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Respect

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:35 AM
  • 13 Replies
How do you teach kids to have respect for ALL adults? My skids 7,5,&4 have such smart mouths and are very disrespectful of their elders. For instance, DH can get onto ss5 and he will yell at DH. DH has done everything he knows to do from wearing his little butt out to time out and it continues to happen. Now he's got to the point that he will say he's telling his mommy on DH. DH just says ok tell her and calls her and hands him the phone. I don't know if BM allows them to disrespect her like that or what but I know it's just going to get way way worse if something isn't done NOW. They aren't even teenagers yet and they already have mouths. I don't understand what is wrong with kids these days. I NEVER talked to my mom like that. If I ever did she would've slapped me across the face actually the one time I did back talk I got smacked in the face. I remembered it too and it only happened once.
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by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:14 AM

Maybe your husband should look into taking a parenting class?

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:05 AM

Seriously if my skids dared to yell at their father, they get popped for it.

singlemom416
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

If my child did that they would lose every thing.I would clean out their room,no toys,no,t.v,no playing outside,they could just sit in their room and stare at the wall. Have you thought about putting up a behaviour chart. If they are respectful they earn stars and when they get enough stars they can get a small prize,when disrespectful they have to pick a punishment that you two come up with? Its hard but you need to find out what works for them.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:04 AM

Parenting class?  Counseling?

Having a behavior chart can be effective with kids at that age.  They use them in school a lot.

But first the kids have to know what the expectations are.  

LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:19 AM
Set clear expectations. Maybe make a list of rules such as,"use kind words." Sd's therapist said rules should have a positive note. Dh should talk to bm about this and find out if she has the same problem in her home. Try a behavior chart and some type of reward/consequence system. We have tried many and they didn't work with my SD but all kids are different. Ds4 is getting a mouth on him. He spends some time in the corner and I take the TV or his fave toy for a little while. I make sure that I use manners when speaking to them, please, thank you, you're welcome.

The younger kids will pick it up from the older kids. My ds1 does everything ds4 does, ds4 pucks things up from sd10.
You could try counseling or a parenting class. They are helpful and will provide techniques. It will take time though. Things won't change over night. I notice the more I lose my cool and raise my voice, the kids tend to do the same. Good luck.
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mypitusadoll
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:24 AM

I believe that when a parent wants to see their children behave properly, that's a great start. You are in the right place! It will take commitment on your part to see these changes in your children but hey are possible. I want to recommend two books from well known authors that deal with discipline: 1)You Can't Make Me, (But I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Tobias, 2)Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. I think these books can help with the process. Hang in there! You are on the right track to correct the behavior. I will be praying for you!

FoodIsLife
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:56 AM

They are learning it from somewhere and it isn't being corrected. We had the problem with SD for a while and could stop it if we had her for at least 2 days but then 2 weeks later when she came back we started all over. Summer was great because it was only ugly for the first week and then smooth sailing for 2 months.

We have her full time now and have absolutly no problems with respect and adults (with children is another sitch). We are complimented constantly on her manners and behavior. You just have to NEVER give in, learn to compromise when its needed, and just drill in the behavior. Make sure you are treating them with respect as well and they see you being the same with other adults.

FoodIsLife
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:59 AM


This. I love this. When we have problems with SD we find a book about it. It helps reinforce the idea on a different level. SD had to start wearing glasses full time so we found some books about princesses who wore glasses (her teacher mentioned to her she knew a princess who wore glasses)...it helped her so much with feeling confident about wearing them to school.

Quoting mypitusadoll:

I believe that when a parent wants to see their children behave properly, that's a great start. You are in the right place! It will take commitment on your part to see these changes in your children but hey are possible. I want to recommend two books from well known authors that deal with discipline: 1)You Can't Make Me, (But I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Tobias, 2)Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. I think these books can help with the process. Hang in there! You are on the right track to correct the behavior. I will be praying for you!



mom-o-7
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:22 PM

I've noticed that I was raised differently than my dh.  My MIL and FIL both are very disrespectful to each other to start with, my sk's have always disrespected my husband and my BIL's son is very disrespectful to my BIL and his wife.  My skid's are also disrespectful to my MIL and FIL.  It seems to have started a long time ago and is just accepted on my husband's side of the family.  The kids are very disrespectful to the adults and no one says much.  Its just the "family name" attitude, I've heard a thousand times!  It makes me sick though.  It's always been an issue and continues to be, but I should say it has gotten alot better.  Since my sk's have been with me, they have better manners, but they still have the influence of their cousin and my inlaws, so that makes it difficult when they have spent time with them.  They are a mess when they come back.  So i believe, its all about how they are raised and who they are around alot.  My ss acts alot like my MIL because he stays there alot.  I have told my dh a million times not to let him go as much.  Maybe one day it will sink in...

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:42 PM

I think a lot of it has to do with the adult they're around.  Is your DH respectful to you with how he says things?  Are you to him?  What about BM (and SF, if there is one)?  Kids are more apt to be smart-mouthed when they see adults behave that way.  On the other hand, 5 is a tough age.  It was the worst age with SS and his mouth and temper... although 13 is certainly proving challenging with SD. 

Other than that, I think you just have to be consistent and follow through on any warned consequences.  I love that you DH handed your SS the phone, lol.  Obviously, your SS feels some ability to play one parent off the other, but as long as it keeps backfiring on him, he'll eventually start to get the memo. 

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