Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

bm wants to personally "inspect" our home....Added exact phrasing of demand

Posted by   + Show Post
To make sure it's good enough for ss. Reasons why this is not okay with me....

A) this woman has been homeless with ss couch surfing. He has a bed here
B) this woman had been improsoned mulitple times over the period of ss's life for times spaning one night to 2 weeks. Lets go inspect that "home" she kept :)
C) Bm is prone to causig a scene and getting violent as proven by her track record. I dont want her in my home around My child.
D) Bm has kept Dad completely out of the loop of where his son his and now wants all rights to be a nosey bitch. She even went as far as lying to dh about skipping state so he couldnt see ss.

This is my vent but now I need a legit way to tell dh all these reasons so he can tell his lawyer that its going to be a big fat NO for that home inspection done by bm.



Before some of you go off on me bm and dh dont have the friednly kind of relatuonship where she can just come over to "hangout" at our house. And yes Im taking this as a personal attack on how I keep my house for my own child, who has a higher ranking in my heart. Sorry bm





Added! So Im going to copy and past the exact words her lawyer sent dh's lawyer.

"c. Mom visits dad's residence to make sure it is OK before Dad takes child to his residence."

This is after she is reguestong the max time dh get is 6 hrs a week with no over nigts after spending 3 weeks supervised. Dh has never done anything to warrant supervision or such little time. She is being unreasonable in my opinion. This is still just their proposal, nothing has been court ordored yet
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:09 PM
Replies (41-50):
FoodIsLife
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:42 PM

Aw hell nah

SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:51 PM
If you have to, have your lawyer stand there too.
Tell her too
If she wants to stop by it will be when youre are all ready. Tell her you are busy and cannot do it now, but will give her a future date and your lawyer will be present.

What is her actual reason for wanting to be so nosy?

If any room she should be inspecting would be the childs room and thats it. Close all doors to other rooms
And i would also have her stop by when the child is not there in case it gets out of hand and you need to throw her out.
Let her come through the door and straight to the kids room only and lead her back to the front door. Open it so she gets the message.

But I would still tell her no.

Hate women who hold the kids against the father because they cant get their spoiled childish ways.
Quoting feliciasmith:

 The thing that gets me is her record and she has the balls to request to come in MY HOME?! Uhhhmm Last I checked I've never had a domestic violence charge or 3 dui's or 2 resisting arrests or 3 Criminal Mischeif charges!!! I'm really riled up about this and I can almost tell you without a doubt in my mind if she doesn't get her way to come in and go through My shit in my house she will refuse dh time with ss like she has been! Grrrrrrrrrr I wish dh would have procreated with a sane person }=(




Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no

Quoting Rae706:


No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.


 



Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.





Quoting Rae706:


Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 


 




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.

 




 


 



 




 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CountryStrong84
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:51 PM
I would let her in. wouldn't you want to know that where your kids are going is safe?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Rae706
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:53 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty friendly with BM, but dinner is pushing it even for me. LOL


Quoting feliciasmith:

 I would consider it also, But bm is a bitch and lies and is violent and can kiss my ass =]


Seriously though if dh and bm were on polite terms I'd let her have a walk through the living room to the kids room and maybe invite her to stay for dinner.  Even though it's completely unnecessary


Quoting Rae706:

BM and DH were never married either and I understand in your situation. I probably wouldn't let BM in my house either, although I would cosider it. I agree that she has no right to tell you how to keep your home, to an extent. I wouldn't want my child living in filth, anything further is none of her business. 


Quoting feliciasmith:

 I know it's irrelevant but they were Never married. And it's Dad that doesn't trust Mom here, it's tough shit though either way. She has no right to tell us how to keep our home.


Quoting Rae706:

Maybe BM doesn't trust dad, they are divorced after all. BM isn't asking to come over on a regualr basis. She wants to come once, with a headsup. That gives SM and DH plenty of time to prepare, clean up, whatever. I don't see the harm in leeting her see the place once just to settle her mind. 

