I'm a CSM of two, who I love with all my heart. Their BM has visitation scheduled once a week (verbal arrangement, not specified in the CO), but most of the time she doesn't want to see them. My skids call us both "mom" but honestly they are emotionally closer to me. Their BM was never maternal, and of course her kids love her, but they know that their home is with me and DH. Half the time they don't even want to go to BM's anymore b/c she is constantly turning down her weekend to see them. My biggest fear is this: My DH is a police officer (the only reason I made this post anonymous btw). What if he were killed while on duty? I worry about losing him and losing my skids constantly. I know that DH has legal custody and I don't have any real legal rights to my skids if he were gone. They would automatically be handed over to the BM. I can't imagine her even wanting to take over physical custody of them if that were to ever happen, unless it were to try to get money from me. I also sit here and worry what it would do to my skids, to lose their dad and their home in one big swoop. I know I'm being paranoid, but I don't know how to get over this fear, and I don't know if anyone else can relate... Is there anyway to prepare for something like this happening, like you would a will? And what can and cannot be enforced in this situation?