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In need of parenting advice..!!

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:23 AM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this
I have a 15 years old stepdaughter living with us. She has abandonment issues because her birth mother left her when she was 6 years old. Long story short, her mother came back in her life and now she's out of the picture again for the 2nd time! It's very frustrating because I hate seeing the disappointments in my SD's face and the hurt she's going through.
Everytime, I allow her friends to come over to stay the night and she has jealousy issues and VERY CLINGY. She scares off people because they don't want to deal with a clingy person. I've been having the talk to her about her being clingy and about her taking everything so damn personal. She's so over sensitive about everything and always gets so emotional. I have never seen anyone her age at 15 acting like this. I don't want her to be that type of a person that's so clingy and not give people space. She's going to high school next year and my fear is that when she's dating, a boy will hurt her emotionally and that will make it a lot worse than it is. How can I help her be emotionally ready for things to come in the near future?? I told her that she's not ready to date just yet because she needs to work on herself emotionally and mentally first.
I don't want any boy to target her when she's so fricking vulnerable and thinks its ok to take advantage and abuse her because she doesn't know how to stand up for herself at all!
I try to help her and give her advice but she doesn't wanna my help or hear what I have to say. I love her very much and treat her like she's my own. I'm very protective of her because she has no idea how it is to be in a relationship that's very unhealthy or know what she's getting herself into....

I'm open to any advice...

Thanks!
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by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:23 AM
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Replies (1-9):
AMBG825
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 7:10 AM

 Counseling.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 7:26 AM
Counsellng, activities, sculpting a good group of friends. Building her confidence and independence slowly.

Teaching her how to interact directly (tell her lovingly, honestly .... Don't assume she knows.

And love her. It's what any kid with attachment disorders or abandonment issues needs. Consistent, long term, unconditional love.
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painNtheazz
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 8:05 AM
Quoting chanizen:

Counsellng, activities, sculpting a good group of friends. Building her confidence and independence slowly.

Teaching her how to interact directly (tell her lovingly, honestly .... Don't assume she knows.

And love her. It's what any kid with attachment disorders or abandonment issues needs. Consistent, long term, unconditional love.
^^ This
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:37 AM

What does she do outside of school?  What ECs?

and counseling.  For you and DH also to learn how to help her.

How long have you known her?  Des she see her mom at all?

HRT0987
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:35 PM
She tries to hang out with other kids after school.

I have been with her father for 5 1/2 years. I've known her for 5 1/2 years. Her mother doesn't make any efforts to see my SD at all. No calls or anything at all. My SD don't want to have anything to do with her mother anymore because she's good at breaking promises, not have 'time' to spend quality time as mother/daughter, and good at disappearing!


Quoting pdxmum:

What does she do outside of school?  What ECs?

and counseling.  For you and DH also to learn how to help her.

How long have you known her?  Des she see her mom at all?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
HRT0987
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks!


Quoting painNtheazz:

Quoting chanizen:

Counsellng, activities, sculpting a good group of friends. Building her confidence and independence slowly.



Teaching her how to interact directly (tell her lovingly, honestly .... Don't assume she knows.



And love her. It's what any kid with attachment disorders or abandonment issues needs. Consistent, long term, unconditional love.



^^ This

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:41 PM


She needs some structure to her social interactions.  Find an EC or a sport.  Or dance.  Just something that meets regularly with the same group of people doing something.  Just hanging out is great, but it sounds like she needs more.

we have a rock gym near us that has a teen club.  There is a rowing club that is amazing for developing social skills.  Find something.

Quoting HRT0987:

She tries to hang out with other kids after school.

I have been with her father for 5 1/2 years. I've known her for 5 1/2 years. Her mother doesn't make any efforts to see my SD at all. No calls or anything at all. My SD don't want to have anything to do with her mother anymore because she's good at breaking promises, not have 'time' to spend quality time as mother/daughter, and good at disappearing!


Quoting pdxmum:

What does she do outside of school?  What ECs?

and counseling.  For you and DH also to learn how to help her.

How long have you known her?  Des she see her mom at all?




HRT0987
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:54 PM
What town are you in? If its closer, I would check out the teen club


Quoting pdxmum:


She needs some structure to her social interactions.  Find an EC or a sport.  Or dance.  Just something that meets regularly with the same group of people doing something.  Just hanging out is great, but it sounds like she needs more.

we have a rock gym near us that has a teen club.  There is a rowing club that is amazing for developing social skills.  Find something.


Quoting HRT0987:

She tries to hang out with other kids after school.



I have been with her father for 5 1/2 years. I've known her for 5 1/2 years. Her mother doesn't make any efforts to see my SD at all. No calls or anything at all. My SD don't want to have anything to do with her mother anymore because she's good at breaking promises, not have 'time' to spend quality time as mother/daughter, and good at disappearing!





Quoting pdxmum:

What does she do outside of school?  What ECs?

and counseling.  For you and DH also to learn how to help her.

How long have you known her?  Des she see her mom at all?







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 2:22 PM


I'm in Oregon.  Doesn't she do anything other than school?  Look I to what sports or clubs there are in HS.  Let's say she wants to cheer - get her in some tumbling classes now and work out a training regimine. Or if she likes the idea of volleyball, same thing, find a rec league.  Look at local community colleges for classes or clubs.  Google "teen activities your town USA".  Ask her what she might like.  Talk to a guidance counselor.  Talk to other parents.  Ask what their kids do.  It is hard to break into a sport if you have no experience before HS, but there should be plenty of no cut sports like track and field, cross country, racquetball.  Try tennis lessons. 

Just get creative.

Quoting HRT0987:

What town are you in? If its closer, I would check out the teen club


Quoting pdxmum:


She needs some structure to her social interactions.  Find an EC or a sport.  Or dance.  Just something that meets regularly with the same group of people doing something.  Just hanging out is great, but it sounds like she needs more.

we have a rock gym near us that has a teen club.  There is a rowing club that is amazing for developing social skills.  Find something.


Quoting HRT0987:

She tries to hang out with other kids after school.



I have been with her father for 5 1/2 years. I've known her for 5 1/2 years. Her mother doesn't make any efforts to see my SD at all. No calls or anything at all. My SD don't want to have anything to do with her mother anymore because she's good at breaking promises, not have 'time' to spend quality time as mother/daughter, and good at disappearing!





Quoting pdxmum:

What does she do outside of school?  What ECs?

and counseling.  For you and DH also to learn how to help her.

How long have you known her?  Des she see her mom at all?









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