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worried step mom

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:03 PM
  • 26 Replies

Hello,

I do not have any children of my own. I have been a care giver to my boyfriends daughter for 3 years. We have her 3 days a week. I have some concerns about something going on at her mothers house. I would like to get feedback here to determine if I over reacting or if I had reason to be worried.

My step daughter is 6 years old. Her mother has brought Jodi bras to wear. Jodi has a "date" to the movies tomorrow. Last year on valentines day Jodi had her "boyfriend" over. They enjoyed a candle light dinner together. Following dinner, Jodi changed into a dress and danced for her boyfriend. I am concerned that this is too young for these behavior and it will lead Jodi to be advanced sexually too early. Jodi told me one day that she didnt want to wear a certain outfit to school because her boyfriend wouldnt like it.

Am I being paranoid? Is this normal 6 year old activities?


thank you

by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this

uhm....no this is NOT normal.

The bras I'm not even going to touch that one....but as far as her behavior with the boyfriend..yeah that's not normal.

What does your boyfriend say?

lnr187
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:09 PM

hmm i think thats taking it a little too far. if the kid wants a friend over for dinner on vday, fine. but to be concerned about what outfit her bf likes, or dressing up and dancing for him... going too far. and a bra on a 6 year old?! i dont know that it would necessarily make her have sex too young, she might outgrow this phase, but yea i think it's weird mom is doing that... what does her dad say about it?

steptoeva
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:13 PM

Unfortunately he thinks that I am over reacting and that these behaviors will have no long term implications. Im so worried for my step daughter and how she may be taked afvantage of in the future. I asked my boyfriend to speak to his ex about it. The tough part is that his ex is a counselor so my boyfriend believe she would not be a poor parent.Thank you so much for the reply

ejsmom4604
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:19 PM

A person can have a gazillion degrees in pyschology, social work, counseling etc and that doesn't mean they will be a good parent or make good choices. Honestly, BM is way off the mark if she thinks this is ok. It's not. If she has no need for a bra, then she shouldn't be wearing one at that age. She is not even being taught how to be independant at all, but instead someone submissive set out to constantly please others. MAJOR red flags here. 

Oh and the only way the dancing would be ok, is if she put on a ballerina outfit and did a ballet dance (maybe some jazz or tap). 

Quoting steptoeva:

Unfortunately he thinks that I am over reacting and that these behaviors will have no long term implications. Im so worried for my step daughter and how she may be taked afvantage of in the future. I asked my boyfriend to speak to his ex about it. The tough part is that his ex is a counselor so my boyfriend believe she would not be a poor parent.Thank you so much for the reply


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lnr187
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:23 PM

 um is your boyfriend ok with this behavior from his daughter? regardless if he thinks bm is a good parent, i know my dh would flip if bm was encouraging his little baby girl to act this way.

steptoeva
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:26 PM

He doesnt think the behavior will have any long term repercussions. He also thinks that speaking to his ex will not help and she will continue the behavior. I will continue to try to convince him that it needs to be discussed

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Not normal. BM's behavior is disturbing.
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amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:05 PM
2 moms liked this

WTF did I just read?!?

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:11 PM
4 moms liked this


He is probably right that speaking to Bm won't help.  So he feels helpless.

he doesn't have to be helpless, he can figure out how to help his daughter learn healthier behaviors.  He can have tremendous impact in her life offering positive, powerful messages.

 Don't waste your time trying to get him to discuss with BM.  Do some research yourself about girls and self image and daddy's influence.  Find some books on father daughter relationships.  His influence can be more like a vaccination against unhealthy behaviors as he grows up.  

He is not helpless.  But don't try to change BM.  You can only influence what goes on in your home.

Quoting steptoeva:

He doesnt think the behavior will have any long term repercussions. He also thinks that speaking to his ex will not help and she will continue the behavior. I will continue to try to convince him that it needs to be discussed



HenrysMom68
by Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:35 PM

A bra? Sure, if she needs one there is nothing wrong with it, but 6 does seem a little young. The rest of it? Hell no. BM is either really young, really immature or just stupid or all three. Either way, this is something that is only going to get worse. I would really lean on her dad to get a handle on this - nothing about this is normal and not at all healthy for the little girl or her "boyfriend". Does the boys mom know about this? Is she ok with it? How did you find out about it?

Please do what you can, this is seriously messed up!

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