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Always something! Damn!

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Its BM's weekend coming up and she's already called DH to pawn SD16 off on us again.  She "may have to work" is what she said.  Conveniently, SD wants to visit a college campus on Saturday 3hrs away.  Her coach called for practice  & fundraising for Saturday too (since Easter is on Sunday.)  That would mean that BM would have to spend the whole day with her own daughter doing what SHE needs - not what BM wants to do.  Solution:  call DH.

Last weekend, we pulled our weight; did all the transporting, fundraising, talent showing, raffling, car washing (you get the picture) and BM not ONCE showed her face.  We even squeezed a family BBQ & party in there too.  So, SD's upcoming competition money (bus, hotel, spending cash) is pretty much a done-deal, thanks to our busy, INVOLVED weekend. 

Now that its BM's turn and she found out what's necessary, all of a sudden, she may "have to work."  Gimme a break, lady!  DH had to work last weekend too...but he MADE time by tag-teaming and rotating with me.  For once, I want her to get involved (and not just when she fears SD & I are too close) and STAY involved in her daughter's world.  She has relatives, a steady boyfriend etc. that she can ask.  WHY call DH for every little fucking thing?!  This isn't an emergency.  Its cheerleading practice & a college visit for crying out loud!

Its YOUR weekend lady.  This is the schedule that YOU put together.  We've done our part, DO YOURS!  Dayummmmmm!

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Replies (11-18):
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Kids need someone they can depend on and having that security for a child is huge.  Maybe at times being a parent is a thankless job for all we do for our kids but when these kids grow up and are successful we look back on the tougher timers and feel good about the part we played in helping them get there.   If the BM was one who split the scene all the responsibility would fall back on you and your DH only all the time with no breaks.  (speaking from when I was a single mom).   You cant control anyone else and its not even worth getting upset for.. you can only control what you do and should feel good about all you do for your SD.  Sounds like a good kid and deserves to be supported in her activities.

notsowicked11
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 8:23 AM



Quoting LovingMy2x4:

One day your SD is going to look back and know who was there for her and who wasnt. Your SD will be very thankful to have had you and DH. 

this what my thoughts exactly as I was reading this. mom may not be doing what she needs to do but thank God dad is willing to. I can imagine how frustrating it can be, because things like this may interfere with yours and dad's schedule, but SD is almost grown and she will remember who was ultimately there for her. 


Butterfly1108
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 2:42 AM

What does hubby say of all this?

What you are just saying to us...why doesn't he say this to her?

Mommyof5247
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:25 PM
I'd take pity on BM for missing out & feel proud that I get to be there to support SD.
When I quit expecting "normal" behavior from BM, I'm not as disappointed or surprised when she drops the ball or does something ridiculous (still completely floored by how she manages to avoid her obligations though-cs, court ordered stuff).

Be honored for the chance to do those things for your SD.
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packermomof2
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:34 PM
I'm the only parent who does anything. I don't mind doing everything. You might, but you're not the parent so that is understandable. But dad shouldn't look at it like "it's hhhhheeeerrrrr turn, I already did it!!" if he does. Mom doesn't do it, he picks up her slack.
1SpaZZedMom
by Librarian on Mar. 30, 2013 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

 tiredmama said it great!

Since BM isn't willing to pull her weight, in all honesty, it does fall on DH to assist SD with these activities. I can understand the frustration, especially if you have plans for Easter weekend. (Mine include feeling better, doing school work, and a gathering at my bff's house.) If my SKs were coming, that would just make it better! We haven't seen them for 11 months!!!

You are blessed to have another child actively involved in your life to care for and assist in raising. She will look back one day, perhaps even several times, and be proud of her dad and SM for helping out when BM didn't/couldn't/wouldn't. Hell, going to a college at 16... that was not something I planned at her age. I wish I did. I'm in my 30's and in school - finally!

Look at the blessings of being there for SD. Looking at it as being a back-up for BM will only anger you and possibly bring a ton of bitterness in your life. Do you want to be an angry/bitter person? I don't think you do.

Quoting tiredmama42:

Kids need someone they can depend on and having that security for a child is huge.  Maybe at times being a parent is a thankless job for all we do for our kids but when these kids grow up and are successful we look back on the tougher timers and feel good about the part we played in helping them get there.   If the BM was one who split the scene all the responsibility would fall back on you and your DH only all the time with no breaks.  (speaking from when I was a single mom).   You cant control anyone else and its not even worth getting upset for.. you can only control what you do and should feel good about all you do for your SD.  Sounds like a good kid and deserves to be supported in her activities.

 

"Creativity now is as important in education as literacy, and we should treat it with the same status." -Sir Ken Robinson-

Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Call her and tell her exactly what you just wrote us on this forum.  She deserves to hear this.

WorkingOT
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 1:58 PM

Heyyy ladies, I'm just now reading through all of these comments.  Thanks!  Turns out, BM took SD to the college!  Conveniently, it came about AFTER I had told DH that I'd take SD myself if BM had to work.  They went, SD had us on the phone the entire time giving us blow-by-blow details of the campus, programs, dorms etc. I just don't think BM wanted ME to take her. 

Last night, BM called DH to ask for a "tank full of gas" to offset her expenses of taking SD on this visit on HER weekend.  I laughed from a good healthy place...simply because DH hung up the phone immediately.

Here's the deal:  BM calls DH for every little thing (and EVERYTHING is an emergency in her opinion), then if/when I volunteer to solve it (with my time, money, car etc.), then suddenly its no longer an issue.  This has happened with insurance, cheerleading costs, trips like this one and SO SO SO much more.

SD has 2 out of state competitions coming up this weekend and next.  Prom is right after that.  BM flatout told us, SD & the coaches to not ask her for a red cent (but she will help with prom).  Therefore, SD has been raising funds, and we've agreed (secretly) to make up whatever amount she needs.  So for her to ask DH for GAS MONEY when we are basically footing the bill for SD to go on TWO trips (hotel, bus, competition fees, food, petty cash etc.) is malarkey, as Joe Biden would say:)  As I stated in my post, we've been washing cars, selling raffle tickets and getting SD back & forth to practices etc...and she wants some fucking GAS MONEY!  Fuck outta here, lady! 

We're going to keep on doing what we've been doing.  We sleep very well at night. 

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