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clash in parenting styles

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
So do you and your husband have the same parenting style? His daughter is 11. My husband is very liberal once removed and doesn't parent well. He has an unruley child with no boundaries or rules. Allows her to freely express herself and make rules even for other adults. She tells and orders him me and others. She walks up to strangers and asks them for change or in resturants tells them to do things. When she is talking she tells him to be quiet and not interupt her that she is talking. She left our home and chooses to live with mom only comes over if he takes her somewhere or to play xbox. she walks all over him and its hard to watch and sometimes embarrassing. Her behavior or lack of often bothers are household. She recently told him she wants him to herself and he allows her to tell me when I can and can not come with them places. When she goes out with us he holds her hand and walks ahead of me and my kids. When he sits on the couch he puts his arm around her and holds her hand and I am usually not allowed to sit by him. She is trying to divide our family of 5. ...I am a strict well balanced parent to my kids 13 and 16. Life is smooth and drama free until she calls or comes over and I need help coping with a 11 yr old ruling my liife at times.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:25 AM
Replies (41-44):
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Permissive parenting happens it just so happens that my husband is onee that is permissive. He has a strong child and wants to please her and fears her and sometiimes detest her. I am a experienced parent of threee one grown and two more almost grown. There good kids and I have been a dedicated mom. I was also married 20 yrs so I am not new to families or parenting or to what normal father daughter relationships look like. This is not about one on one time isolated visitation or seperation of family. This is about a wild child who is rude tells adults has no respect and has anixety issues. She manipulates and lies when needed. I need suggestions from experienced STEP MOTHERS on ways they have helped their husbands guide their children and make a drama free happy house. She is coming over again this Friday.
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 4:55 PM
There's no excuses for letting a child dictate the goings on in a home. Her father is not doing her any favors by allowing disrespectful behavior. He needs to step up, so the two of you can provide a structured stable home with expectations of behavior and consequences for unacceptable behavior.
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by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this

OMG, my SD acts the exact same way in our home and with her dad.  The first night she is back, I grab a bottle of wine and retreat to my bedroom.  This way, she has BD's undivided attention.  I have told her when she is with us she has to abide by all the rules we set for all the kids.  I have spoken to her individually and told her she also has to respect me.  When she breaks the rules BD and I decide on the consequences and he gets to tell her but, she knows we made them together.  The holding hands, sitting on the couch together, walking between us, etc. has slowed down a bit.  When she was 9-11 years old, it was the worse!  She is now 13 and spends alot of time in her room chatting with friends, ipad, .. which she chooses to do.  So....there is hope!!!

by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:15 PM

Yes! i am going to take him to my therapist, maybe I can have her tell him. 

He does not understand that he is permissive he just doesnt know how to parent. 

I am becoming the third wheel now when I say anything, he is stubborn and feels

threatened. He needs to give her boundaries sooooooooooooooooooo bad,. 

I think she has been like a surrogant wife "mini wife the last two years" and its 

confusing her. We need to confront this together with him carrying through discipline. 

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