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Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

I'm still new to all this but willing to listen and learn and will take any advice given. when dealing with the stepdaughters mother we have a ton of issues. I have done everything I can to get along and do what;s best for our little girl. Because she is the one that gets hurt in this. I am out of ideas on how to deal with her. She is mean, manipulative and very codependent . And Jealousy is a huge factor. Please any help would be great. thanks

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 25, 2013 at 6:05 AM
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Replies (1-5):
shanlee42
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:22 AM
1 mom liked this
Let BD handle BM.
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amonkeymom
by Amy on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM

Welcome!

I would suggest that you let your stepdaughter's father handle all dealings with the birth mom.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm still new to all this but willing to listen and learn and will take any advice given. when dealing with the stepdaughters mother we have a ton of issues. I have done everything I can to get along and do what;s best for our little girl. Because she is the one that gets hurt in this. I am out of ideas on how to deal with her. She is mean, manipulative and very codependent . And Jealousy is a huge factor. Please any help would be great. thanks


Leigh84
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:44 PM
You've already gotten good advice. Let the father deal w/her so you don't have to. That will probably "keep the peace" who knows maybe one day she'll come around.
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Zaticia
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:48 PM

Again, my best advice is to learn what is and what is not in your control.  You, for the most part can control what happens at your house.  You cannot control anything BM says, does or does not do.  It's difficult, but let it go and try to make peace with it.

Also, as hard as it is sometimes to hold your tongue (or in my past experience emails) let your SO do the "dealing" with the BM.  You can be his support and sounding board - but it is much easier for everyone, especially the child, if you let DH take care of things with her.

1SpaZZedMom
by Librarian on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:54 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm still new to all this but willing to listen and learn and will take any advice given. when dealing with the stepdaughters mother we have a ton of issues. Would you be willing to elaborate what types of issues there are? More info brings more insight.
 I have done everything I can to get along and do what;s best for our little girl. If BM isn't willing to get along with you - best advice is what the others have said - disengage from BM and let Dad handle the issues best he can. BM may see it as you are overstepping, which is very common in many instances.
Because she is the one that gets hurt in this. I am out of ideas on how to deal with her. She is mean, manipulative and very codependent . And Jealousy is a huge factor. One think that could help is if your DH were to ask BM what she believes your role as a SM should be, and then he share his opinion as well. They need to be as close to on the same page as possible with your role as a SM in order for respect to be ther on BMs part. And, if BM doesn't like that idea, just stay in the background as far as she is concerned. That's really the best advice I can come up with.
Please any help would be great. thanks

 I will add that when BM told me in front of the judge that I am a "backseat passenger" the judge cringed. He did not particularly like that classification knowing that I was a daily provided alongside DH for over 7 years. My willingness and attempts were shoved into the ground in front of the judge and that is when he decided a GAL needed to be on the case again.

"Creativity now is as important in education as literacy, and we should treat it with the same status." -Sir Ken Robinson-

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