Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should SS responsibilities when he is with us?

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:05 AM
  • 39 Replies

We have my SO's 9 (almost 10 yo) Son every other weekend sometimes a lot more, especially recently after his mother just has a new baby. 

When he is here he has NO chores, no responsibilities, NOTHING even though I have begged his father to help and have him help. He eats breakfast /lunch/dinner, pulls his chair away and back to the couch he goes with no much as a thanks for dinner.

I've suggested for going on 5 years that he should have chores, making his bed, straighten his bathroom, bring laundry down ANYTHING to teach some responsibility.  But his father refuses to make him help. They make a huge mess and just expect me to clean it all.


My question is this... Do you guys have rules about chores and schedules. His dad feels that because he only has him on the weekends that he shouldn't have to clean at all.

I think it's good for him to learn to help and take care of himself too. But I'm the bad guy apparently for  wanting help and I'm not a maid for shits sake! 


Any advice is greatly appreciated!



by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:05 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Sondi7
by Sondra on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:10 AM
1 mom liked this

Not so much 'chores' but expectations. He picks up his toys, makes his bed (as best as a 3 yo can), and just picks up after himself.  He also has to put his dirty clothes in his laundry basket. My SS is only 3, I think it is good for them to pick up after themselves and have some responsibilities. We do follow a schedule. It makes life easier for everyone in the household.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:11 AM
7 moms liked this
It doesn't sound like Dad wants him to do any chores so you are stuck. If you need help with chores, assign them to your husband, so either he does the chores himself or he would give some of them to his child to do.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ejsmom4604
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:12 AM
7 moms liked this

Stop pushing DH to force this. If he isn't then he isn't. What you CAN do, is tell DH it's fine if he doesn't want to give SS chores, however DH is the one responsible for cleaning up after him. Any messes, dirty rooms, laundry etc, DH needs to take care of. Just clean up after yourself (and any bio-kids you have if you do). Don't go above and beyond what you would normally do when SS isn't there. 

weaveress
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:13 AM
2 moms liked this

my kids all have the same rules and responsibilities. They make their beds, clean their rooms, do their own laundry, pick up the playroom and living room, they vacuum, sweep and mop the living room, put groceries away, clean out the cars, they put their dishes in the dishwasher.  

My kids are 12,9,3. I started them with chores when they were 2.  We are suppose to have SD more than EOW, but Dh's school schedule has screwed that up. So the extra days are sporadic. We have her all winter break, and half of the summer. 

Kids need responsibility. Stop cleaning up see what happens.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:17 AM
5 moms liked this



Quoting Deedeeleigh:

His dad feels that because he only has him on the weekends that he shouldn't have to clean at all.

I have no issue with this. It makes sense. but, your boyfriend should then clean up after his own son. Why are you doing it?


Derdriu
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:22 AM
3 moms liked this
They expect you to clean it all because you do. So quit. If your SO doesn't want SS to stress himself over a very minor chore, then he can do the clean up himself.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:22 AM
3 moms liked this

My skids are here just on weekends.

Everyone in responsible for picking up after themselves regardless of how much they are here. My skids are pretty good in this area. 

If my dh didn't agree with ths he'd be doing everything for his kids as I am not a maid. 

Bella14308
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:27 AM
1 mom liked this
My xh's son (who was 3 at the time) had to help make his bed, clean up his toys, put his dishes in the sink, put his dirty clothes in the hamper.

so yes even step children should have responsibilities.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ramita
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:41 AM
1 mom liked this
When we had SS every other weekend he didn't have chores, but he was expected to clean up after himself. If he played with a toy he needed to pick it up. If he ate he put his plate/bowl on the counter. At this point in time there's probably.not much you can say or do to get your DH to change in order for your SS to clean up after himself. I think talking to him one more time about how overwhelmed you can get and how it would be nice if SS just picked up after himself. If DH still says SS doesn't need to then you have two options suck it up and clean it or just stop doing while SS is there and for a few days afterward until DH decides to do something.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Deedeeleigh
by New Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:53 AM

Thank you guys! For the most part i try to leave some stuff to see if it bugs him enough to do it or ask SS to do so. But if its food on the table left out it will drive me nuts! I'm sort of a neat freak and I get so overwhelmed at the lack of desire to have a clean area on both his dad and his part. I'm thinking of maybe of offering some incentive for everyone to pitch in and help. I try to make it fun and we can all straighten up together but the laziness gets the best of them and I suppose it's my fault for just giving in and picking up after them. 


Thanks again for ALL of your responses! I feel a lot better now. : ) 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured