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I don't even know what to say

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:57 AM
  • 19 Replies
So I mentioned BM is back w party boy.

Last night I had my monthly ladies night so I was gone. Ss12 usually plays ps3 or hangs out w my sons but last night he came outside and hung w dad for a long time.

Among other things, he said that now that gabe is back around w his kids, mom acts all fake nice but when he's not there she ignores them. And that she doesn't take them anywhere unless gabe comes over and they are taking his daughters. And when they are gone (over here w dad) they take his daughters all kinds of places and not them. And his daughter just had a b day and mom got her all kinds of stuff, and on his b day she couldn't even take the time to get him a gift, she just gave him $40 and didn't even want to let him get what HE wanted. And didnt spend any time w him. He said he feel like mom cares more for gabe's girls than she does her own kids. And he feels like he hates her. And how come he can't come live w dad, even when we just stay home he feels happy here.

He also said after his mom rear ended that car she yelled at all of them and blames them for being loud, but that it happened because she was on the phone.

SO told me that he doesn't even know wtf to say to her, because she will just get defensive and deny it and then yell at ss12 later.
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by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Gah.  Poor kid.  What is the schedule now?  

DH needs to listen and empathize.  "That would make anyone a little sad to feel like their mom isn't interested in them" or "I'm sorry you couldn't get what you want for your birthday".  Changing custody with someone that doesn't want to will cause more drama for SS.  You need to balance the battle with collateral damage.  Is there something else you could do?  A middle ground?

shanlee42
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Is BD willing to go to court if his son continues down the path of wanting to live with him? I feel for you and BD. this is a tough situation and very heartbreaking.
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:11 PM
Well the CO is SO has eow fri-mon and Wed dinner. In reality, we have them eow, Wed overnight and at least one night out of her weekend if not more. It's joint.

SO and BM both hate court but eventually if things continue this way SO might want to go back. I am not looking forward to it. First off he can't prove anything she does and they don't listen to the kids. I think sonetime in the next year or two BM will likely start fucking up. As in a DUI or a dv. She is embarking I this dramatic off and on w party boy and she is partying a lot. If she takes it there then they might change custody but if not idk if they would. And now BM let's her son come over which is good for her son.

It's a mess. I wish she get her shit together and see how it affects her kids.
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rebeccasmly
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:16 PM
My heart broke when I read this. My SDs have said similar stuff about BM, except living here since they already do. I understand not knowing what to say or do. Poor little boy. :(
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AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 So... I totally read that "Last night I had my monthly so I was gone".  LOL.  Red tent, anyone?

As far as everything else... That really sucks for SS.  It is sad when parents put their own wants and needs over that of their children.

If your SO ever did decide to take BM to court of a custody change he could consider a GAL so that, at least, SS could have his opinion heard. 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Oh hell no. We HAD a GAL and she was biased as fuck. My SO has a long rap sheet but it is OLD. He has been at the same job for 7 years, before that the same job for ten, very stable and very attentive father but all they saw was "old rap sheet" and all they listened to was BM crying he was an alcoholic, which he is not. The GAL ate up everything BM said. BM is a train wreck of a person but on paper doesn't loo that bad. That's the problem.

The older two told GAL they rather livw w dad and GAL just reported that "they say they want to live w father but I think they are loyal to him" and disregarded what they said. They were 9 and 7 so that is young. But GAL just had her ear closed and her mind made up.

Quoting AmericanDream: So... I totally read that "Last night I had my monthly so I was gone".  LOL.  Red tent, anyone?
As far as everything else... That really sucks for SS.  It is sad when parents put their own wants and needs over that of their children.
If your SO ever did decide to take BM to court of a custody change he could consider a GAL so that, at least, SS could have his opinion heard. 
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 2:45 PM
Lately if I edit a quote its been fucking up the quote. Sorry.
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ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 2:58 PM
If y'all have them often enough could y'all get him into counseling? The councelor may help your DH to show courts that the kid is better off with DH. Also in some states after certain age they do take into consideration what kids want. I'd look into that.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Mar. 23, 2013 at 3:10 PM
I agree,courts won't really help w this type of stuff.

I totally get this. It does suck. BM has never taken sons on trips. Guess where they went finally? To the beach? Guess why? Bc her Dh had HIS sons down from out of state:/

BM does this. I think it's that be nicer to strangers then to your loved ones thing. She wants to look like she's "awesome" but it's to the wrong people:(

BM didn't take SS anywhere for b days or even have them for her b day. Instead she took like 5-6 trips already w her Dh. Alone. The skids seen this and it sucked.

I think the most you can do is have Dh talk to him. Like px said. Just say "well that sucks," & hopefully one day SS can talk to BM about how he feels.

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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 3:50 PM
I know, I'm thinking that's all really.

I was a single mom for years and did the party thing. A lot. But I also spent all day w my boys on weekends doing things w just them. Like take them to SF to Alcatraz or to Santa Cruz. Even if I was broke I would take a picnic to Santa Cruz and get them one treat and a ride or two. I saved up for their birthdays. I just don't get it when it comes to her.
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