to get into the whole mom/SM mess.

Do you know these other parents? Why not just take your cues from what other parents are doing? If they're staying, I'd stay. But if they're all dropping and returning, follow suit.
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