Last year my fiance and I moved in together. I have an 8 year old son and he has a 19 year old daughter. His daughter is not his biological daughter. He was involved with a woman 7 years ago who was addicted to prescription medication (when he figured it out, he ended the relationship) and basically this woman left her daughter in his care (I still can't wrap my head around that!!). He stepped up because he truly cared for the little girl and knew that if he didn't, she would not have any kind of future. She is now in her first year of college on a full scholarship. She is a very bright and intelligent young woman. While raising her, my fiance gave her everything she could possibly want or need. She was very spoiled. His reasoning for this is that he wanted to make up for the crappy childhood she had. In a way, I understand that however he had done nothing to prepare her for "real life".
Here lies my issue. She lives on campus and will be home in less than a month. While she has been gone, the only time she calls is when she wants to complain or she needs something. And it's usually something expensive. I use the term "need something" loosely because her idea of need and mine are very different. She received a full scholarship (dorm and meal plan included). She was told that she would have to get a job for whatever else she needed. When she comes home (occasionally on weekends and holidays), she asks us to buy all of her toiletries, which we do. In the last 5 months, she has broken her laptop and iPhone (which we purchased). She fully expects us to buy her a new laptop and not just a laptop.....she has to have a MacBook. The same applies to everything - she can't just wear jeans, they have to be Hollister. She can't just have a phone, has to be an iPhone. Everything has to be top of line, name brand and she doesn't expect to have to pay for it. Last weekend, she called from her roommates phone because she had hers stolen at a party. We told her that we did not have anymore upgrades on our plan so she would have to buy another one herself or get one of the free ones that they offer. We have 3 lines on our account. One of them is never used and was up for renewal in 7 days. We were planning on canceling that line. She took it upon herself to go to the store and use that line to upgrade and get a new phone. She never called to ask if it was OK. She just did it. Now we can't cancel the line for another 18 months without penalty. My fiance found out that if she returned the phone in 14 days, the changes could be reversed. He did not make her do it.
Another issue that I have with this whole situation is that last fall she went to a football game and was drinking. She got pretty drunk which she admitted and fell off of the bus and broke her foot. There was a $300 bill from the hospital which she wants us to pay. My fiance has a flex plan through work that will cover the charges but I kind of feel like she should pay it herself. He said that there is plenty of money in flex to pay for it and if it isn't used he looses it anyway. There is so much more but I would seriously be typing for hours. These are just two of the more outrageous things that have happened. Well maybe her destroying my car and acting like it was no big deal and then getting pissed when she couldn't drive it anymore....That was a big issure....for me anyway.
I fully understand that he is letting this happen. He is not making her a responsible person by letting her gt away with everything. When I say something to him about it, he gets defensive and we end up arguing. He ususally tells me that I don't like her and I am always down on her.
I am embarrassed to admit this, but I found out that she has a twitter account and I have seen posts on there that are contrary to some of the things that she has told us. She lost her phone (which is what we both thought). I have also seen some negative things she has posted about my son. The sad thing is that my son likes her and just wants her attention once in a while. She is super jealous anytime we buy anything for my son and feels she should get something too.
I feel like she is so unappreciative of all that my fiance does for her. No matter what we give her, it is never enough. How can someone who would have had nothing be so self centered and selfish? She literally will cry and throw a fit (even at 19 years old) if she does not get her way. I almost feel like she is only here to see how much she can get.
When she is home, my fiance is irritable and continually says how he hates when she is here. I am irritable because I feel like she is usung him. It is hard for me to sit and watch someone I love be used.
What do I do and how am I going to survive this summer????? Am I wrong to feel this way??? HELP ME!!!!!!