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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Stepmom Wedding Stress

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 70 Replies

Need some advice.  My step-daughter that I raised since she was 8 is getting married.  I asked her what I should wear thinking that I would have a mothers dress and she replied just a cute sundress.  My husband (her dad) will be in a tux and the rest of my children are all in the wedding.  I think she is downgrading me out of the wedding.  I had planned on paying for  many things for the wedding but now wonder if I should be paying for anything at all.  Guess my feelings are a little hurt.  Her real mom lives hundreds of miles away and has never been much in her life but will be here for the wedding. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:20 AM

I hope you have a daughter of your own so you can be the mother of the bride at a wedding. It is her wedding, I wouldn't pay for anything concerning the wedding and I would wear a dress I considered appropriate, but not a mother's dress and I wouldn't allow my children to be a part of the wedding but let her have the wedding she wants.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM
3 moms liked this
It's her wedding. Let her have it her way. But I would not pay for anything.
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thatislife
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM
1 mom liked this

There is no need for you to pay for anything.  Just wear a cute dress you feel good in and show up as any ordinary guest would.  Ordinary guests typically don't pay to finance the wedding.  She should have no issue with this.

packermomof2
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:40 AM
2 moms liked this

So, since she doesn't want to treat you like her mother you are questioning paying.  Now, I'm not saying it is your responsibility to pay, but real moms don't back out of things when they don't get their way.  You are putting stipulations on the gift.  You owe her nothing here, but she doesn't have to treat you as her mother.

thatislife
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:44 AM
2 moms liked this

 

'real' moms and dads very much do choose to not finance choices of their grown children that they do not agree with, it actually is a very positive parenting trait. 

Quoting packermomof2:

So, since she doesn't want to treat you like her mother you are questioning paying.  Now, I'm not saying it is your responsibility to pay, but real moms don't back out of things when they don't get their way.  You are putting stipulations on the gift.  You owe her nothing here, but she doesn't have to treat you as her mother.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:47 AM

 

I'm just confused on my role.  I raised her, she lived with us.  I consider her my daughter so had just planned on spending a considerable about of money on the wedding because I thought I was an important person in her life as well.  It seems like shes telling me I'm really not that important and if I"m not important then I don't want to throw my check out for a bunch of expenses. 

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:49 AM

Maybe she just wants you comfortable and to not pay more than you already are.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Does being cute instead of fancy make you less important?

is the wedding outdoors?

Quoting Anonymous:


I'm just confused on my role.  I raised her, she lived with us.  I consider her my daughter so had just planned on spending a considerable about of money on the wedding because I thought I was an important person in her life as well.  It seems like shes telling me I'm really not that important and if I"m not important then I don't want to throw my check out for a bunch of expenses. 


packermomof2
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:53 AM



Quoting thatislife:


'real' moms and dads very much do choose to not finance choices of their grown children that they do not agree with, it actually is a very positive parenting trait.



Good think the real mom will be there and SM won't have to finance anything.


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Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:09 AM

It is outdoors but with formal attire.  The reception is at my house.

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