Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Who wins?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:16 PM
  • 7 Replies
I've seen the argument of 'if it bothers bm her wishes should be respected' in regards to a lot of things. Does this also apply to bd?

Example: bd/bm share custody for education/medical/religious. Bm had child 4.5 days, bd has 2.5.

It just seems like so many times I see ' bm doesn't want the hair cut, just respect that'. But what if, for some reason, bd feels just as strongly about the hair being cut. Or he doesn't want it cut and she keeps chopping it off. I know that's a small example but other ones could be staying home alone, being baptized, or choosing to allow th child to date at different ages.
It seems like bm usually trumps in these cases, but bd should be informed and his day should equally be taken into account.

Thoughts?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:16 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:30 PM

You're talking about situations where mom and dad disagree. Usually when the phrase is said, "if it bothers bm her wishes should be respected," it is regarding the SM doing something that mom doesn't like, not the Dad.

lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:34 PM
Hmm, that makes sense.
What if its the parents who disagree, though? Take sp completely out of it. And mediation hasnt worked.


Quoting whatIknownow:

You're talking about situations where mom and dad disagree. Usually when the phrase is said, "if it bothers bm her wishes should be respected," it is regarding the SM doing something that mom doesn't like, not the Dad.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:37 PM


Quoting lovemyfriend:

Hmm, that makes sense.
What if its the parents who disagree, though? Take sp completely out of it. And mediation hasnt worked.


Usually the final decision falls to the parent with the most time. If the other parent feels that strongly about it, then they need to take it to court and have a judge decide on the matter, especially if this is something that was once agreed upon and now the CP has changed their mind about it.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:42 PM


I don't know. I guess the one with more parenting time wins? Hopefully they have some kind of a tiebreaker.

Quoting lovemyfriend:

Hmm, that makes sense.
What if its the parents who disagree, though? Take sp completely out of it. And mediation hasnt worked.


Quoting whatIknownow:

You're talking about situations where mom and dad disagree. Usually when the phrase is said, "if it bothers bm her wishes should be respected," it is regarding the SM doing something that mom doesn't like, not the Dad.




leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:50 PM

If Mom is custodial, I think her wishes trumps Dad's, if it is serious and Dad feels strongly about his preference then he could take it to court for a judge to decide.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

kimkrys1
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:59 PM

in our case DH trumps everything... he has full custody so what he says goes.

notsowicked11
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:03 PM

the parents should try to come to a mutual agreement, but if they can't, it's usually left up to whoever has residential. For instance, my divorce papers state that we should come to an agreement, but in any case that we can't, the ultimate decision is left up to mom (me). And the same thing is stated in my husband's divorce papers in regards to stepson's custody. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)