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Not getting involved but what do u think?

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:39 AM
  • 24 Replies

A little background: My DH is a teacher at the school where my sd's attend. He does every thing for them, p/p drop off, HW in the mornings and hw in the afternoons with my dds. We do PT conferences, I do baking for the classes, etc.  we also do the same for my dd's. education is important and OPS have displayed no interest so this works for us. Bash away, it is what it is.  All 4 girls are on honor roll year after year bc of our "tag team" on their education. Anyway sd11 has a project to do , and she wants to partner up with her crush. She asked me about it first and bc I've learned too many hard lessons already I told her that one she will have to talk to DH about. When she did, he said he would think about it. That was Wednesday. When he came home we talked about it and I told him its totally up to him. I can't see how the boy would be able to come to our home bc we live the next state over. (Oh did I mention the awful commute where he has to leave at 5:30 am every morning to do HW with sd's and can't help me in he mornings with the baby or dd's- it's a sacrifice). IMO, she's too young to work with a boy, esp her crush and he likes her, too.  Anyway, he said  the same thing I was thinking so he was gonna tell her no.  Thursday morning, he picks them up and sd tells him  BM said yes. Wtf? Yes! I'm aware kids play both parents, dd's do it at times. But 1. BM HAS NEVER been involved in edu or sports( sd's played softball, she NEVER went to a game!) 2. She didn't ask what subject, etc 3. She sd they could work in their bedroom.  DH lost it, sent her an email (only communication we do bc of past problems).

1.Would u let ur 11 year old do a project with a crush? I think if they were supervised maybe. 2. And did I handle it rt or should I have gotten more involved. I feel like I shut her down when she came to me. 

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:56 AM
It's alright to let her dad decide. That's not shutting her down. Even if you both were her parents I think I would have done the same thing and brought dad into it.
I would be ok with mixed gender partners at 11 even if they were into each other. But they would need to work in the kitchen and I would need to know the other parents.
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Leigh84
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:27 AM
I would be ok w/it if they worked on it in a common place like the kitchen or living room but the bed room would be out of the question
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progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I'd let my kids work with their crush. They would be in an open area where I could keep an eye on them, but I wouldn't hover around them.
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ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:42 AM
You did what you should have. Even if she was yours this is something that should have been brought up to dad. As far as letting mine team up with crush yes I would but they would be in kitchen or living room where they could be watched...
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mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:43 AM
I agree. My daughter is 10 she has a crush on a boy. I think it's sweet. Sd8 has a crush on the boy down the street from us. I am not bothered by them hanging out. They play in the front yards of each others homes all the time. They are young as long as I or my husband are around I think it's fine.


Quoting Polkadotted:

It's alright to let her dad decide. That's not shutting her down. Even if you both were her parents I think I would have done the same thing and brought dad into it.

I would be ok with mixed gender partners at 11 even if they were into each other. But they would need to work in the kitchen and I would need to know the other parents.

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thatislife
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:12 PM

Your dh should have made his wishes known to the teacher from the getgo.  Might be hard to change at this time.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:50 PM

So wait the kids have to ask who they can be partners with? Shouldn't they make that decision on their own?

packermomof2
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 1:36 PM
It wasn't your place to shut her down. Her mom says yes, she overrides your no. I'd let it happen. It's a project, not a date.
progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 1:44 PM
From the sound of it, BF didn't want her to partner up with the boy either. Does BM's yes override his no? I would think it would be up to the house that SD is doing the project at. If she's not going to work on it at BM's, BM shouldn't tell her she can. If she is going to work on it at BM's, BF shouldn't say no.

Quoting packermomof2:

It wasn't your place to shut her down. Her mom says yes, she overrides your no.

I'd let it happen. It's a project, not a date.
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packermomof2
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 1:50 PM



Quoting progressandjoy:

From the sound of it, BF didn't want her to partner up with the boy either. Does BM's yes override his no? I would think it would be up to the house that SD is doing the project at. If she's not going to work on it at BM's, BM shouldn't tell her she can. If she is going to work on it at BM's, BF shouldn't say no.
Doesn't sound like dad said anything.  He asked his wife's opinon, he agreed with it, by that time mom had said sure, honey, it isn't a date, it's a project, not a big deal.  Okay, I doubt she said the last part, but really?  This is something I wouldn't care about dad's answer on.  SM and dad could say no, but since the kid lives with mom it's mom call since she'll be the one dealing with the kids even if mom "never" has before.
Quoting packermomof2:

It wasn't your place to shut her down. Her mom says yes, she overrides your no.

I'd let it happen. It's a project, not a date.



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to James Madison

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