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bm wants to personally "inspect" our home....Added exact phrasing of demand

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To make sure it's good enough for ss. Reasons why this is not okay with me....

A) this woman has been homeless with ss couch surfing. He has a bed here
B) this woman had been improsoned mulitple times over the period of ss's life for times spaning one night to 2 weeks. Lets go inspect that "home" she kept :)
C) Bm is prone to causig a scene and getting violent as proven by her track record. I dont want her in my home around My child.
D) Bm has kept Dad completely out of the loop of where his son his and now wants all rights to be a nosey bitch. She even went as far as lying to dh about skipping state so he couldnt see ss.

This is my vent but now I need a legit way to tell dh all these reasons so he can tell his lawyer that its going to be a big fat NO for that home inspection done by bm.



Before some of you go off on me bm and dh dont have the friednly kind of relatuonship where she can just come over to "hangout" at our house. And yes Im taking this as a personal attack on how I keep my house for my own child, who has a higher ranking in my heart. Sorry bm





Added! So Im going to copy and past the exact words her lawyer sent dh's lawyer.

"c. Mom visits dad's residence to make sure it is OK before Dad takes child to his residence."

This is after she is reguestong the max time dh get is 6 hrs a week with no over nigts after spending 3 weeks supervised. Dh has never done anything to warrant supervision or such little time. She is being unreasonable in my opinion. This is still just their proposal, nothing has been court ordored yet
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by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:09 PM
Replies (21-30):
LovingMy2x4
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:59 PM

Fuck that shit. She has no right to rummage through your home. For any reason. Tell her to call CPS if she thinks theres something awful going on there. Let them do the inspection. Then they can find nothing and she can look like an ass. 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this

No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.


Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?

Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?

Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?

Its ridiculous. Its being nosy
A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.


Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 



Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.






PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:05 PM
2 moms liked this
Yes, really. I am a BM and the only reason I can think of is someone is being nosy or looking for something wrong. Obviously if dad is a drug addict, lives in an obvious shit hole, or there is some reason that dad is nasty then BM should contact the courts or CPS or whomever to look into it, but she still doesn't have the right to go into dads house. And normal people in normal situations... No way. If SM/BD and SF/BM are friendly and everyone is invited in, that's great! But you don't get to invite yourself in and inspect someone's home just because.


Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 



Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.





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amantonacci
by Gold Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Just tell her when you get a living breathing unicorn then she can come inspect your home!!
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SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:15 PM
Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no
Quoting Rae706:

No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.



Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.




Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.








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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 if its not court ordered, FUCK no would be my reply.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe BM doesn't trust dad, they are divorced after all. BM isn't asking to come over on a regualr basis. She wants to come once, with a headsup. That gives SM and DH plenty of time to prepare, clean up, whatever. I don't see the harm in leeting her see the place once just to settle her mind. 

As for your comments about BM needing to get over BF having a home with SM, I don't think the two are related. Maybe in some situations, but I'm sure there are just as many where BM legitmately just wants to know what kind of environment her kids are in. 

I think it would be fair to let her do an "inspection" and the for dad to do his own.


Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no
Quoting Rae706:

No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.



Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.




Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.










feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:27 PM

 The thing that gets me is her record and she has the balls to request to come in MY HOME?! Uhhhmm Last I checked I've never had a domestic violence charge or 3 dui's or 2 resisting arrests or 3 Criminal Mischeif charges!!! I'm really riled up about this and I can almost tell you without a doubt in my mind if she doesn't get her way to come in and go through My shit in my house she will refuse dh time with ss like she has been! Grrrrrrrrrr I wish dh would have procreated with a sane person }=(


Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no
Quoting Rae706:

No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.

 


Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.




Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 

 



Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.

 



 

 


 


 

KarmaLives13
by New Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:28 PM

Oh HELL no.  That would not be acceptable here.

ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:28 PM
Take pictures of the house and that is all that is needed. If she pushes he issues have lawyer to appoint a 3rd party to come in a check out the house.

Our lawyer has copies if pics if our house in case it ever comes up. The courts will generally not insist on a parent 'approving' of the other parents home. Usually if it is an issue a 3rd party is appointed. Let your DH know this.
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