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my 12 yr old daughter and her stepdad do not get along, help!!

Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies

My husband has been in my daughters lifr since she was 2 yrs old and has been the only consistant father figure in her life. Her real dad has nothing to do with her and does not visit his choice, My problem is my husband and daughter never get along and I do not know what to do anymore.

<y husband is a very good father, he has 2 sons to a previous marraige and I have 2 other children that he parented differntly, THATS MY PROBLEM,  My daughter is in that tipical teenage monster stage and we agree mostly on most parenting issues but not all. 

I am  guilty of the not consistant parent, But he never bends and is always right .

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Hi, my name is... on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:18 AM
Did you guts talk about his role when u met? I ask bc my dds don't have a dad in their lives either. My dh is "dad". But they respect him and love him. Does she not respect him? Do u teach her to? I have lots and lots of talks w my dds about that.

Not saying u r doing it wrong. Just asking. And does your dh love her and show her she is "his dd?" And will always love her??
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by Hi, my name is... on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:19 AM
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by Ruby Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:20 AM
I don't know. That really sucks. My husband and my dd (12) get along great. He gets annoyed by her easier than I do but she would never know. I think he is more lenient than I am. I also don't allow my husband to discipline her or to be the bad guy. That keeps him and her from having any fall outs. He is the fun parent with her and leaves all decisions up to me.
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by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:36 AM

YYes we did my children were 12, 8 and 2 when he came into our lives, but he did not meet them untill we decided this was it. My 12 year old daughter felt like she was betraying her dad so she kept her distance and was only a suppotive ro;e with her and now he is going to be waliking her down the isle when she gets married

My son desperately needed a dad in his life and my husband was fantastic ! His love and support were invaluable and my son is a  onderful adult because of him, He really is accomplishing alot,

My daughter seems to be the lost one, The other 2 children lnew their dad and a somewhat a relationship with him  but my youngest never did, by the time she started knowing him he rejected her due to his relationship with his girlfriend, Everytime we are around people you can see she feels like she is on the outside, When she was younger she tried to be the center of attention but now she just sits and does not say anything.

Enerything my husband says to her is to correct her, There is no interaction like father and daughter or that closeness a gaughter needs, He feels as though she is disrespectfal all the time ex if he says for jer not to hang out with her brother who is 19 and his friend while they play video games she said I can see my brother , He said to come upstairs noe took away her ipad and she said I do not care and came upstairs 

so we grounded her too. I think it is ok to hang out with her brother, He did not mind either but my husband is afraid she will hear inappropriate talk. I agree with him on the back talk but not on hanging ouut with her brother, which is what started the whole mess, Her comment is he only talks to her when they say goodmorning goodnite or when she does something wrong. I am worried

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 4:32 AM

My stepdad and I did not get along when I was between the ages of 11 to 18.  Many reasons behind it, but when I was younger it was because my mom was not as "strict" as he was, and he was just annoyed by me and my brother.  My brother and I fought a lot (we are 14 months apart, it's bound to happen) and my stepdad would get pissed and flip out while my mom told us to take it in another room.  I was a little rebel (not really), but being as my stepdad had two daughters he didn't raise (let his ex-wives take them away, he never fought for custody or anything), I think he was just frustrated with dealing with A YOUNG GIRL.  

Your DH has two sons.  Boys and girls are different, and people handle children of each sex differently, depending on their personalities.  Little boys drive me f*cking crazy.  My nephew, God bless him, is 5, and is at that age where he is BEGGING to be a big boy, he is crazy and hyper, and drives me up the wall.  My niece is almost 4 and I can handle her need to be constantly entertained- because it involves brushing my hair or coloring, not chasing her around or play fighting or shooting each other with Nerf guns.  

Your DH needs to understand that, while he may disagree with how you are handling your daughter during these difficult years (ya know, periods are starting, hormones are raging, etc), you know better than HE does what is best for her, especially since YOU ARE A WOMAN.  Tell him that.  Tell him to walk away, and let you handle it.  Tell your daughter that while she may not always agree with her stepdad, she needs to respect him.  No talking back or acting out unnecessarily, etc.  If there is a problem, it can be fixed, but your DH shouldn't be trying to do the opposite of you.

by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 26, 2013 at 6:39 AM

thank you all I really appreciate it , tour imput  really made sense!!!!

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:59 AM

My dh and daughter are having the same problem. Is this the first girl he has raised. My dh got some books to help him understand a teen age girl,how to talk to them and LISTEN to them and help him be able to do the same. It has helped a lot. They are getting a long a lot better. He also does father daughter date night with her once a month,they take turns doing what each other likes. One of the books was called, Dads and daughters: how to inspire,understand and support your daughter when she is growing up so fast by Joe Kelly. Really good book.

by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:05 AM
I'm having that issue as well. They don't get along because they are so much alike and much daughter has separation issues so the only people she will let in is me and my mom. Plus she's a tween :-\...To keep the peace we have family meetings and everyone gets a chance to speak freely without being disrespectful and I am a praying mother and wife.
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this

 I would talk this over with your DH and let him know that for now, he needs to back off while she's in this precocious stage of development.

"Creativity now is as important in education as literacy, and we should treat it with the same status." -Sir Ken Robinson-

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:22 AM

Sounds like a typical teenage girl to me. Most bio-dads and bio-daughters don't get along until the girl is out of the teenage years.

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