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Favouritism

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:29 PM
  • 16 Replies

Is favouritism normal?

Is it normal to favor one's biological children over one's stepchildren? Is it different for NCSMs and CSMs? As a NCSM.

I don't discipline SS but I do discipline my own children and because I discipline them, they are also the children I hug, kiss and comfort the most.  Can just being a mother to my children be seen as favouritism by a stepchild?




Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:43 PM

If they live with you probably.  If I had to choose between hanging out with DDs or hanging out with SSs, I would pick DDs.  And I'm sure nobody in the family sees that as anything but expected and normal.   But rarely in real life do you have situations that reveal that favoritism.

both DDs think I favor the other DD.  

Scottiesmom1114
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 9:35 PM
I have a 4 month old son and a 6 year old step daughter. Of course my son is number one in my heart cause he is my own but my step daughter is close second because I want her to succeed and do great like my son when no one has the faith in her.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 10:20 PM
I think it's normal. I find my husband doing this with my two children. Our son is ours and my daughter is mine. I don't know that there is anything I can do about it. He doesn't do it often and it's not openly done. It's when my daughter is with her father, I see my husband buying my son more and spending more time with him one on one.
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ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 10:46 PM
It is very normal especially if the child doesn't live with you or if its a relatively new relationship. You may never feel as close to your step as you do your Bio kids. That is also very normal. Also if your step pushes you away when you try to love then you are also very much going to have/feel favortism to your Bio. Just do your best not to do it and if you notice u doing it don't feel guilty but try to make sure you give your step an extra hug or read him an extra chapter or whatever it is you do to give attention to ss
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AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 10:59 PM

 At some point in every day each kid (SD/DDs) is my favorite.  Usually, it is the girl that is annoying me the least. ;)

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:21 PM
This is so me

Quoting AmericanDream:

 At some point in every day each kid (SD/DDs) is my favorite.  Usually, it is the girl that is annoying me the least. ;)

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Manda12702
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:40 PM

 Of course my own child(ren) will be my favorite(s). I am their mother and they deserve that. I am not SSs mother, nor do I want to be, they don't need to be my favorites, they have a mom for that. And I honestly don't care if my kids and skids know that my children are my favorites. Why wouldn't that be expected?

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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:45 PM

Reasonable question, however I often see that issue as something that stepparents shouldn't do on many of the stepparent advice forums when it is very normal to favour one's own children over stepchildren.

Quoting Manda12702:

 Of course my own child(ren) will be my favorite(s). I am their mother and they deserve that. I am not SSs mother, nor do I want to be, they don't need to be my favorites, they have a mom for that. And I honestly don't care if my kids and skids know that my children are my favorites. Why wouldn't that be expected?


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Manda12702
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:56 PM
2 moms liked this

 IMHO I think it is because society wants to coddle the children of divorce. These are usually the same people who think that child support should never be modified to go down because a parent looses a job or has to take a pay cutbecause the child should never have to adjust to anything else again, the divorce was hard enough.  In reality, you don't get to be everyone's favorite, and that is life.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Reasonable question, however I often see that issue as something that stepparents shouldn't do on many of the stepparent advice forums when it is very normal to favour one's own children over stepchildren.

Quoting Manda12702:

 Of course my own child(ren) will be my favorite(s). I am their mother and they deserve that. I am not SSs mother, nor do I want to be, they don't need to be my favorites, they have a mom for that. And I honestly don't care if my kids and skids know that my children are my favorites. Why wouldn't that be expected?


 

LillyMill
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:48 AM

You know what..I do not hug and kiss on my child the most. I love, hug, spend time, and buy for them all the same. Now my son gets a check that is for his needs so i buy him what he needs. THe girls which are my husbands kids..their mom buys for them with the child support she gets..she suppose too. I have took my sons money and bought them shoes, pants, panties because their mom sent them over with holes in theirs or shoes to tight. Now my son has plenty so spending a little extra on them is just fine with me as long as everyone is equal. I cant help it..I love them girls with all my heart. My son is my heart as well. Right now we are pinching pennies because we owe on taxes and their mom claimed them last year so she got a bunch of money. I refuse to buy anything right now because she blew that money up a wild boars butt while we are lucky to buy a descent meal to cook for when they come over. But showing more favortism will only make them resent eachother.

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