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Serious anon post - vacations

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies
Okay, so I have a child as does my husband. Both of our kids have winter birthdays. I am pregnant and due in the winter and dh has a winter birthday.

My birthday is in the summer - I have always traveled for my birthday, within the country. My son has always been to young to go and enjoy it and remember it.

He's 5 now, and will be starting kindergarten in the fall - for my birthday, I really want to take him on a cruise with me. I'd really like for it to just be me and my son, however my husband has always wanted to go on a cruise.

I found one the week of my birthday its a 3 day Bahamas cruise and with gas to get to the departure port, spending money as recommended by the reviews and a little extra - I would only need about 800 for the two of us, or 1200 for 4.

I know financially it makes more sense to just go as a family, but ds and I never have this time alone anymore. I would love to drive down, just us, spend the cruise just us, maybe visit my aunt for a day or two and drive home together. It would be so much fun

However, I don't want to offend my husband. He and his daughter would love it as well - but I'd love for this one last mommy/son thing before the baby is born

My husband is welcome to take a trip with just his daughter - the problem is, he won't. He won't take the time to plan for it, save for it, talk to the people to make it happen, request the time from bm, etc. He just won't - then my SD misses out on a trip, because I didn't make it happen for her

Am I wrong? Do any of you take trips - just you and YOUR kids?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:26 AM

yep sure do-DH bitches but he does things with just HIS kids and I keep my mouth shut (because they need that time with Dad).

Talk it over with hubby-see if he's okay with just you and your son going away. Maybe he'll be okay with it, kiss your face and say "have a nice time dear"

Pinot
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:36 AM

I'd pick something different. I think you are risking that your husband will feel excluded. I understand why you'd want to do this with your oldest child but excluding your husband/SD could cause pain and resentment. I would go with a weekend trip, not to celebrate your birthday and share the cruise as a family.

Melina74
by Melina on Mar. 22, 2013 at 2:38 AM

I know what you mean, and I understand.  But if you think your husband will get upset or feel excluded, maybe it's better to either nix the trip or go as a family.  Maybe you could tell your DH that you want to go as a family, but ask if he minds if you both have a one on one day with your kids during the cruise.  You take your son off the boat on an exclusion and he can do the same with his daughter.  That way you still get to do new stuff with just your son, but everyone is included. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 2:43 AM
2 moms liked this

So what makes this a "serious" anon post?  Why post anon?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2013 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you all for your suggestions - Maybe I will consider a road trip for my son and I instead.

PDX - I know that not everyone here is a fan of the anon feature in SMC. Actually it seems, according to the last time I looked at the poll, that very few people want it here. When I put serious - it was to imply that I'm not a troll. I am not a regular, but I'm active enough. I see lots of fun anon posts going on, and I just wanted to throw it out there that this was a legit question.

I went anon because I know how people in this group can be towards step moms that don't want to do for their step children. I didn't want this to get twisted around and make me look like an evil stepmom. It's not that I don't want to do for my step daughter, I just want to do something special for my son.

I would have posted this in Mom Confessions eventually if SMC hadn't had the anon feature. The introduction of anon just reinforced the idea that I wanted to ask this question of others - I've been debating posting this for a few days now



Quoting pdxmum:

So what makes this a "serious" anon post?  Why post anon?



shanlee42
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Something as big as a cruise should be taken by the whole family if possible. Why can't you schedule time once a month to do something just you and your son?
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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:10 AM

I think that even if all of the kids were your biologically, I would guess there would be a time when you'd like to do something special with each child one on one.

My folks did that with us when we were little.  Mom might take me to a horse show or Dad would take me to a concert.  Then they did something with just my middle or youngest brother too.

DH and BM do a special weekend trip with each of the girls separately every summer.  They swap kids each year.  Typically they'll take a road trip--somewhere within 4-6 hours.  Hit up amusement parks, museums, etc. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things one on one.  However, when you're talking about a "big" trip, there's a fairness issue for me.  

What concerns me about your post is the section where you say that your DH won't plan anything. 

Have you brought it up to him?  Like you guys pick a weekend and you plan something with your son and he plans something with his daughter?  Does he outright say no or is he just not a person who thinks about such things?

The reason I ask is because I'm not much of a planner of fun. DH is usually the one who comes up with a trip idea.  I might handle the details once we've decided to go for it.  But generally speaking, he's the planner in our relationship.  I'm not averse to doing stuff, it's just that I don't really think about it.  A lot of the things that he and the kids like to do are not things I enjoy and the converse is true as well.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:28 AM

I have a concern about fairness as well, only because my husband won't plan it. He thinks of big plans to do with the kids, but then doesn't plan it or follow through.

If I plan it, he is sure to miss the plane/train/bus etc. because he is always late to everything.I have not brought it up to him but I think other posters might be right, that it may cause some resentment, because he's been talking about a cruise for a year now. However, the idea was originally brought up as something that I wanted to take my son on, and then he fabricated this picture of the whole family going in his head. Last time he brought it up he mentioned waiting until the baby is old enough to enjoy it and remember it. So another 5-6 years??

I don't want to wait 5-6 years because I'm impatient. LOL

I think I may just do a road trip instead. My mothers birthday is coming up and the kids will get to go on a boat then - which was kinda the point of the cruise, was to get my boat loving son on a boat. I just really want/need to have some special time with just us two.


Quoting Birdseed:

I think that even if all of the kids were your biologically, I would guess there would be a time when you'd like to do something special with each child one on one.

My folks did that with us when we were little.  Mom might take me to a horse show or Dad would take me to a concert.  Then they did something with just my middle or youngest brother too.

DH and BM do a special weekend trip with each of the girls separately every summer.  They swap kids each year.  Typically they'll take a road trip--somewhere within 4-6 hours.  Hit up amusement parks, museums, etc. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing things one on one.  However, when you're talking about a "big" trip, there's a fairness issue for me.  

What concerns me about your post is the section where you say that your DH won't plan anything. 

Have you brought it up to him?  Like you guys pick a weekend and you plan something with your son and he plans something with his daughter?  Does he outright say no or is he just not a person who thinks about such things?

The reason I ask is because I'm not much of a planner of fun. DH is usually the one who comes up with a trip idea.  I might handle the details once we've decided to go for it.  But generally speaking, he's the planner in our relationship.  I'm not averse to doing stuff, it's just that I don't really think about it.  A lot of the things that he and the kids like to do are not things I enjoy and the converse is true as well.





LovingMy2x4
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:53 AM

I've done quite a few trips (Disney cruise included) with just my kids. But I wasnt the one who paid for it. My dad, ever since I was 5, has taken me on vacation once a year. When my kids were born, they started coming and the trips were based around them. My SO cant afford to go and wont accept my dad paying for these vacations. So while I feel guilty that my skids dont get to go, Im not going to have my kids miss out because of it. That wouldnt be fair to them. 

Maybe suggest it as you want to take your son away and you think he should take his daughter away before the baby comes. That way each child can have some one on one time with their parent before they have to share with a new baby. If he doesnt follow through, then thats on him.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 10:17 AM

I still don't get why anon.  Your topic is no big deal.  Making it anon makes you seem ashamed to even ask the question.  You have some issues for sure, but nothing that some advice from a bunch of us might not help.

heck, DH is on vacation with just his boys right now.  Ad it is a big trip, cross country, airplanes, hotels.  I'm taking a trip with DDs in July.  Just spent $780 on theatre tickets alone.

lots of us believe in seperate trips.

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