Hi I'm new to this group but I have a huge issue.
Last month I adopted SD. BM is a pot head She's bipolar and all the other works. She tells DH all the time that she wants to sign SD over and never see her again because she doesn't want SD to turn out like her. He finally told her that if that is truly what she wanted then she should do it. Mostly he was trying to call her bluff because she'd always say her biggest fear is that SD will think she's a looser who never tried and I'll adopt SD. She agreed and we took care of everything. We did it fast but asked her if she was sure the whole way along we told her she could still contact SD she told us no she didn't want to. SD is 10 but mentally she is about 7. She hasn't seen SD in about 6 months and hasn't contacted her since the dy she agreed with DH. I thought at some point she would change her mind once reality set in but she never did. (she came close but never did.) DH has contacted her and said he would never change his number and would let her know if we move and he'd send her pictures. She told him thank you and it was all quite a shock to both of us.
My problem is Sd still knows bm as mom she's always called both of us mom and she always has said she has two moms and that's all that she needs. Now that she's going to only have one mom how do we help her cope. I don't want her to totally ever forget about her mom because that wouldn't be fair even more so if mom ever wants to come back into her life. I just want to help SD understand. She is always saying she wants to get BM a gift or do something the next time she sees bm and I try to talk to her and tell her that BM loved her sooo much she wanted SD to have just a mommy and a daddy. I try to hold her and tell her life is going to be ok. I just want to know that at some point she's going to be ok with everything and won't hate me in the end. I have always been the mom, the one who took care of her education,drs appts, therapies and Etc. She's getting ready see a specialist very soon that specializes in child abandonment issues and helping kids cope with death ( it's the best thing I could come up with.) I'm going to ask him a lot of questions like what I'm asking now. I just hope she understands that I love her and that if BM does ever come back I hope that mine and SD can get a chance to really bond as mother and daughter so that sd doesn't try to run and push DH and I away like what we did was bad. How do I help her cope and understand that this was all done for her benefit.