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So let me get this straight...

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:39 PM
  • 91 Replies

As long as I provide the best insurance available to my skids, buy them what they want when they are on DH's time, not get involved with any parenting stuff (bath time, potty training, and so on), develop the not my kids not my problem theory, that is how it is determined that you are a successful step-parent in this group.  I am just curious since I am also a BM, I don't treat my ex's gf that way.  All I ask is that she not smoke cigarettes around my kids.  Why do some of you BMs think it is okay to belittle SMs who are trying their best to get along with you?

UPDATE:  I know that there is not one family that fits into all these situations, they were just examples of how/what happens in step-families.  I didn't mean to offend anyone.  At times I just don't know where to draw the line with the step-kids.  Danged if you do, danged if you don't, heck why try anymore.  I have learned the easiest thing to do is to allow the bio-parents to parent. 

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Who here thinks any of that?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
krazykiddles
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:52 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting GlockMom:

Who here thinks any of that?

I am just confused about why SMs cannot vent without being shot in the foot by Bio-Moms on here.  I just want to know what Bio-Moms expect and want from us at Step-Moms.

rebeccasmly
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this
The amount of involvement depends on your personal situation.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
teenmom0305
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:56 PM

I want the sm in my life to stop thinking she is ds mom. She trash talks me to everyone who will listen and has even called dhs on me. She had other people in her life believing ds was her ds. She had ds calling her mom.

There is a ton more but I wont tell without going anon. lol. Too much info

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:45 AM
8 moms liked this

You get all levels of crazy bm in here.  Some, like you, just want SM to be kind and not mistreat the kids, and are content to let sm and kids develop their own bond.

Then you have the psychos who think if sm take the kids to get a haircut, shes tryingt o be mom.  My SS bm flipped her mental switch once because I went with my SO to the mall and we bought DD and SS some clothes.  She said me buying him pants was me trying to be his mom.  

And you have every level in between.

Only you can decide if your step journey is "successful".  Each SM has her own levels of desire for involvement, and what they think a SP should be.  Its up to you and your DH how you move forward with it.

I consider my steplife to be pretty successful thus far. My SS and I have a great relationship, and while I am not his mother, I am absolutely one of his parents-just ask him :-)  He will tell you alllll about his luckymom and his little sister (my dd, not his bio sis) and how much he loves us.  And we love him wholeheartedly.

And we are happy.  To me, thats more than enough.

krazykiddles
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:52 AM


When it comes to being kind to DH's ex-bitch, I just stay away from her.  DH's step-father has her over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, his family adores her and I don't know why after she cheated on him and has a maybe baby with either DH or this other guy.  DH is paying child-support and loves him as his own so he says it doesn't matter what the DNA test would say.  I keep my opinion on the matter to myself.  I even quite babysitting due to his ex-wife's cruelity. 

Quoting luckystars2012:

You get all levels of crazy bm in here.  Some, like you, just want SM to be kind and not mistreat the kids, and are content to let sm and kids develop their own bond.

Then you have the psychos who think if sm take the kids to get a haircut, shes tryingt o be mom.  My SS bm flipped her mental switch once because I went with my SO to the mall and we bought DD and SS some clothes.  She said me buying him pants was me trying to be his mom.  

And you have every level in between.

Only you can decide if your step journey is "successful".  Each SM has her own levels of desire for involvement, and what they think a SP should be.  Its up to you and your DH how you move forward with it.

I consider my steplife to be pretty successful thus far. My SS and I have a great relationship, and while I am not his mother, I am absolutely one of his parents-just ask him :-)  He will tell you alllll about his luckymom and his little sister (my dd, not his bio sis) and how much he loves us.  And we love him wholeheartedly.

And we are happy.  To me, thats more than enough.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:52 AM



Quoting krazykiddles:

Quoting GlockMom:

Who here thinks any of that?

I am just confused about why SMs cannot vent without being shot in the foot by Bio-Moms on here.  I just want to know what Bio-Moms expect and want from us at Step-Moms.

Don't create a one sized fits all BM here.  Taken one at a time, all of your strategies are appropriate in various situations.  Stop lumping all BMs in one group and maybe you can get help.

are you happy?  Is your steplife wonderful?  Hmmm, my guess is it isn't.

And bullshit that the only thing you don't want SM in your life to change is smoking cigarettes.  Seriously, not buying it.  


krazykiddles
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM

My kids rarely see her and when they do she smokes around them.  I know nothing about her other than that.  My daughter has Asthma and my son has allergies that really affects them badly.  My ex doesn't smoke. 

Quoting pdxmum:



Quoting krazykiddles:

Quoting GlockMom:

Who here thinks any of that?

I am just confused about why SMs cannot vent without being shot in the foot by Bio-Moms on here.  I just want to know what Bio-Moms expect and want from us at Step-Moms.

Don't create a one sized fits all BM here.  Taken one at a time, all of your strategies are appropriate in various situations.  Stop lumping all BMs in one group and maybe you can get help.

are you happy?  Is your steplife wonderful?  Hmmm, my guess is it isn't.

And bullshit that the only thing you don't want SM in your life to change is smoking cigarettes.  Seriously, not buying it.  



pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM


And there we have it!  OP calls BM the "ex-bitch" and her skid a "maybe baby" and we wonder why she doesn't like what BMs say here.

probably eats her alive knowing DHs family loves her still.

Quoting krazykiddles:


When it comes to being kind to DH's ex-bitch, I just stay away from her.  DH's step-father has her over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, his family adores her and I don't know why after she cheated on him and has a maybe baby with either DH or this other guy.  DH is paying child-support and loves him as his own so he says it doesn't matter what the DNA test would say.  I keep my opinion on the matter to myself.  I even quite babysitting due to his ex-wife's cruelity. 

Quoting luckystars2012:

You get all levels of crazy bm in here.  Some, like you, just want SM to be kind and not mistreat the kids, and are content to let sm and kids develop their own bond.

Then you have the psychos who think if sm take the kids to get a haircut, shes tryingt o be mom.  My SS bm flipped her mental switch once because I went with my SO to the mall and we bought DD and SS some clothes.  She said me buying him pants was me trying to be his mom.  

And you have every level in between.

Only you can decide if your step journey is "successful".  Each SM has her own levels of desire for involvement, and what they think a SP should be.  Its up to you and your DH how you move forward with it.

I consider my steplife to be pretty successful thus far. My SS and I have a great relationship, and while I am not his mother, I am absolutely one of his parents-just ask him :-)  He will tell you alllll about his luckymom and his little sister (my dd, not his bio sis) and how much he loves us.  And we love him wholeheartedly.

And we are happy.  To me, thats more than enough.




packermomof2
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:59 AM
I don't think it is your job to spend any of your money on your SK's or put them on your insurance. That is the parents job, but if you do that it doesn't make you a good SP necessarily. I can get on board with the staying out of the parenting things when there are two active and involved parents though. That is the kind of SM I prefer.
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