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Step parent visitation

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Went to a family dinner at SOs family yesterday. His cousin, and all the family actually, was vocally complaining that she was not allowed to have her SD for Easter dinner. Her SO is a long haul truck driver. They all slammed BM, saying how awful it was of her to deprive SD of her family and that they could have easily accommodated to allow her to be there. BM was having their dinner at 12, SMs was at 2.
I think I was the only one to disagree. Besides my issues with SOs family expecting everyone to accomodate them at every holiday (noone else really has a 2nd side of the family except me) I couldn't imagine feeling that way about BM. It wasnt dads weekend, it was Easter Dinner and Dad wasn't around. BM owes noone visitation.

In the car, I brought it up to SO because he is considering rotational fly in work. He asked how I'd feel if it was me and SS. I told him, quite honestly, that BM does not have to give me visitation nor will I expect it. Knowing what happened last time, I wouldn't be surprised but I definitely wouldnt pitch a fit if I didn't get my way when dad WASN'T around.

Does anyone get step parent visitation? Any thoughts on the matter?
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by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:42 AM
Replies (21-30):
lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:29 PM
I agree with almost all of this except the part about SP children. Sd has a half brother at her moms, and a half brother here. I think it is important to foster a relationship between the two of them ( sd and my son). So, I would be disappointed if sd didn't have that option if dh was deployed or something...
But if its just one day, then not a big deal. Especially since it was BMs co'd time anyway.


Quoting kristinbugg:

I've never understood why some SPs feel they are entitled to take BP's visitation time with SCs.  Visitation is for the child to spend time with their BP, not for them to spend time with SP or with SP's children.


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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:22 PM
I agree. My dd doesn't have a half sibling there but she does here. It is so important to foster that relationship. And because I have this situation I completely understand it. I have half siblings I never knew. I knew them at very young ages. I always wanted a little brother and I had one. But my parents were at such odds that I never got to know him.


Quoting lovemyfriend:

I agree with almost all of this except the part about SP children. Sd has a half brother at her moms, and a half brother here. I think it is important to foster a relationship between the two of them ( sd and my son). So, I would be disappointed if sd didn't have that option if dh was deployed or something...

But if its just one day, then not a big deal. Especially since it was BMs co'd time anyway.




Quoting kristinbugg:

I've never understood why some SPs feel they are entitled to take BP's visitation time with SCs.  Visitation is for the child to spend time with their BP, not for them to spend time with SP or with SP's children.



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notsowicked11
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Stepparents don't have "Rights" and "visitation rights". as SM, the court says I can pick up SS at the visitation times if my DH is at work and can't get off on time, but it's not for ME to have visitation with him, it's for DH to have visitation with him. I think a lot of stepparents forget this. Would I love to be able to have my ss here to spend time with him and let him spend time with his half brothers and stepsister, when DH is at work? I would love it! But it's not up to me, and I realize that. I think that the people complaining needs a good reality check. 

newwife1
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:40 PM

Visitation is for the parents. I would personally never see SS if my DH weren't around.

However, my best friend always had her kid's SM take the kids on dad's week (50/50) even if he were traveling for business because she arranged her work and social schedule based on the visitation. She felt it if dad wasn't there then his wife should do it. I disagree;)

Mommyof5247
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:15 PM
My circumstances are so different being CSM & BM that I don't know if I can even comment but my DS17 has gone & does go to BD & SM's even when BD is gone (OTR) because DS has siblings there & I feel he should spend time with them too. For DS17 & DD14, me & their other families work with each other for visits on holidays. One calls the other, asks if they have any plans, tell each other our plans & go from there. This year, DH & I were having Easter supper & DD's grandma was doing a brunch so DD spent Saturday until Sunday late afternoon. It's important to me that they know & spend time with family whether their biodad is available or not. But if I weren't CSM, without a doubt BM would not have the same respect for us or the kids' sibling relationships due to the numerous times she withheld the kids from DH before their divorce & even after DH got custody.
krazykiddles
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:25 PM

I don't know since BM just invites herself to any of DH's family things saying "The kids can't be there unless I am also".  It puts DH in a weird situation since I don't attend anymore family events.  If DH couldn't be there I am not going to go out of my way to see if she will let me take them.

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:50 PM

I get my SD even when my DH isn't home. That would include holidays as well.

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:51 PM

I get SD whether DH is here or not, b/c he is usually at work if he isn't here. His job has alot of emergency/last min. OT, and if they call, he has to go. There is no ROFR, and even if there was, BM wouldn't take it. There have been plenty of time that DH has been called in, and SD has just gone with me and the rest of the kids to do whatever was already planned.

cgriff89
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:23 AM

Well maybe you should explain this to my Ex and his fiance. My ex has recently started a new job and with this new job he will be out of town for 9 weeks. He normally get the kids Saturday to Monday. Well he wanted his fiance to keep all of his time. I told him no so he threatened to take me back to court. After I told him to do it he decided to agree with what I had told him I was okay with. 
I can see sometime still being spent with someone that they are growing a bond with or if they have actual siblings at the other house it is understandable but otherwise most of the time should be spent with the bioparent.

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:06 PM
Bm does this with her sons to me. I think she also likes the time alone. Bm here is fine with it also. I think what upset me is I wasn't. Lol. (I worked night shift and she dump them off on her time every summer).

Quoting CKuse:

Yes she's fine with it. She has told me she trusts me 100% with him. She has even called me to have him for her during her parenting time if she or her other kids have an appointment or she wants to run errands or something. plus i think she enjoys getting a break every once in a while, what momma doesn't? Lol



Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

Me,personally,I couldn't do this. If I was the BM I would stick with if a bio parent is gone that long,they go to the other bio parent.





Bm is fine with this? Just curious:)






Quoting CKuse:

I have ss right now and dh isn't home.... I will have him by myself during the day all week while dh is at work. When dh deploys Ss will still come over as scheduled to see his siblings and I.
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