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CS drama update in pink

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:48 PM
  • 49 Replies

DH has for whatever reason decided not to give BM a heads up about CS. SD and DD have speical needs and our medical is supplemented with state medicaid. Because SD has medicaid our state requires that the CP establish CS for the child. Fine, whatever. DH filled out the paperwork and it's moving. The paperwork has officially been turned in as of last week. The thing is, BM is going to FLIP. For the last almost year all we've heard about CS from her is what a huge financial burden it would be for her. And she takes things out on SD, so DH decided it really wasn't worth the $200 a month to put that stress on SD.

So, here we are. A week after all of the paperwork was received by the Department of Child Support (DCS) and DH STILL hasn't given BM a heads up about what's going on. It just pisses me off that he wouldn't at least send her an email saying, "Hey, DCS is requiring me to establish CS for SD otherwise SD wil lose her medical and DD may lose her's as well since they're on the same case number." ONE freakin sentence, and we'd at least, HOPEFULLY, be able to forego the nasty emails, texts, and phone calls that are sure to come up once BM gets notified.

I know it's her responsiblity to pay CS, hell, DH did when she had custody and he did it every month without complaint. Even when he thought it wasn't going to SD, he still paid and he'd say, "It's my job as a parent to pay it, it's her job as a parent to use it for SD." And BM wasn't nice about CS at all. She actually lied to DCS to try to get MORE money than she should have based on the state calculator. The casworker and adminstrative law judge were NOT happy when BM was caught in all her lies.

I'm just really not looking forward to the nastiness, especially since I drop SD off to BM when she takes her one visitation a month, due to DH's work schedule. DH does the pick up though.

I really wish BM would just step up and be decent and understand that it's not about DH, it's not about me, it's not about her, it's about SD and what SHE deserves from BOTH of her parents.


Holy crap DCS works fast. Apparently the caseworker has already contacted BM. The caseworker didn't say when she had contacted BM in her letter to DH, but that she had given BM the same information about SD losing medical if DH didn't get CS. But, I guess this shows my worry was for nothing.

In the paperwork BM claims she makes $7 an hour (the state she works in has a minimum wage of $8.95 and our state's minimum wage is $9.19. Because BM admitted she was in school voluntarily (that's what it says in the paperwork) they imputed her income at our state's minimum wage at 40 hours a week. CS has  been set for $148 a month, with back support for about half of March set at $67.
 

by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:17 PM

 she will flip out even if he does tell her so i guess he just is trying to put it off. but i agree, a heads up would be the stand up thing to do.

Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:29 PM
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Eh at least he can blame the State and redirect her anger.
I don't think he's morally obligated to give her a heads up unless he gave promises that he wouldn't do it. Even then I'm not sure if he needs to. She should know that it is her responsibility burden or not and it could come at any time.
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Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:31 PM
Why is it the Stan up thing to do? She'll get the paperwork. How much time is necessary and why should she need extra time? Will anything positive come out of it?

Quoting faerie75:

 she will flip out even if he does tell her so i guess he just is trying to put it off. but i agree, a heads up would be the stand up thing to do.

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kristinbugg
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:39 PM
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I can't really blame DH for not saying anything about the CS, if BM is liable to take her anger out on SD. 

Although, I do see your point.  She may be even angier when she finds out that he filed CS and didn't tell her.  Either way, BM is being a deadbeat by not paying her CS.  My God, it's $200 per month....yet she claims it is a financial burden! 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:41 PM

 would YOU like to be blindsided with it? i know my SO wouldnt, and neither would i. and while BM wouldnt give a squirt of piss to be stand up, i prefer to take the high road. id encourage him to tell her too.

Quoting Polkadotted:

Why is it the Stan up thing to do? She'll get the paperwork. How much time is necessary and why should she need extra time? Will anything positive come out of it?

Quoting faerie75:

 she will flip out even if he does tell her so i guess he just is trying to put it off. but i agree, a heads up would be the stand up thing to do.

 

 
        
         

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:43 PM

so what if she is mad.  Don't let it bother you.  And ya she would be mad if it came from Dh or the state.  Don't react to her being mad.

DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:48 PM

 Honestly, I agree with your DH, I wouldn't give BM a heads up if he thinks it is going to be drama.  Let the court handle it... 

I never contact my ex about CS, even when I know where he is, it would be a waste of breath.  There's a court system to deal with it. 

Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:52 PM
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It should not be a blindside. If the OP has custody, CS is always a possibility. this shouldn't come as a surprise to any parent.

She should still get the paperwork for a hearing with enough time to prepare herself.


Quoting faerie75:

 would YOU like to be blindsided with it? i know my SO wouldnt, and neither would i. and while BM wouldnt give a squirt of piss to be stand up, i prefer to take the high road. id encourage him to tell her too.


Quoting Polkadotted:

Why is it the Stan up thing to do? She'll get the paperwork. How much time is necessary and why should she need extra time? Will anything positive come out of it?


Quoting faerie75:


 she will flip out even if he does tell her so i guess he just is trying to put it off. but i agree, a heads up would be the stand up thing to do.


 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:54 PM
This same thing is happening to me. I called bio dad told him that i have to get it ordered because if not i will lose ds's medical. I totally agree he should let her know.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:55 PM

 and thats the way that you would handle it. i personally would tell her.

Quoting Polkadotted:

It should not be a blindside. If the OP has custody, CS is always a possibility. this shouldn't come as a surprise to any parent.

She should still get the paperwork for a hearing with enough time to prepare herself.


Quoting faerie75:

 would YOU like to be blindsided with it? i know my SO wouldnt, and neither would i. and while BM wouldnt give a squirt of piss to be stand up, i prefer to take the high road. id encourage him to tell her too.


Quoting Polkadotted:

Why is it the Stan up thing to do? She'll get the paperwork. How much time is necessary and why should she need extra time? Will anything positive come out of it?


Quoting faerie75:


 she will flip out even if he does tell her so i guess he just is trying to put it off. but i agree, a heads up would be the stand up thing to do.


 

 

 
        
         

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