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Moving out of state

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:39 PM
  • 28 Replies

DH has been offered a job out of state and we are planning on moving within the next month. DH has sole legal and primary physical custody and has raised my SS by himself for 3 years while BM was completely out of the picture. BM gets my SS EOWE now. What would be an appropriate amount of visitation time after we move. Her parents suggest no more than 2 weeks at a time. We have the feeling that she won't be satisfied with two weeks at a time. BM has never paid CS, we do most of the driving, and send all the clothes that usually come back, but not always. I don't know if this is important when it comes to visitation.

Any suggestions on how much visitation time BM should get, how often, and who should pay for it?

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KLBrown
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:49 PM
3 moms liked this

you need to review the CO and check with the courts. most don't allow a move beyond 50-100 miles without permission from either the NCP or a judge.

CSM07
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:55 PM

We already talked to an attorney last year and were told that we need BM's permission, but because DH has sole custody there is nothing BM can do to hinder us - especially with a job offer. We can do it the easy way (BM gives permission) or the hard way (DH petitions with the court). The question is now (and we will talk to an attorney again) how much visitation can BM get.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:13 PM

Either Thanksgiving or Christmas each year (alternating with Thanksgiving one year and Christmas and all of Christmas break the other), every spring break, and a decent amount of summer visitation. Most NCP that live far away get 4-6 weeks of visitation during the summer.

And unfortunately it's usually the parent who moves away that's responsible for the cost. But, I'd ask that BM pay for half, as in the parent picking up the child is responsible for their own costs. How old is SS? Would he be able to fly to see BM?

MamaMoopsie
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:26 PM

Well, seeing as she only gets him 2 days at a time now, and 4 days out of the month, I'd probably stick to something close to that. Maybe a week every month? And it should be up to her to pay travel, seeing as you and DH have the primary expense of raising him.

How old is your SS? If this is going to interfere with schooling, then you need to put the options of alternating holidays--you get him for one Christmas she gets him the next and the same with Spring Break. As for summer vacation, you can split it right down the middle or do two weeks on and two weeks off.

CSM07
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:45 PM

SS is 9. 4-6 weeks in the summer seem to be a very long time (especially since her parents think no more than 2 weeks at a time). SS also does only remember visiting her EOWE. He was only 2 years old when she left, and almost 6 when she came back. In the beginning she had supervised visitation for only a few hours every few weeks. So in SS's mind she's the parent who he visits for a fun weekend. Since she only gets 4 days a month (or 52 days per year) if she takes advantage of all the weekends (usually that doesn't happen) a long visit plus christmas and spring seems to be a lot. Next weekend he's going for 4 days because he has not seen BM for 6 weeks.

I might be wrong, but a long (4-6 weeks) visit seems to be too much for him. He also says he does not want to fly on his own. Would it be BM's responsibility to get him or do we have to take him? Who's paying? It will be about an 2.5 hour flight.

laughnchica
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this
BM is the one that moved on us. DF's daughter is 3 and will be going to BM for 8 weeks in the summer and to her for the holidays on off years. That is pretty standard visitation times and that is what the judge wanted no matter the age of the child.
BM in our sitch is required to pay for all travel costs but majority of the time one parent pays to get the child there and the other pays to get the child back,


Quoting CSM07:

SS is 9. 4-6 weeks in the summer seem to be a very long time (especially since her parents think no more than 2 weeks at a time). SS also does only remember visiting her EOWE. He was only 2 years old when she left, and almost 6 when she came back. In the beginning she had supervised visitation for only a few hours every few weeks. So in SS's mind she's the parent who he visits for a fun weekend. Since she only gets 4 days a month (or 52 days per year) if she takes advantage of all the weekends (usually that doesn't happen) a long visit plus christmas and spring seems to be a lot. Next weekend he's going for 4 days because he has not seen BM for 6 weeks.

I might be wrong, but a long (4-6 weeks) visit seems to be too much for him. He also says he does not want to fly on his own. Would it be BM's responsibility to get him or do we have to take him? Who's paying? It will be about an 2.5 hour flight.

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FoodIsLife
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:50 PM

It would depend on the distance. I think when you get to the visitations would need plane rides, then it becomes her getting a lot more of the vacation times and possibly a full summer? At that point it wouldn't be feasible for trips every other weekend or even once a month.

My stepmom had to pay for the ticket to her for her son and then his dad paid for the ticket back. He came everytime there was a break from school.

CSM07
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:01 AM

I understand that the whole summer (and maybe christmas and/or spring) is appropriate if there was a 50/50 situation before, but if SS went that long BM would get him more than she does now.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:03 AM

Standard visitation for a parent that doesn't have a safety purpose for having their visits reduced will have every spring break, Thanksigving or Christmas, and 4-6 weeks during the summer if EOWE visits can't occur due to distance.

And if BM doesn't agree and your DH has to go to court to get the move approved, without some SERIOUS proof of why more than 2 weeks is unsafe for SS, that's most likely what BM will get.

Usually the parent receiving the child is responsible for the travel. So, when BM is picking up SS she'll have to fly out and get him or drive out and get him. When her time is over, your DH will have to fly out to get him or drive. 


Quoting CSM07:

SS is 9. 4-6 weeks in the summer seem to be a very long time (especially since her parents think no more than 2 weeks at a time). SS also does only remember visiting her EOWE. He was only 2 years old when she left, and almost 6 when she came back. In the beginning she had supervised visitation for only a few hours every few weeks. So in SS's mind she's the parent who he visits for a fun weekend. Since she only gets 4 days a month (or 52 days per year) if she takes advantage of all the weekends (usually that doesn't happen) a long visit plus christmas and spring seems to be a lot. Next weekend he's going for 4 days because he has not seen BM for 6 weeks.

I might be wrong, but a long (4-6 weeks) visit seems to be too much for him. He also says he does not want to fly on his own. Would it be BM's responsibility to get him or do we have to take him? Who's paying? It will be about an 2.5 hour flight.



laughnchica
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting CSM07:

I understand that the whole summer (and maybe christmas and/or spring) is appropriate if there was a 50/50 situation before, but if SS went that long BM would get him more than she does now.




That is usually how it works though when a parent moves away. We never had a 50/50 situation but she gets summers and holidays every other year. They aren't going to take away ALL visitation just because you are farther away. Now if BM decides to not take it....that's on her.
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