As for your comments about BM needing to get over BF having a home with SM, I don't think the two are related. Maybe in some situations, but I'm sure there are just as many where BM legitmately just wants to know what kind of environment her kids are in. 

I think it would be fair to let her do an "inspection" and the for dad to do his own.


Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no
Quoting Rae706:

No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.



Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.




Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.


















feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Its just not going to happen until she can be friendlier. She's a control freak!! She's told everyone who will listen (dhs lawyer included) that ss is Hers and dh cant have him or talk to him. She has withheld ss for 2 solid months and many months more before that. She's mean and vindictive


Quoting SnapIt:

If you have to, have your lawyer stand there too.
Tell her too
If she wants to stop by it will be when youre are all ready. Tell her you are busy and cannot do it now, but will give her a future date and your lawyer will be present.

What is her actual reason for wanting to be so nosy?

If any room she should be inspecting would be the childs room and thats it. Close all doors to other rooms
And i would also have her stop by when the child is not there in case it gets out of hand and you need to throw her out.
Let her come through the door and straight to the kids room only and lead her back to the front door. Open it so she gets the message.

But I would still tell her no.

Hate women who hold the kids against the father because they cant get their spoiled childish ways.
Quoting feliciasmith:

 The thing that gets me is her record and she has the balls to request to come in MY HOME?! Uhhhmm Last I checked I've never had a domestic violence charge or 3 dui's or 2 resisting arrests or 3 Criminal Mischeif charges!!! I'm really riled up about this and I can almost tell you without a doubt in my mind if she doesn't get her way to come in and go through My shit in my house she will refuse dh time with ss like she has been! Grrrrrrrrrr I wish dh would have procreated with a sane person }=(




Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no

Quoting Rae706:


No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.


 



Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.





Quoting Rae706:


Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 


 




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.

 




 


 



 




 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:12 PM
Im sure the no trust would be only on her part in being a mother
The heads up shouldnt be on her terms either. It should if and when the father lets her know
Nerve to invite yourself to a home that is not yours.
It doesnt matter if the child lives there.
And im sure it has nothing to do with giving time to clean up,
Its about being force to do something within your own home. Its disrespectful on the mothers part

When you are no longer together with the childs mother/father and they have moved on with someone else, the other needs to take a step back and realize they are living a different life with a new partner and if they are living together there are boundaries.

Even if both parents are still together, would it be ok to have another family member or better yet an ex come back into their lives from out of the blue and let them inspect the home?
I think not. Just because there is a child involved does not give the other parent a free pass to walk into the other parents home to inspect.
Its time to cut that controlling rope and trust that the child will be taken care of if there was no reason before to worry about.

Again
Controlling someone elses life that you no longer share, is immature and childish.
Gosh
Is life that boring that she feels the need to go inspect her ex husband home?
Is he an adult or a child? Does he REALLY need the ok of his ex wife?
Who is the one with the problem?
She should only be concerned of the child went back and said something was going on within the home or they were in harms way or something negative and unless that happens, she has no right to have to go inspect.
Again her ass is just being nosy
Quoting Rae706:

Maybe BM doesn't trust dad, they are divorced after all. BM isn't asking to come over on a regualr basis. She wants to come once, with a headsup. That gives SM and DH plenty of time to prepare, clean up, whatever. I don't see the harm in leeting her see the place once just to settle her mind. 

As for your comments about BM needing to get over BF having a home with SM, I don't think the two are related. Maybe in some situations, but I'm sure there are just as many where BM legitmately just wants to know what kind of environment her kids are in. 

I think it would be fair to let her do an "inspection" and the for dad to do his own.



Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no
Quoting Rae706:

No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.



Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.




Quoting Rae706:

Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.











