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bm wants to personally "inspect" our home....Added exact phrasing of demand

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To make sure it's good enough for ss. Reasons why this is not okay with me....

A) this woman has been homeless with ss couch surfing. He has a bed here
B) this woman had been improsoned mulitple times over the period of ss's life for times spaning one night to 2 weeks. Lets go inspect that "home" she kept :)
C) Bm is prone to causig a scene and getting violent as proven by her track record. I dont want her in my home around My child.
D) Bm has kept Dad completely out of the loop of where his son his and now wants all rights to be a nosey bitch. She even went as far as lying to dh about skipping state so he couldnt see ss.

This is my vent but now I need a legit way to tell dh all these reasons so he can tell his lawyer that its going to be a big fat NO for that home inspection done by bm.



Before some of you go off on me bm and dh dont have the friednly kind of relatuonship where she can just come over to "hangout" at our house. And yes Im taking this as a personal attack on how I keep my house for my own child, who has a higher ranking in my heart. Sorry bm





Added! So Im going to copy and past the exact words her lawyer sent dh's lawyer.

"c. Mom visits dad's residence to make sure it is OK before Dad takes child to his residence."

This is after she is reguestong the max time dh get is 6 hrs a week with no over nigts after spending 3 weeks supervised. Dh has never done anything to warrant supervision or such little time. She is being unreasonable in my opinion. This is still just their proposal, nothing has been court ordored yet
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:09 PM
Replies (231-239):
mommadana
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:46 PM

 Take pics and give them to your attorney showing food in the fridge and cabinets and of the living areas (bedrooms and all places).  Make sure that it's lived in not too clean.  I don't get people doing stuff like this, unless there's been an issue in the past with them.  Have them hire a third party to come into your house todo inspection.

Dana      you rock 


weddingcountdown.com

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:48 PM

Oh wow, I am surprised that you recognize that.

Quoting Rae706:

Everyone has things to work on.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Well, in other normal situations such a gesture may not be needed and it is quite acceptable, perhaps in those situation they extent good will in other ways. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, where you all have a good relationship, some of us will always have things to work on and we do the best we can.

Quoting Rae706:

I don't think my situation is normal either, that's just why I thought it was funny when you said I wouldn't understand because I've never been through anything serious with BM. I offered as a nice gesture, nothing was ever even mentioned by BM. It wasn't "needed" it was just the right thing to do. So we've worked through what most would consider a very rough situation to the point that we can invite BM over, or all sit together at SD's games, or whatever. I am not naive, I've been through a lot. As have BM and DH, and we still have a good relationship.





Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't consider two 17 year olds becoming parents a normal situation, DH had his first child when he was 29, I was 30, BM was 38 when she has her first, we were all a bit older than 17. BM lives in a house provided by DH and they know each other, so an inspection isn't needed by either parent AS NEITHER WOULD ASK, however I understand why you think in a normal situation it would be needed since you are coming from that 17 year old situation.

Quoting Rae706:

BM and DH had SD when they were 17, by the time he and I got married and settled, they really knew nothing about each other. I invited BM over, she didn't ask, and I did it purely to be nice. I thought it would be the best thing for SD. So I disagree that an "inspection" wouldn't be needed in a normal situation. I've already said that I agree about OP.






Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:54 PM
Bahahaha ditto!


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Oh wow, I am surprised that you recognize that.

Quoting Rae706:

Everyone has things to work on.





Quoting leegirl_jm:

Well, in other normal situations such a gesture may not be needed and it is quite acceptable, perhaps in those situation they extent good will in other ways. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, where you all have a good relationship, some of us will always have things to work on and we do the best we can.

Quoting Rae706:

I don't think my situation is normal either, that's just why I thought it was funny when you said I wouldn't understand because I've never been through anything serious with BM. I offered as a nice gesture, nothing was ever even mentioned by BM. It wasn't "needed" it was just the right thing to do. So we've worked through what most would consider a very rough situation to the point that we can invite BM over, or all sit together at SD's games, or whatever. I am not naive, I've been through a lot. As have BM and DH, and we still have a good relationship.








Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't consider two 17 year olds becoming parents a normal situation, DH had his first child when he was 29, I was 30, BM was 38 when she has her first, we were all a bit older than 17. BM lives in a house provided by DH and they know each other, so an inspection isn't needed by either parent AS NEITHER WOULD ASK, however I understand why you think in a normal situation it would be needed since you are coming from that 17 year old situation.

Quoting Rae706:

BM and DH had SD when they were 17, by the time he and I got married and settled, they really knew nothing about each other. I invited BM over, she didn't ask, and I did it purely to be nice. I thought it would be the best thing for SD. So I disagree that an "inspection" wouldn't be needed in a normal situation. I've already said that I agree about OP.









Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:56 PM

Lol, you were the one calling others who didn't do things your way immature and selfish or making excuses, I recognized immediately that not everyone is going to be inviting BM over to do inspections, hence why I thought you were just naive.

Quoting Rae706:

Bahahaha ditto!


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Oh wow, I am surprised that you recognize that.

Quoting Rae706:

Everyone has things to work on.





Quoting leegirl_jm:

Well, in other normal situations such a gesture may not be needed and it is quite acceptable, perhaps in those situation they extent good will in other ways. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, where you all have a good relationship, some of us will always have things to work on and we do the best we can.

Quoting Rae706:

I don't think my situation is normal either, that's just why I thought it was funny when you said I wouldn't understand because I've never been through anything serious with BM. I offered as a nice gesture, nothing was ever even mentioned by BM. It wasn't "needed" it was just the right thing to do. So we've worked through what most would consider a very rough situation to the point that we can invite BM over, or all sit together at SD's games, or whatever. I am not naive, I've been through a lot. As have BM and DH, and we still have a good relationship.








Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't consider two 17 year olds becoming parents a normal situation, DH had his first child when he was 29, I was 30, BM was 38 when she has her first, we were all a bit older than 17. BM lives in a house provided by DH and they know each other, so an inspection isn't needed by either parent AS NEITHER WOULD ASK, however I understand why you think in a normal situation it would be needed since you are coming from that 17 year old situation.

Quoting Rae706:

BM and DH had SD when they were 17, by the time he and I got married and settled, they really knew nothing about each other. I invited BM over, she didn't ask, and I did it purely to be nice. I thought it would be the best thing for SD. So I disagree that an "inspection" wouldn't be needed in a normal situation. I've already said that I agree about OP.










Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:59 PM
Um no, I was calling adults who put their own emotions before the well being of a child, selfish and immature. Said it 500 times.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Lol, you were the one calling others who didn't do things your way immature and selfish or making excuses, I recognized immediately that not everyone is going to be inviting BM over to do inspections, hence why I thought you were just naive.

Quoting Rae706:

Bahahaha ditto!





Quoting leegirl_jm:

Oh wow, I am surprised that you recognize that.

Quoting Rae706:

Everyone has things to work on.








Quoting leegirl_jm:

Well, in other normal situations such a gesture may not be needed and it is quite acceptable, perhaps in those situation they extent good will in other ways. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, where you all have a good relationship, some of us will always have things to work on and we do the best we can.

Quoting Rae706:

I don't think my situation is normal either, that's just why I thought it was funny when you said I wouldn't understand because I've never been through anything serious with BM. I offered as a nice gesture, nothing was ever even mentioned by BM. It wasn't "needed" it was just the right thing to do. So we've worked through what most would consider a very rough situation to the point that we can invite BM over, or all sit together at SD's games, or whatever. I am not naive, I've been through a lot. As have BM and DH, and we still have a good relationship.











Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't consider two 17 year olds becoming parents a normal situation, DH had his first child when he was 29, I was 30, BM was 38 when she has her first, we were all a bit older than 17. BM lives in a house provided by DH and they know each other, so an inspection isn't needed by either parent AS NEITHER WOULD ASK, however I understand why you think in a normal situation it would be needed since you are coming from that 17 year old situation.

Quoting Rae706:

BM and DH had SD when they were 17, by the time he and I got married and settled, they really knew nothing about each other. I invited BM over, she didn't ask, and I did it purely to be nice. I thought it would be the best thing for SD. So I disagree that an "inspection" wouldn't be needed in a normal situation. I've already said that I agree about OP.














Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 3:16 PM

Well the OP spoke to specific issues not emotions, I don't see this as a matter of emotions and the well being of a child, if a home is unsafe, action must be taken, that is a given. The need for an inspection in normal circumstances is an emotional and selfish need by a parent and a valid one so I don't believe in dismissing the emotions of adults. However, a judge would dismiss that parental request based on the law and in consideration of the rights of others.


Quoting Rae706:

Um no, I was calling adults who put their own emotions before the well being of a child, selfish and immature. Said it 500 times.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:54 PM
Yes well again, I agreed with OP's stance so I'm not sure why that keeps coming up. I was referring to some situations where the adults choose to go the route of making things difficult or not being accommodating of the other parent because of their own issues or feelings. A denied home "inspection" could easily fall under that category in my opinion.


Quoting leegirl_jm:Well the OP spoke to specific issues not emotions, I don't see this as a matter of emotions and the well being of a child, if a home is unsafe, action must be taken, that is a given. The need for an inspection in normal circumstances is an emotional and selfish need by a parent and a valid one so I don't believe in dismissing the emotions of adults. However, a judge would dismiss that parental request based on the law and in consideration of the rights of others.Quoting Rae706:Um no, I was calling adults who put their own emotions before the well being of a child, selfish and immature. Said it 500 times.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:12 PM

I wouldn't call those situations normal, obviously there are other issues.

Quoting Rae706:

Yes well again, I agreed with OP's stance so I'm not sure why that keeps coming up. I was referring to some situations where the adults choose to go the route of making things difficult or not being accommodating of the other parent because of their own issues or feelings. A denied home "inspection" could easily fall under that category in my opinion.


Quoting leegirl_jm:Well the OP spoke to specific issues not emotions, I don't see this as a matter of emotions and the well being of a child, if a home is unsafe, action must be taken, that is a given. The need for an inspection in normal circumstances is an emotional and selfish need by a parent and a valid one so I don't believe in dismissing the emotions of adults. However, a judge would dismiss that parental request based on the law and in consideration of the rights of others.Quoting Rae706:Um no, I was calling adults who put their own emotions before the well being of a child, selfish and immature. Said it 500 times.


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:32 PM
I see it all over these boards, that level if immaturity is very prevalent. BM's do it, SM's do it, BF's do it, it's ridiculous.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

I wouldn't call those situations normal, obviously there are other issues.

Quoting Rae706:

Yes well again, I agreed with OP's stance so I'm not sure why that keeps coming up. I was referring to some situations where the adults choose to go the route of making things difficult or not being accommodating of the other parent because of their own issues or feelings. A denied home "inspection" could easily fall under that category in my opinion.





Quoting leegirl_jm:Well the OP spoke to specific issues not emotions, I don't see this as a matter of emotions and the well being of a child, if a home is unsafe, action must be taken, that is a given. The need for an inspection in normal circumstances is an emotional and selfish need by a parent and a valid one so I don't believe in dismissing the emotions of adults. However, a judge would dismiss that parental request based on the law and in consideration of the rights of others.Quoting Rae706:Um no, I was calling adults who put their own emotions before the well being of a child, selfish and immature. Said it 500 times.





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