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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

And this became MY problem... Why?? (Long but haven't complained in awhile ;)

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:07 PM
  • 35 Replies

This is not a bitch post about BM. It has nothing to do with her. (rare in here lately...lol) It has to do with the procrastinating idiot that I married!!! 

Spring Break this year is dh's parenting time. DH requested Fri Mar 29th off work to travel to VA to get skids. That leaves DH scheduled for work on March 30th and 31st as well as April 3rd and 4th. DH has known since Sept that I will no longer watch his 3 while they are here. He must make other arrangements. DH, himself caused this sich whereas the skids were allowed to have so little respect for me, that the stress in this house was unbearable and I disengaged. Changed my life!! He also waited until the last minute to figure things out for Thanksgiving. 

Without saying a word, and automatically assuming his parents who live across the street will watch them he has done nothing for visitation. He has not talked to his parents... At all!! Well, his mom is having surgery... Next Tues. there is no way she is having the 3 skids there. She was actually supposed to watch my 15m old on April 6th.. But I told her to to worry about it. They are saying it will be a 4 MONTH recovery for her. 

Now if my DH worked a job where he could be here for his kids, this might be different. He works nights. He is working, sleeping or traveling to and from work 22hrs out of a 24hr period. 

I am 25+ weeks pregnant, with a very high risk pregnancy. A week ago, we found out that the baby has an issue with a kidney which will Prob require surgery. Can we say... STRESS. Then to compound it, I had an EKG (sis died suddenly at 47 of a heart attack, I carry same gene) and FAILED it on Thurs (3 abnormal tests). I am now scheduled for an echocardiogram and a 24hr monitor on the 26th. More stress. 

Add in the care of a 15m old active boy and 4.5yo girl. Then my mom having surgery (hernia and a tumor removed) Thurs. I will have to help my Mom and help my MIL over the following weeks. (Why does everything happen at ONCE?? Ahhhh) 

This is so NOT my problem. However, I have him one and only one alternative to missing the visit. (His schedule can't be changed.. But the idiot *could* have requested vacation days up until 2 weeks ago) If he can swap his Fri Mar 29 off to either April 3rd or 4th, then I will keep the skids the other night... The 3rd or 4th. This way, he misses a weekend... But not the whole visit. Of course, BM will have to agree. Hope she didn't make plans because that would make dh's lack of planning even more shitty!! 

What say you... Fair?? I think I am being more then generous with the one day of watching them all.





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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
p608319chef
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:26 PM
If it were me i would tell him if he were not there they wouldn't be there either BM would just get over it ita her an his kids they can figure it out.
OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:35 PM

 Sad because the skids lose out here by not getting to see and spend time with their Dad.

JustaSM231
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 3:25 PM
It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life and there is more to come. I think it was very irresponsible of your DH not to have specific plans in place for the care of his children while they are visiting. If you have told him in them past that you are unable to provide supervision for his children if he isn't home, then he should have made definite plans for their care during this visit. It sounds like he dropped the ball. I think you are being more than reasonable in your request to him for the schedule adjustment now. It sounds like you have been making the attempt to be fair to everyone involved and there is a long history behind your situation for you to reach the point you are now and without knowing very detail inhabe no right to make any judgments. I can imagine how difficult this whole situation is and applaud you for understanding your limits and standing up for yourself. Good luck with your medical tests and lots of prayers for everyone's health! Best of luck!!
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:19 PM
Can he hire a sitter?
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amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:42 PM

I would look for a sitter? Or are they old enough to stay by themselves?

FloridaMomma
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:33 PM
If it's spring break, can't they go to a daycamp at the YMCA or KinderCare or somewhere like that?
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rebeccasmly
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:47 PM

Maybe you should make a list of sitters that can watch them just while they are here and give it to him. Let him know he needs to hire one. If it gets to the point, I would make arrangements to stay with mom while they are here and help her with her recovery that way.

kellynh
by Kelly on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:53 AM
1 mom liked this

This divorce didn't happen yesterday. Incidently, he wanted it and made the choice to return to his home state 6hrs away. His ex wouldn't and shouldn't care... I didn't marry her. :) No this post was about the constant and continual procrastination of my DH.... Which now spills into REALLY important matters. I don't think divorced husbands need guidance to the extent that he can't see a schedule and make a plan. 

I suppose I could have asked him every week for the last 3 months if it had been taken care of and a plan set, however... He is 43... I don't feel the need to babysit him. 

What do you mean by, "your husband doesn't see a problem with it." ?? Are you talking about that his lack of planning is causing him to lose time with his kids and he doesn't have a problem with losing time with his kids? Are you talking about he doesn't see a problem with assuming someone will step in when he again refuses to look more then a week in the future? 

Quoting IloveElephants:

Stepmom of 28 years here.  Divorced husbands need guidance.  They have a lot of guilt regarding the divorce and the fact that they don't get to see their children very much.  Doesn't matter who wanted the divorce.

I think you don't feel in control of the situation and that you feel your life is being scheduled by  your husband and his ex.  Your husband doesn't see a problem with it.  The ex probably doesn't know your feelings or doesn't care.  You got married knowing about his kids and ex wife.  If his kids are that bad, why not hire a babysitter to help you when they are there.  That might take the load off you.  







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kellynh
by Kelly on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:54 AM

Lol... You do realize they will still have a week, right? The only thing they lost was one weekend. They still have Mon-Sun. 

Quoting OvrMyHead:

 Sad because the skids lose out here by not getting to see and spend time with their Dad.






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kellynh
by Kelly on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:57 AM

Hmmm, while actually justified for something that I never posted about here.... It would be spiteful to not help out a little. BM isn't the issue AT ALL. Matter of fact, as a BM... I wouldn't be too happy with my ex for not planning in advance. 

Quoting p608319chef:

If it were me i would tell him if he were not there they wouldn't be there either BM would just get over it ita her an his kids they can figure it out.






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