Posted on CafeMom Mobile
laughnchica
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:17 PM

I still say tell her hell to the no and if she is truly "worried" or whatever, she can call for a welfare check. After everything, she wouldn't allowed to step a toe into my house. That is just ridiculous. That is beyond being a control freak...

Quoting feliciasmith:

Its just not going to happen until she can be friendlier. She's a control freak!! She's told everyone who will listen (dhs lawyer included) that ss is Hers and dh cant have him or talk to him. She has withheld ss for 2 solid months and many months more before that. She's mean and vindictive


Quoting SnapIt:

If you have to, have your lawyer stand there too.
Tell her too
If she wants to stop by it will be when youre are all ready. Tell her you are busy and cannot do it now, but will give her a future date and your lawyer will be present.

What is her actual reason for wanting to be so nosy?

If any room she should be inspecting would be the childs room and thats it. Close all doors to other rooms
And i would also have her stop by when the child is not there in case it gets out of hand and you need to throw her out.
Let her come through the door and straight to the kids room only and lead her back to the front door. Open it so she gets the message.

But I would still tell her no.

Hate women who hold the kids against the father because they cant get their spoiled childish ways.
Quoting feliciasmith:

 The thing that gets me is her record and she has the balls to request to come in MY HOME?! Uhhhmm Last I checked I've never had a domestic violence charge or 3 dui's or 2 resisting arrests or 3 Criminal Mischeif charges!!! I'm really riled up about this and I can almost tell you without a doubt in my mind if she doesn't get her way to come in and go through My shit in my house she will refuse dh time with ss like she has been! Grrrrrrrrrr I wish dh would have procreated with a sane person }=(




Quoting SnapIt:

Thats not trusting the father and its truly being controlling over a household thats not BMs

She should trust that the child will be cared for properly. All she needs to know is if the child has a room and a bed. There is no reason for a mother to check out the home of the father
She lives in her place and thats her place to judge.
Its also disrespectful to the wife or SO of the father
Thats crossing her domain.
That is a great reason on why a mother shouldnt be inspecting.

Again, its all about being controlling and being nosy
Shes just has to get over the fact that her home life with the father has ended.

She can always wait to be invited but to step up and want to, is childish and immature.
If the childs life is not in danger to her knowledge, go visit a neighbor or family member.

What does she want to inspect for? To complain what father doesnt have/supplying in the kids room. What color the walls are? What kind of bed is the kid sleeping on? Not child proofed enough? Not enough lighting? Stairs are dangerous?
Gmab

Whos house is it? Hers?
Uh no

Quoting Rae706:


No, but I didn't have SD with DH. BM did. I don't think the request, in a normal sitch, is crazy at all. Seems legit.





Quoting SnapIt:

Did anyone inspect your home when you had kids with him?



Did you get an ok that it was a good enough place to raise your child?



Who inspected your home when you brought home your baby?



Its ridiculous. Its being nosy

A mother doesnt have to go to the fathers house to inspect or to have a say if its good enough. She doesnt control daddy anymore or his life and mommy is going to have to get over it.





Quoting Rae706:


Really? I mean I get that there are extenuating circumstances in this specific situation, but in a normal situation, you couldn't understand a BM wanting to know where and what conditions her child was in? 






Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

A flat out NO would be my answer. There doesn't even need to be a "good" reason. People don't have the right to invade someone's home because they want to.

















QueenBof6
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:18 PM
No way.

I wouldn't even bother to listen to her reasons
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Pero2
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:29 PM

Friendly or not, unless a BP has justified cause for an inspection (e.g. the child comes home with injuries or rashes or similar), no BP has the right to inspect the other home.

BF knows my downstairs, because he once sat in on a violin lesson. He never asked to see the upstairs, and I never offered. I have never been inside his house (actually houses, since he has lived in two since our separation), never asked, and I would decline if I was invited in.

natalieumphrey
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:32 PM

in my opinion... That's why I'm wifey.... games are for silly girls

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)